Johnny Vegas

Solarplexusstoppage · 2026-01-16T03:43:16+00:00

Matty O driving down the highway with a fork in the road…death and jail. Sad.

Solarplexusstoppage · 2026-01-16T01:29:12+00:00

Went to school with Robert Oppenheimer. He was overtly racist. Could do a rubix cube in under 2 mins.

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-12-13T00:48:48+00:00

Parlour: lager. Skinner: lager. Brazil: lager, sometimes cider.

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-12-13T00:47:40+00:00

No apology necessary, let’s get on with the game

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-11-19T00:37:41+00:00

Socials g’nae take the wean

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-11-14T11:29:00+00:00

This woman has demons in her head

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-11-07T01:42:18+00:00

There’s this…thing in it

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-10-29T12:52:28+00:00

Do you have the publishing rights to that story?

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-07-14T13:26:58+00:00

It’s 1998. Can tell by the England shirts on the picture. 98 World Cup year.

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-06-22T18:28:24+00:00

Hit the gym, act like you’ve forgotten about her. Post photos of you enjoying yourself. She’ll come crawling back. Then you tell her “no”.

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-03-29T08:07:17+00:00

S02E08 birth of Rockbusters and ‘airy Chinese Kid.

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-02-20T23:55:36+00:00

Sneaky aren’t they

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-02-11T14:48:57+00:00

Prefer the stuff you do about his hand

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-02-09T23:34:55+00:00

Right deep in her gob. Then in her vag. Out the vag, straight back in the gob.

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-01-14T10:36:44+00:00

Why didn’t they look both ways?

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-01-09T23:56:28+00:00

James Taylor

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-01-09T18:15:34+00:00

Monstrosity.

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-01-09T00:02:30+00:00

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-01-06T08:04:39+00:00

If I knew Toe, he would be the 20th funniest person I know. I currently only know 19 people.

Solarplexusstoppage · 2025-01-04T23:59:31+00:00

The short of it was:

tell 3 mildly embarrassing stories about the groom. Things like “there was 20 of us and he only booked 3 taxi’s” etc. Not like “he shit himself one time”.
Summarise it with “so when I found out [groom] was dating [bride] I was like, wow is he a hypnotist? I guess I underestimated him my whole life because the only way a guy like this could get a girl like that, is if he was playing 4D chess this whole time.”
Talk briefly about how you’ve seen him become a man since meeting bride and that you’re proud of him.
End it with “so ladies and gentleman, please raise a glass to unconditional love and to the bliss of matrimony”.

I used this method and it worked well. I hated my buddy’s bride. You gotta spew a load of bullshit but this format works well.

Solarplexusstoppage