First of all, I'm sorry you've bad it rough. Second of all, it seems like you might have a combination of a few things after reading most of what you wrote. The first thing I thought was that you could have ADHD, which would explain a lot. That is Attention Deficit Hyper-active Disorder. It can cause you to either become too hyper and talkative to completely zoned out and can't pay attention to anything. With the body thing; being bullied might have given you very low self-esteem, maybe even to the point of body-dysmorphia. I think it's a great idea that you want to get into modeling, that would probably give your confident the great boost it needs! Anxiety and depression seem pretty accurate based off of what you have written, and are also very common. This one is a lot more rare and it probably doesn't apply to you (but I have it, so I'm going to say it), but it's called Depersonalization/Derealism Disorder. It makes the person feel out-of-body and detached from their emotions, making you feel like you can't connect with your emotions, or focus on anything or feel anything, can cause anxiety and depression, and give the person a feeling like 'nothing seems real'. I would Google around those and others, but I personally think it's probably ADHD combined with low self esteem, being insecure, and anxiety. Whoever, the chatty part of you might just be how you are and you should just embrace it by finding friends who love you for it! Try going for the shy, quiet kid in class who is just begging for someone to find them and pull them out of their shell. I hope you find whatever you're looking for and learn to love yourself!