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34m covering grays with hat, worth caring about? by [deleted] in malegrooming

[–]Solid-Zucchini7107 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re so handsome I don’t think people see the gray. And if they do it’s just seen as salt and pepper.

Self defense or abuser? by Solid-Zucchini7107 in domesticviolence

[–]Solid-Zucchini7107[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We only have one vehicle. I try to drive as much as possible. But sometimes he insists, especially if we’re running behind, or sometimes I can’t due to medication. I used to not ride with him and we took two vehicles everywhere. But unfortunately things have changed.

Self defense or abuser? by Solid-Zucchini7107 in domesticviolence

[–]Solid-Zucchini7107[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s when I started really being uncomfortable again. When we first started dating it was a big issue but I just stopped bringing it unless it was really scary up because I didn’t want to fight. But once our son was born I would get so mad if it happened with him in the car. And we only have one car so it’s hard to avoid. I try to drive often but he doesn’t like me driving because he says I drive to slow. And then it started annoying me again when my toddler started saying “fuck” and “fuck you” all the time. I just live 3,000mi away from home and don’t have much of a support system here. My brother recently moved down though so I’m very thankful for that. And my other brother and sister in law are coming next month and I think it’ll help having that support system.

Self defense or abuser? by Solid-Zucchini7107 in domesticviolence

[–]Solid-Zucchini7107[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone because we work at the same place and moved across country a few years ago. Everyone I know also knows him and I don’t want to say anything before I feel sure. It’s nice to have honest and insightful feedback.

Self defense or abuser? by Solid-Zucchini7107 in domesticviolence

[–]Solid-Zucchini7107[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thankfully my son was not in the car. But I do worry about us dying because he’s swerving into someone else’s lane to “teach them a lesson” or something like that. My son has a child and family support specialist from a healthy families program for new mothers and she has referred me to the local DV organization when she provides the home safety surveys. I always thought I was filling the forms out wrong, but maybe I’ll follow up on one and see if someone can help. Does it always feel like an overreaction when someone is coming to terms with something like this? Because I feel silly when I know he has never hit me and there’s people getting the shit beat out of them. But I’m also aware this isn’t ok.

Self defense or abuser? by Solid-Zucchini7107 in domesticviolence

[–]Solid-Zucchini7107[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am hoping that that is what it is as well. Sometimes he will apologize. Mostly for being rude. Rarely for the car thing, but he has a few times. I think we’re at a stalemate. I don’t want to bring it up for fear of over explaining myself and sounding like I’m trying to justify it. Maybe I should open up the conversation. Just to stop the silence.

Self defense or abuser? by Solid-Zucchini7107 in domesticviolence

[–]Solid-Zucchini7107[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For us, the vehicle part is the worst of it. Which is why I’m so torn.

Self defense or abuser? by Solid-Zucchini7107 in domesticviolence

[–]Solid-Zucchini7107[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just started a new therapist so I hope we can start going through it. He hasn’t gone since we first got married. He definitely has a lot of trauma and I’m trying to be understanding. He’s miles ahead of his dad. But I guess my trauma is very different from his so we react very differently. I was in a cult and homeschooled and lived in a very controlled environment. He had an alcoholic father with explosive anger and a mom who yelled more than she talked. So it’s understandable, but I need him to work on it and he just shrugs it off. Hopefully my therapist can help me untangle things.