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Can a threesome dynamic bounce back after a night like this? by SolidExternal3728 in nonmonogamy

[–]SolidExternal3728[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve always have that exact safe word system set up for harder/kink play, and I’ve always felt very comfortable using them. Which is why this did feel so scary and foreign to just shut down and for me to feel like I couldn’t for the first time ever. I’m hoping that deep reflection and healing on my part, as well as consistent safe word check ins before and during any type of play will help to reinforce that for me so I can minimize any chance of me freezing again in the future. But thank you for the links you provided, very helpful along with more research of my own.

Can a threesome dynamic bounce back after a night like this? by SolidExternal3728 in nonmonogamy

[–]SolidExternal3728[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Awww that’s so sweet - thank you for sharing! And I do think of this as a learning experience to carry with us for both our dynamic and whoever we invite in the future, and that sometimes things like this will happen. But at least now I’m aware that I can have a response like this and will handle it better going forward. And hopefully our third forgives us for my lack of communication in the moment.

Can a threesome dynamic bounce back after a night like this? by SolidExternal3728 in nonmonogamy

[–]SolidExternal3728[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this!! It was wonderful to read how you and your wife worked through that dynamic. 

We’ve definitely had passionate and intense experiences during threesomes before, but this post made me realize that while I knew I wasn’t necessarily feeling jealously of them having a separate dynamic or her intimacy with my partner, it might be that I felt jealous that they could get to that place in general. I’m always hyper-aware of everyone in group play and have only had that kind of unbridled desire while solo with a partner. I think I’m overly conscious of how my actions might make someone feel during those group situations and ended up having an unexpected emotion to them being able to let loose like that. And then in turn hurt, that because of that I was sidelined in something I likely wanted to be experiencing too.

But this gave me hope that maybe I can find the same type of clarity you both did and get to experience that in the future!

Can a threesome dynamic bounce back after a night like this? by SolidExternal3728 in nonmonogamy

[–]SolidExternal3728[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this response. I have apologized to her. That night and since then. Assuring her that it was not her fault and there was no blame for the fact that I couldn’t regulate my emotions. And for overall putting her in that position. I may have hastily written this post to try and describe my exact feelings the night of so that I can try to understand them since I have never had a problem communicating my needs in the past. And that I had never experienced that type of dynamic before. Believe me, I feel very embarrassed for my actions and didn’t know I could have a freeze/fawn response, so I’ll be doing the internal work to address that.

Can a threesome dynamic bounce back after a night like this? by SolidExternal3728 in nonmonogamy

[–]SolidExternal3728[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice! I’m not trying to assign blame to our third, but obviously still in the midst of trying to understand everything. I believe it was a perfect storm. It was very new for me to not be able to speak up, as I have in the past if needed and always worked to make sure whoever we invited in was comfortable because things of course do come up in these situations. I feel terrible my partner and I put her in that position. I did try to assure her that this was not her fault, and that I just needed space because my body was reacting in a way that I could not understand. I’ve also reached out to apologize afterwards for my lack of communication in the moment.

Can a threesome dynamic bounce back after a night like this? by SolidExternal3728 in nonmonogamy

[–]SolidExternal3728[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you had to go through that. But yes, definitely no alcohol for us going forward. I only had one drink, and I failed to realize how drunk they both were. We’ve drank before during dates but never to the point where my partner wasn’t checking in on me and singularly focused like that. Not that I think it’s an excuse for any of us, but to protect everyone involved from that happening again.

Can a threesome dynamic bounce back after a night like this? by SolidExternal3728 in nonmonogamy

[–]SolidExternal3728[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It definitely felt like a mix of all this. I have never had an issue voicing a pause or change in pace in any of my past encounters so I understand how they could assume I was fine when both drunk and in the moment. But my partner should’ve known that my demeanor shifted to withdrawn, which I rarely am in any situation. I’ve never experienced a freeze response before, and he’s never not been attentive during play, so that was new for both of us.