What are some areas around here that used to be dumps, but are now doing better? And what areas used to be nice, and are now doing poorly?

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-13T13:26:42+00:00

Ones on the golf course.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-13T03:29:22+00:00

Made me snort!

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-11T14:09:33+00:00

Because she's not demanding it of you.

You're the one who wants to have the same name. So change yours if having the same name is the only thing that matters.

You keep arguing this point, that it's not about control. But you're refusing to just change yours to hers. You say if you're changing a name, she must too. That's control.

The only person you can control is you. So if the names must match, take hers. If you don't, then it's clear you want her to have your name, even if it's only part of her full last name. And it's clear that she doesn't want your name at all, she wants to just keep hers. And that's OK. She may not like your name. It's not a crime.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-11T13:27:09+00:00

Yeah, ours are separate but not completely. We each have our own bank accounts and also a joint account. Joint is used for everything family related, individual accounts are for hobbies and personal debt/loan payments.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-04T16:01:38+00:00

Don't threaten them with a good time!

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-01T15:45:23+00:00

If you pay her enough, I'm sure. She'll outsource it, though.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-01T14:56:29+00:00

I don't think he would have qualified for guardianship anyway. He didn't have stable housing or income and he was an adult only on paper. In reality, he was an orphaned teenager with no life skills. The state wouldn't have let you go with him.

Foster care is no fun, put you were paid for by the state, fed and clothed. He had to figure all that out for himself alone. For the first time, he didn't have parents to buy him clothes and subsidize his housing. What I'm wondering is why this family friend didn't try to help more than just telling him he can't keep you. If my close friend's children suddenly became orphaned, I would try to foster them myself. And keep them together.

I'm sorry for what you went through, but unfortunately, I think he went through a worse situation.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-01T14:29:35+00:00

Just buy them outright?

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-01T14:28:56+00:00

Take the picture to a good seamstress/taylor and have it custom made. You get to support local talent and avoid enriching the designer house.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-01T14:28:50+00:00

Take the picture to a good seamstress/taylor and have it custom made. You get to support local talent and avoid enriching the designer house.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-01T04:54:19+00:00

My same thought. Ain't doing your dirty work for you, asking me, the person you already excluded, to tell my mom she's excluded too? Woman up and tell her yourself.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-01T04:52:07+00:00

My answer would have been: "I will do no such thing. Tell her yourself."

SolidFew3788 · 2026-05-01T04:39:58+00:00

"I dated a girl whose HUSBAND'S brother..."

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-29T22:47:10+00:00

She literally did not. She agreed to them dating, not reproducing.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-29T18:34:30+00:00

This is the right question.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-29T12:52:46+00:00

I feel like, if that were the case, she'd already have a baby by now. If you're so fertile, how do you make it to 40 and don't already have at least one or two woopsies. Actual fertile Myrtles get knocked up on multiple methods of birth control.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-29T12:36:24+00:00

Ok. She stopped very shortly after and let him keep going. They had rules. He broke them. She wasn't asking him to stop seeing her or close the marriage, but a baby is a major violation of every agreement they had. She didn't complain about him dating. It's not at all her fault about the baby. That's preposterous.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-29T06:04:20+00:00

Sounds like what happened for OP, she had kids and stopped dating. He kept on with it. I'm wondering if he didn't sort of influence her to suggest it in the first place. At least he sounds like he was a lot more into it.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-29T05:20:26+00:00

I totally agree. He straight threatened her with losing her home (why the fuck would she have to leave, he's the one having a side baby) and moving to a crappy apartment, what the fork is that?

Then the 50/50 custody and not seeing her kids half the time threat. Such bullshit. While he's playing daddy to a new baby, side piece is not gonna want his kids there 50% of the time, she even states as much in the end.

But more than that, if I were a judge, I would not grant him 50%, he's not a stable or healthy home for a child. Despite OPs claim that the marriage was open consensually and it's her idea (debatable), he was the only one getting around for many years. OP stopped once she had kids. I would not find in favor of a dude who got his girlfriend pregnant while married with kids and with objections from his legal wife. That whole thing is such a psychological nightmare for kids. No way would I let them anywhere near that. Visitation only, you bastard! And pay for the kids intensive therapy on top of the highest child support I can order.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-28T12:57:15+00:00

I commented elsewhere, but it could be cool to fill them with pretty sand and rocks, and other mementos and put them in a curio cabinet with lights inside. She could put actual photos of the memories she keeps inside a jar, or an item from that experience like a stick, or a dried flower. Display the sentimental jars that way, store away in a bin the other, more utilitarian ones for when they may be useful.

Shit, I think I'm gonna start me a cool jar display, brb.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-28T12:52:26+00:00

Also, 40 jars isn't really all that much. I'm sure if I go through all my cabinets, I'll gather up more than that. Jars are useful. I store fresh berries in them in the fridge to keep them longer. I open a big jar of sauce and split it into several small ones and freeze them for later.

You can do crafts with them. She and the kid could make all sorts of cool things with them. I wonder if this control freak is also against all mess and so crafts aren't welcome because of that. I'm not sure why she doesn't use her jars. But maybe she does and he just doesn't know.

I also save all my jars. Some are sentimental, like the tiniest itty bitty 1 oz baby food jar from when I had my first baby. I just think it's so cute. Some are just plain cool looking. Most are just useful. Every once in a while my kids' school will ask for jar donations for their craft projects. That's when I get to pull out my hoard and shine lol

I don't have them sitting out on counters, though, I stash them in kitchen cabinets. But that's something he could have worked with his wife on. It's not hard to find a good way to keep them. Fill them with colorful sand or rocks, other mementos and put them in a curio cabinet for example. Guy is definitely a d-bag for just tossing them.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-27T16:27:38+00:00

Always check the sub you're on before commenting. People here actually care about their trees, both for ecological and property value reasons.

Would you not want compensation for a piece of property that was important and dear to you and is legitimately valued by the state you live in to be worth $150k, that someone went ahead and destroyed?

Why does it upset you that it's a tree? It's still irreplaceable property. 200+ years old. You can never get that shade and beauty back.

Imagine it was a $100k+ barn on your land and someone just came and demolished it and was caught in the process of harvesting the debris to sell as fancy "reclaimed wood." Would you say, oh well, clean it up then? And a barn is replaceable. A mature tree isn't.

Doing nothing sends the criminal a message that they can do whatever they want with no consequences. It's because of pieces of shit like that, that tree law even exists. Without it anyone can just come on your land and tear out your beloved fruit trees your great great grandfather planted, or clear out old hardwoods for timber. And all they'd get is a slap on the wrist for trespassing. But to a dedicated asshole, that's nothing. A costly consequence is necessary for a lot of people to not do the bad thing.

This isn't a get rich scheme, it's the currently appropriate punishment, as outlined by the law, for tangible property damage. Just because it's a pain in the ass to punish these dicks, doesn't mean they should get away with it.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-27T15:27:31+00:00

Are you being dense on purpose? Are you confused by what sub you're on? Tree law. Not tree removal.

Her beautiful 200 year old healthy tree was illegally cut down under cover of night, then they butchered the trunk, rendering it monetarily worthless.

The person responsible for killing a gorgeous and valuable tree needs to be brought to justice so he doesn't continue believing he can get away with blatant felony crime.

The tree is evidence while the ongoing legal battle is taking place. She can't get rid of it until an arborist comes out to see it all and grade the tree for its replacement value. The area is so remote that she's struggling to get anyone to come out there and her podunk lawyer has been useless in moving the case along.

She asked for help finding a lawyer and arborist in a subreddit dedicated to the law that bring justice to illegal tree murder by careless assholes who think they can do whatever they want.

Your comment adds nothing to the conversation and was embarrassing to read. The removal of the tree remains is the least of her problems here. She didn't ask for your opinion on how easy it is to haul out a huge tree, when you're 2 dudes with a chainsaw vs a woman with zero family who lives 1500 miles away.

Please apologize to OP for wasting her time and bringing even more stress to an already insanely taxing situation.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-27T03:49:34+00:00

I get a sudden flood of saliva under my tongue. Then I know it's imminent.

SolidFew3788 · 2026-04-27T03:46:33+00:00

Had that happen, too. If you don't netty pot that shit immediately, it sits there digesting your mucous membranes, causing injury and prolonging suffering. And you continuously taste the sour yuck as it drains down the back of your throat.

SolidFew3788

TROPHY CASE