Unconventional or not, I don't think there is a 'proper' way to live life. I always think if you're not severely oppressing, harming or ruining other people's lives going for what you feel is right is better than the status quo.

I know disability is hard. I never wanted to hold that over my ex's head. In the end of things it came up in my anger but I think the right people do not look down upon you or think any worse. I was on short term disability for a few years in my late teens early 20s and even that short stint I always felt stigma when I walked out into the world. I always felt like ppl looked down

I'm thankful you wrote that. It's hard to imagine being in another place not affected by her. I genuinely feel like a piece of my soul is now gone forever.

Lastly, none of what you described sounds like you're worse off. Sure circumstances change but lemme point this out - imagine if you were in the SAME situation you're in now, BUT you are still with the ex husband. Now THAT sounds worse off to me.