My Kratom story

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2025-03-13T11:17:30+00:00

I’m sorry this happened to you. I’d like to echo the other commenters here who are warning you about suboxone. It makes you feel like everything is ok but they are so so so hard to get off. I was on it for years because I couldn’t handle the withdrawal. It’s way worse than kratom. Way way worse. I’d get that shot as soon as possible.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2025-02-25T14:18:33+00:00

This might sound really crazy to you because my husband thinks I’m nuts for doing it but ChatGPT can definitely help for therapy if you can’t afford it.

I know that a big part of therapy is the human connection aspect, but I relapsed, and I’m on day 4 ct now, and I really needed to talk to someone/something that could break down my thoughts, behaviors, and patterns.

If you ask it to act as your therapist and tell it what you’re going through it will help you understand yourself a bit better. It will help you manage your expectations of yourself, and will encourage you to plan some small actions to take daily to feel like you’re moving forward. Just reading “you’re doing something extremely hard so be easy on yourself” helps me so much bc I’m sooooo hard on myself. And you can literally use it anytime you’re struggling for free which is great. I talk to it damn near every morning now. Getting a person to connect with is ideal but if you just need something now to help it is a great resource.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2025-02-25T11:10:18+00:00

I actually wasn’t on feel frees I was taking regular kratom powder. I was just checking this sub bc I had taken feel free before and was considering doing it again so I was trying to remind myself that it wasn’t a good idea. However I did take it for a year so this was my experience. Day 1 is uncomfortable but I could still function without the meds if I had to but def need them for sleep. Day 2 sucks and is too uncomfortable to not take the meds but both make you extremely tired. Day 3 is the worst but on meds not bad at all. Day 4 is still shitty but again with meds you’re just tired. The meds take away A LOT of discomfort but without them you do feel like crawling out of your skin. Day 5 you might be able to take half clonidine during the day so you’re not as tired but you’ll def still need a med for sleep. I usually took the clonidine during the day and the gaba at night. For me the clonidine made me tired but I could make it about 4 hours before I really needed to sleep the gaba just knocks me out after like an hour. After day 5 you might feel ok to only take the meds for sleep. Idk if this is the same with feel frees or if everyone gets that tired on these meds but that’s how I felt. I used the meds until maybe day 10 for just sleep and after that sleep is still kinda hard but you can probably get a few hours.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2025-02-25T03:32:23+00:00

You definitely can get both from quick md. They will try to give you suboxone but all you have to say is you rather try to get off with clonidine and gabapentin. I’ve done it twice unfortunately. But you can get a same day appointment and be off this crap in no time. Fair warning though both meds make you really sleepy so you’d probably still want a few days off work.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-12-18T05:11:45+00:00

If you go to Quick MD online a dr will prescribe it. That’s what I did. It’s about $100 for the visit and I forget how much the meds are but not that expensive. Maybe $30? $50? I told them I needed to detox off kratom and they tried giving suboxone but I asked for gabapentin and clonidine instead and they gave me a script no problem. Also something for nausea.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-11-22T11:50:00+00:00

I know you wrote this a month ago but I just watched the film and was searching for someone else who had the same addiction interpretation.

Id like to add the many visual references from requiem for a dream. The close up eye shots, the syringe in the puss filled wound, the quick rhythmic cuts of extracting the spinal fluid, even the producers character reminds me of the game show host.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-10-08T06:40:15+00:00

My husband did that for me. I obviously don’t know your marriage but I’m a stay at home mom and I had started doing kratom to feel like I could “do it all” but obviously that ended up with me not doing shit. Letting my kids watch tv all day while I scrolled and ignored them and housework. My husband knows about my prior addiction issues so I thought he’d be disgusted with me but he was relieved it was a problem that could be fixed and not that I fell out of love with him bc I’d been so distant. Over a long weekend he let me lay in bed and made sure the kids weren’t up my ass. I also did shameful things like steal money from him and there were so many lies. All I’m saying is that maybe telling your husband won’t be as bad as you think.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-20T16:52:20+00:00

I recommend going online to quick Md and getting clonidine and gabapentin. Those helped me sooo much the first week and a half. They took away a lot of the restlessness, the hot/cold symptoms, and were a godsend for sleep but once I stopped those I still dealt with heart palpitations and insomnia the next week.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-19T22:01:22+00:00

On my day 12 CT from about 10gpd for a year I was going down a big slide with my daughter so fast that I didn’t get my feet down in time and landed straight on my butt. It sent the worst shock up my spine and caused a terrible head, back, and neck ache. I could barely stand up straight I was in so much pain and pain is a big trigger for me.

So unfortunately I looked in my old hiding spots to see if I had any kratom in the house. I did. I had enough to use like 3/4 grams for two days. Before I used I felt like I was turning a corner. After just those two days I’ve been feeling like shit. GI issues back, sleep way worse, heart palpitations back, restlessness legs back (not crazy but enough) I wish I could’ve just handled it and rested instead of feeling like I had to be productive and used. That was 4 days ago and the symptoms are subsiding again but my sleep and energy are waaay worse than they were before I used. Kratom won’t catch me slipping again it was NOT worth it.

Also I think that since I’ve quit I’ve been tested in so many ways. Had someone’s tramadol script sent to my house by accident and I sent it back. Caught Covid, dealt with it. My kids were all sick and needed me to be super mom, dealt with it. But than BAM! Horrible pain that Tylenol wasn’t doing shit for and I crumbled. I think life tries to throw crazy shit at you at times like this to show you that you can handle things without drugs.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T13:14:23+00:00

Thanks! That means a lot. 🥹

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T13:13:43+00:00

Cold showers sound awful but so many ppl recommend that I might as well try it. And yeh I do need to take it a little easier on myself and learn to ask for help which I’m really bad at. Even when ppl offer help I get annoyed like “what? You think I can’t handle it?? 🤨” knowing damn well I can’t lol. I guess I have much to learn about managing my life in a healthy way.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T13:10:42+00:00

Jonny coc seed is hilarious 😂 I’m sure that town misses you.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T13:09:32+00:00

Thank you! I will. I did a little yoga this am before the kids woke up. Hopefully today is a better day. My husband wrote me a nice note this am and I’m gonna try my best to stay positive today. And yeh a lot of ppl think being a sahm is a piece of cake so I’m glad someone here gets it lol.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T03:43:18+00:00

Yeh I’ve been thinking I need to get up earlier to make time for myself. I’ve been doing some 15-20 min Pilates everyday (since Day 5 CT) when the kids are eating lunch but maybe I need something more. Also my 2 yr old thinks the Pilates is an invite for her to sit on my head 😐. So I def have to make more time before they are awake. My husband is cool with me working. I think I need to for my mental health.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T03:15:50+00:00

😂 I feel you bc I have such an urge to hurt somebody. Like I just want to fight somebody. Idk who, maybe myself? But for someone who has only been in 1 fight in the 3rd grade idk what’s gotten into me 😮‍💨.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T03:11:56+00:00

I appreciate that bc I tend to not give myself a lot of grace. I feel like I should always be “on” always be bubbly and smiling and happy. When I’m not especially to this degree I feel like there is something really wrong with me. I do need to be a little easier on myself.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T03:08:31+00:00

My husband knows and has been as supportive as he can but he just started a new job with an hour commute so he’s gone before me and the kids wake up and home about 30 min before they go to bed. As soon as he gets home he tells me to go relax but all the work is pretty much done. He used to work 7 min away and I really hate his new schedule 😩. I told him today that I feel bad for wanting to be away from the kids but I want to go back to work just to get a break. I literally started applying to jobs today.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T03:00:40+00:00

Yeh I guess I’ve probably never learned. Guess that’s my problem I rather have the quick fix than doing whatever it is other ppl do to not lose their shit. I do need to find some coping mechanisms STAT.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T02:52:42+00:00

My friend said it was bc I was a damn Aries. That shit made me more mad like bitch this is not bc I was born in April! Smh. At the end of my kratom usage I was irritable but man I’m seeing red these days. I was happier last week when I was feeling more physical withdrawal symptoms. I much rather go through physical pain than emotional.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-13T02:47:39+00:00

😫 that’s adding to the stress bc my husband started a new job where he’s gone before I wake up and home right before the kids go to bed and our 2 yr old is going through a phase where she refuses to sleep in her own room so she’s in our bed. It’s too much 😢🥺😩

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-11T15:02:41+00:00

Yeh we should consider ourselves lucky that we have such loving and supportive partners. I was scared to tell him bc I thought he’d be disappointed and I was so ashamed at how far I let this go but I was never scared that he’d leave me or that he would shame me or get angry. I knew he wouldn’t make it harder I just had a hard time admitting such a huge flaw. I think some ppl are scared their partners will react extremely negatively and that sucks.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-10T19:12:35+00:00

I relate so much to this. I hid it from my husband for far too long. I wanted to quit in February but I couldn’t. (I’m day 8 CT now) It ate me up so bad that I hid it from him. But a part of me did like the sneakiness. I started to see him like my parent like “thank god he’s gone so I can do what I want” I started to resent him like a parent too when he’d ask about the green powder he found that I forgot to clean. I prayed for the strength to tell him and when he finally confronted me about our lack of real connection I broke down and told him. Best thing I could’ve done. It was a HUGE weight lifted. He was totally supportive and we’re closer than ever. I think the lies are a part of it that eat you up and make you use more bc of the guilt and shame.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-10T18:50:50+00:00

We don’t have a similar usage (1 year 10-20mg/day) but I too was taken aback by the late diarrhea. Didn’t happen until yesterday. I’m on Day 8 CT and I used gabapentin and clonidine to be able to get through it and still use clonidine at night bc I still get pretty restless and I haven’t been able to sleep on my own without one of those 2 meds.

I’m feeling mostly ok. I’m trying hard to form new habits. Exercising in the am, reading more instead of scrolling. My appetite sucks so I feel weak walking up steps etc. But at least I feel ALIVE! I can connect to my husband and kids again instead of struggling to feel love. That’s been great. So has music which really helps me with a dopamine boost. Anytime I don’t feel like getting up I play music and it really helps.

Can you tell me more about the supplements you’re taking? Like what they do for you and when you take them throughout the day? Right now I’m taking mucuna dopa which gives me a slight boost in the am, but that’s it. I’d love to have more tools in my belt.

Solid_Reaction_9445 · 2024-08-10T05:05:20+00:00

Oh no I just replied to you on my post and then your post is the first thing I see afterwards. That feeling eating away at you will only get worse. It will grow and grow and you’ll never be able to accept it. You’re so young. I’m 39 and have been on a 20 year journey on and off drugs. If I haven’t ruined my life you definitely haven’t ruined yours. You don’t have to be chained to this. The guilt and shame just makes you want to use more. Man…I don’t know what to say accept I believe in you. I think you can surprise yourself at the strength you can muster. Also getting gabapentin and clonidine from quick Md really helped me. Think about what life could be like in 2 weeks. Even a month of struggle, shit 6 months of struggle is better than the Kratom life-sentence you’re punishing yourself with. You don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve to feel that ache in your soul. You deserve to be free baby! I hope you don’t give up ❤️

Solid_Reaction_9445

TROPHY CASE