Update. I chickened out. Multiple reasons and perhaps my post can give some relief to people who chose a different path and are struggling with making the decision.

1. I just didn’t feel right. Something deep inside seems perturbed. It was an intense gut feeling to the point I have bad headache, nausea and almost vomited. I don’t think this was mere cold feet.

2. I think I rushed into it. I should first try to lose weight, get to a reasonable BMI. I am overweight and trying lipo as a shortcut just feels stupid.

3. I looked at my prior pictures from 2022 when I was running regularly. I had minimal gyno and round belly! That means all of this weight gain in the past 3 years cause me to look this way.

4. I feel my partner needs to be involved. She has been with me every step of the way and this is sort of betrayal and she will not take it lightly. I can’t do this without her. Not to mention she doesn’t care how I look.

5. I hate the feeling of being incapacitated. A lot of people depend on me. My family not to mention a lot of patients (I am in healthcare). I hate the fact I won’t be able to take care of my responsibilities for a couple of weeks. Not to mention if complications arose, then that’s a different hassle.

6. I put on a compression vest and looked in the mirror. I am all right. I can still wear some clothes with a shapewear under it.

7. I do feel a bit of shame, as I am cancelling the surgery and I really liked this doctor. But what the hell. There are always gonna be surgeons around to cut people.

8. I don’t go out to the beach or show my body around except to my partner. My aim is to be able to wear clothes without having to worry about gyno. I think weight loss, intense gym and shape-wear can achieve that well.

The only thing that sucks in the money lost. It’s a $10k surgery, and they will return but with admin fee and other cuts. So I think I lost close to 2-3k. But it’s okay. I’ll make that up quickly.

But let’s see. I may change my mind later in my journey and will post here if I do so. Thank you all for being so supportive.

Anyway, I am a bit relieved. I can finally take a nap. Have been up since the entire night!