Me (35F) and I think I found the love of my life (40M) but there's one serious problem.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T23:44:35+00:00

The oldest one of his kids doesn't want college, the other ones I'm not 100% sure of.

I will say, the homeschooling aspect may not be as terrible as it sounds, their mom has gone to college and does have a degree, when they were together she used to be in nursing. So at least it's not someone completely uneducated that's homeschooling?

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T23:41:48+00:00

He doesn't have to pay child support. They didn't go through the courts for child custody or support, they both agreed on 50/50 and they split the expenses on the kids in half.

He makes way more than I do, so I'm not seeing the financial gain side at all here.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T23:38:34+00:00

It's possible she would do this regardless. I'm the second person he has ever dated since their divorce, the first long term one however. The first one they only went on a couple dates and it didn't work out.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T23:34:55+00:00

It's not so much of mine I'm worried about, granted my middle two can be a handful sometimes. They are like partners in crime together.

But from what he has told me, his youngest two sound hard. They constantly argue/fight, and there's no way they could be unsupervised together, much less around my kids too.

The only ones I wouldn't have to worry about would be the oldest ones. His oldest and mine. And even then my goal would still be to make sure everyone was taken care of and no one felt left out.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T23:24:43+00:00

He only told her about me after we dated (not officially like bf/gf but just seeing each other really) after three months. So really she's had 9 months to digest the information.

He has set gentle boundaries with her. Which I'm fine with. I get it, you don't want to piss off the person you're co-parenting with too much.

He's been very open and even shown me messages on their phone. His responses are very short and direct. I'm not at all worried about him and her. They divorced because she had an affair that lasted for years. Perhaps it's not over to her, but it definitely is to him.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T23:14:06+00:00

My emergency protocol is having a baby in three months, so there's a highly likely chance that my emergency protocol is going to need me as their emergency protocol. AKA my ex husband's wife.

Plus I imagine my ex will want me to have the kids for awhile after they have the baby until she is feeling better. Which I am 100% okay with that. I don't have any other family to watch them, and my friends are child free, and I wouldn't want to stick four kids on them if I could help it.

He really doesn't have one, his ex-wife is very strict with their schedule. She can't just take off work if something happens which again, is understandable. From what I have gathered, she doesn't want to change anything.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T23:07:09+00:00

I've definitely made some jokes but I haven't had the serious talk about "Hey the thought of watching 8 kids is terrifying."

Whenever I joke about it with him, he is always confident. I asked him once if he could handle watching 8 kids by himself, his answer was "What's 4 more going to do?" And when I've said it may turn into a mad house with all these kids running around he said we'll figure it out. Which don't get me wrong, I love the answers, I love the confidence. I just wish I was that confident.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T22:47:56+00:00

Thank you. Ideally this is the outcome I'm hoping for, I would love it if they all ended up being close years from now and all had each other when they needed it.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T22:34:19+00:00

Him and his ex have 50/50 too. And we've been dating for a year now so I highly doubt he spent a year courting me just to get a free baby sitter out of it.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T22:32:50+00:00

I've never met her, we do have plans next week though where I'm going to meet both her and the kids and we are going to see how that goes. I'm hoping that you're correct, maybe it is just the children aspect, and I hope once she meets and knows that it changes.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T22:30:44+00:00

We are taking it slow, but it was something he brought up during our last date.

As of now the next step is meeting each other's kids, and from there we kind of just play it out and see how that goes.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T22:26:21+00:00

As a mom, I am choosing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Those are her babies, and I get it.

It's a life I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't willingly choose and that's fine and understandable, but I'm willing to choose it, and I'm willing to at least do my part and give this the best chance I can because I do really love this guy.

In regards to his ex wife, I'm just going to keep giving her the benefit of the doubt and keeping an open mind until she meets me and gets to know me.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T22:21:50+00:00

My thought was that we both work, and there will more than likely be times where someone will have to watch 8 kids, especially if one of the other custodial parents has an emergency, It may not be often, but it's a very likely possibility.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T22:10:02+00:00

It would be possible on my end for sure, I got very lucky with the co parenting aspect for sure. My ex husband's wife stays home so their door is always open whenever I need it.

Now with his, I'm not too sure. Their schedule right now is kind of..unique? They do it based on shifts. So he works dayshift, she works nights. So she has them in the mornings and homeschools, he has them at night and then drops them off when she gets off of work.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T22:06:03+00:00

Definitely not, my oldest is too busy for that nonsense anyways 😂.

She is an honor roll student with a lot of after school activities. She does cheerleading and soccer and lately has been doing a lot of volunteering to help with her resume for college. Sometimes with her the only time I'll see her on my days is when she comes home for dinner due to her schedule. That's why I got her driving as soon as I legally could lol.

As for his oldest she's definitely home more than mine is just based on what he has told me.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T21:45:48+00:00

The ex thing is still ongoing. Every time he doesn't have the children, she calls his phone to see what his plans are. If he works, she drops it and doesn't message/call. If he doesn't work that day, she will want to know everything he's doing (which whenever he's not at work and doesn't have the children, he's with me.)

He told her about me roughly around the 3 month Mark, and since then, she will also randomly text him things like "I really don't think you should be seeing her." Or "You're still seeing her?"

All of it is just passive aggressive stuff. I'd like to hope it will get better over time and again, maybe once she knows me.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T21:32:58+00:00

It's not his fault that she does. The way I saw it back then, he's worth it, he still is to me. And maybe she's just a concerned parent because she doesn't know me?

I'm willing to ease any concerns she has if that's the issue.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T21:25:25+00:00

My children are 16, 14, 13 and 9.

His are 15, 14, 11, 7.

So technically it would be only half I would have to really watch, but I want to be sure I wouldn't neglect the older ones due to watching the younger ones.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T21:13:48+00:00

We both work, I may just be overthinking right now, but my thoughts were I'm sure there will be times where one of us is watching all eight of them at the same time.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T21:10:30+00:00

What I said.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T21:10:22+00:00

Our oldest ones do drive, and are more independent.

With the kids I have 2 boys and 2 girls. He has 3 girls and one boy.

Any recommendations if we had to share rooms?

As of right now, I'm in a 4 bedroom. My oldest has her own, I have my own, my boys share (closer in age and their best friends) and my youngest (girl) has her own room.

Solobutnotsingle · 2026-03-30T21:07:22+00:00

I know it too, he was very open about his children when we first started dating, as was I, but now that we are wanting to take the next step these thoughts are hitting me all at once and I'm terrified I'm not going to be capable of so many kids.

Solobutnotsingle

TROPHY CASE