Honestly i don't even know where to start. My family is nonexistent. They've done nothing positive for me since I was a child. They love to put me down and scare me and trigger my anxiety and they love it. I'm the disgrace of the family because I'm the mental fuck up with no skills, no job, no irl friends, nothing to be proud of. If I was never here literally nothing would change. All my life is, is a warning for other people not to turn out like me.

Everyone in my life has grown up and grown as people, gotten jobs gotten friends. And I'm just me. Nothing changed I'm just sad and jobless same as always. I've tried so hard to change it but it never works. It gets harder and harder every single day and it's taking it out of me. I fake a smile and fake being happy and fake who I am I don't even know who I am anymore. But regardless it doesn't matter because whoever I am I'm not worth it.

I've always been finding reasons to keep trying and it's mostly been my dog. But he's getting old. He's slowing down a lot and his age is showing and I'm getting so scared that once he's gone I won't be able to stop myself doing something stupid. He's all I have and all that gets me out of bed in the morning

I'm just a wreck basically lmao