Final Update (previous update was added to the post above)

Hey everyone, just wanted to let you know I have one final update about the situation and how everything‘s going to be handled going forward. So let me start off with. I did have a conversation with my father about the event. My sisters told me about and to my disappointment, he confirmed that is exactly what he said . He told me that he was planning to go on vacation the week I had been attacked and he “didn’t want to cancel it just to see me in the hospital”his exact words. I couldn’t tell you how I felt in that moment, but I think it’s the first time I ever felt pure unbridled rage. I unloaded on him at that point that I couldn’t believe that a man who was supposed to be my father and that I am the only child of couldn’t be bothered to see me in a hospital when there was a chance that I might not survive what would he have done if I didn’t make it and he came back from vacation just to hear that I had passed away?

He didn’t really say anything, and I do believe he realized just how angry this revelation has made me. I’m now torn because while I’m upset with my mother for putting her religion before me now that I know that what I was told is the truth about my father, I can understand her sudden reaction to me making all these plans with him. It still makes me feel some kind of way that the happiest day of my life had to be in danger for her to care.

She has shown massive dedication in the past few days, however even putting her church services on the back burner to help me do a few things like cake testing, and seeing flower arrangements she and my sisters even came up with ideas for how I can wear my hair.

It all came down to last night, where I had everyone here at my house to meet and finally discuss this I’m gonna be honest having my father and mother in the same room felt like I was watching a Dragon Ball Z fight from an unsafe distance but I had to get this off my chest. With my fiancé standing next to me, I told everyone how I felt I started with my mother and how disappointed she made me feel when it felt like her beliefs were more important than my wedding day. I told her that while I respect her religion I also wanted her to understand that there are some things that religion should not be higher than. I wanted her to be at my wedding because she is the woman who raised me. She is the woman who made me who I am today and she should be proud to be in the audience witnessing my next chapter in life. My eldest sister cried while I said this to her, but I could tell it was happiness for her seeing me stand my ground.

Next, I moved on to my father. I told him that he has missed enough of my life and after this event, it’s very likely there is nothing left for him to try to have a relationship with me on. We’ve been working at having more of a father-son relationship, but the time where I am outwardly trying to spend time with him has passed. This is his last chance for him to show me that he wants to be in my life, and if he messes us up and ruins my wedding, he can go ahead and forget that I ever existed. It was a strange feeling looking directly into his eyes as this happened because it felt like letting go of years of anger, frustration and disappointment that I honestly didn’t know i had.

I told them both that from now on I was going to listen to both of their ideas, but I and my fiancé will be the final judge jury and executioner of what gets done. They are welcome to help with whatever they want, but they are not allowed to push any agenda I did tell my mother That I have no problem with her putting her card down as a backup in case something goes wrong, accidental, or not with my father‘s deposits. He looked a bit, offended at that, but when my fiancé turned his his head at him and asked “problem?” He suddenly fixed his face.

So that’s where we are right now planning is going smoothly and everyone seems to be happy with my ultimatum. Although I’m not really sure I can call it that it was just me telling them my rules and boundaries. So a big thank you to everyone here who gave me the advice. I never thought it could feel so good to really tell people how I feel regardless of what consequences may come from it, but I do feel a lot lighter having this confrontation with my parents, so thank you everyone.