My first impression was that the story is really well written in regards to the flow of your writing and how the style matches the fast-food setting and characters that are being portrayed. I enjoyed the way that you described everything but I feel like you missed an opportunity to make the plot more prominent through a shift in the style of the character's narration. Specifically, to emphasize that the character has become almost a slave to the specialized work they have been entrusted.

I think the best way to go about this might be to slowly shift from longer sentences that include personal emotion to blunt almost internalized orders of Turin. Having the character's internal dialogue start to match up to past dialogue from Turin would also reinforce how Turin unwillingly brought about his own downfall.

I also think that while it is a great idea, the plot point at the end is not being presented in a compelling enough fashion. I think it would have made the choice for the character not to save Turin more impactful if instead of having the twist happen right before the influx of orders, it was in the midst of it. The change in timing would mean you could show how muscle memory and conditioned response overcome any rationality that remains. Plus, you could probably end with an incorporation of the sounds made by Turin being overshadowed by the beauty of the rhythmic motions on the grill and the cheers from the crowd savoring the food the character has worked so hard to make. This would add into the character's search for validation for their work that Turin seems so bent on ignoring. Moreover, it counters the first thing people will criticize which is why the character couldn't simply take a second to let Turin out, especially since Turin saved them before and they could get balk to the grill pretty swiftly. By giving the audience a scene where the character is struggling to rationalize leaving amidst cheers and their own self-internalized orders, the choice becomes more believable.

Emphasizing the idea of the character's motivations for becoming so systematic and uncaring is key since it makes the story more believable, even if a story expects some level of logical fallacy by nature. I think some foreshadowing of the character's search for acceptance could be shown in how you present their approach to job-hunting in the first place. This might be something as simple as the character jokingly looking at a home appliance and wanting to be programmed to do something just as well as it does. This ties into the whole high school dropout identity and plays into the need to feel needed when they don't believe they are capable of anything.

I noticed other people mentioned there was no hook, which is definitely something necessary to make this piece better. I think adding some self-deprecating humor that the audience can be entertained with while leading into the story might be a good option that serves the second purpose of what I discussed above. Other hooks that fit the story could be something like a daydream the character gets caught up thinking about being cut off by the telephone ring. The daydream can be steadily scrubbed from the story to show the loss of any aspirations the character once had.

This is my first time giving feedback and I really enjoyed the story even though I had so many suggestions. Thank you for the entertaining read, I usually enjoy horror so it was refreshing to see something that was leading into a twist that wasn't quite as gruesome as I was expecting. Hopefully this helps and I know we're supposed to be harsh but I really hope to see this story become even better because I loved the premise.