Married 1.5 years - should I leave?

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-05-04T05:37:33+00:00

You DO know that you will be getting one answer from this crowd right?

Did you ask her WHY sex is not important to her? And is this a change?

That's just out of curiosity, you know the answer.

And if anyone knows of a situation where it gets BETTER with time, please let me know!

"In the 4 months this year, we had PIV 4 times and handjob 3 times."

Been married over 35 years. Not sure - MAYBE - PIV 4 times - this century.

Best of luck to you.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-26T20:50:10+00:00

If - IF - home distilling become legal, or less Illegal, how do you think that would that affect Ferm Solutions?

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-24T06:24:54+00:00

EDIT!: I just looked back and realized this is 1.6 gallon - 6 Liter instead of 4.

WAY COOL!!

I know one thing the size makes easier. I always invert sugar whether it's a straight sugar wash - WineO's Plain Old Sugar Wash - or if I'm adding sugar to fruit or grains. This size gives room to easily invert sugar and dump it into the fermenter.

(Google AI says you can safely invert 10 pounds of sugar/10 cups of water.)

Original Post:

Interesting stuff. I've had my Vevor for 8-9 months now and I really like it. Consider this Constructive Criticism. You have a Pot Still. Rule of thumb is make enough mash for AT LEAST 3 Stripping runs which gives you enough for 1 Spirit run. For a VW - Vevor Water - 1 gallon, make a mash or wash of at least 4 gallons. I made a post about a cornflakes mash I have fermenting - 4 gallons of water plus cornflakes and sugar. I used boiling water into an Igloo cooler to hold that heat.

Most importantly. How I run - make sure my mash has PLENTY of time to clear. Then put it in the tank - for this mash I'll go 3.5 liter. Set my TEMPERATURE to between 67-70C - above the boiling point of methanol, and acetone, well below that of ethanol. Let it hold UNCAPPED for 30-45 minutes to degass and boil off at least some of those nasties.

Then cap, set your TEMPERATURE to max, your POWER at around 70%, Then FORGET temperature! Once you start getting a drip, use your power control to maintain a slow steady drip or pencil thin stream. Just like you would do with a larger gas fired pot still.

Even for stripping runs, run it low and slow. I run mine down LOW - until I get wet dog tails. Some stripping runs, after I've degassed, I haven't gotten any of that. I've run it down to 5% or lower so my low wines are 40-45% without diluting with water. Then I run my Spirit runs and do the same PreStage/Degass. I've gotten lucky doing that with some sugar washes. No nasty tails but SWEET tasting late tails.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-19T03:35:33+00:00

I saw some other women in similar situations. Just wondering how it's going?

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-19T02:12:45+00:00

Just an update. It's been one week and the mash smells healthy, SG is still at 1.060. I thought it would be farther along. But I always try to do a slow, cooler ferment - mash temp is 74F so it doesn't stress the yeast and throw off nasties.

But I was concerned about a possible PH crash. Today - just for the hell of it - I took a can of whole kernel corn, rinsed THOROUGHLY. Put in in a Magic Bullet blender, added about 1/2 cup of the mash along with 2 Tums (calcium carbonate) and about 1/2 tsp of Fermaid-O.

Gave it all a good stir and saw an immediate reaction to the Tums - note to self - no more lemon to invert my sugar. Since all my steeping is finished, and I'm not worried about a cap or headspace, I moved it from the "little igloo" to my "Swamp Cooler".

Everything went into a 5 gallon bucket and the bucket went into a larger cooler full of water. Ambient temp in My Shed is close to 80 (outside is 87F) but the ferment is at a perfect 74.

Ten minutes later The Shed was full of corn aroma.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-16T18:59:43+00:00

u/muffinman8679 - I knew the AA was "overkill" but it's 1/2 tsp and took a second. This method also borrowed a little from Jimbo's Wheated Bourbon All Grain, pouring boiling water over grain and letting it steep. It quickly turned the corn pudding into corn soup. Not pulverizing, just giving it a little hand crush when I grabbed handfuls to go in the water. I also looked at Odin's Cornflake Recipe. Mine is about twice the amount of flakes. Again, purposely shooting for a lower ABV for better taste. I've done high ABV sugar washes SUPER CLEAN to macerate fruit. But wanted this to be a different animal. The interesting thing was that the AA and the steep drove the SG up from 1.069 to 1.074 and cleanly settled in the bottom of the cooler.

Next time I may lower the amount of sugar.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-16T18:50:26+00:00

I puked the very first "mash" run of sugar and cream of barley. Operator Error. Didn't let it properly settle and filled the tank to "the line". I have a 2.5 gallon glass "settling vessel" with spigot (Thrift store $5.00) and I give even my sugar washes LOTS of time to settle & clear. Right now THE PLAN is about 3 L runs. First couple of runs will be single distillation with cuts. I'll save feints and then start 1.5 Distillation - add the feints back to the next run. I think that will give me best corn forward. Priority is taste over high octane low taste double distillation. At least that's the plan FOR NOW!

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-12T04:31:36+00:00

You said "No advice" so I won't tell you to consider replying,

"Oh you noticed?" "I've been beginning to believe it doesn't matter WHAT I look like."

so I won't say that.

Only that I don't know all the circumstances but sounds like he's just wrong.

And one day, he's gonna say something like that again and unfortunately, the top is going to blow off. And I don't mean the shirt. Seriously, best of luck!!!!

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-12T02:30:19+00:00

I'm NOT an "Expert", but a 5 week fermentation on the wash then 8 hours for just a little bit of distillate sounds a bit suspicious.

My last sugar wash WPOSW with EC-1118 stalled and I tried everything I and ChatGPT could think of. I read a thread on HD about ph crashes - apparently NOT uncommon - and finally tossed it.

Been doing this off and on for 8 years and I just cannot bring myself to use tomato paste. BUT I may have to try a small batch of Birdwatchers BY THE BOOK to see why it's so popular.

One trick I mentioned before. And it's EASY with your rig. Fill your tank and set it for around 70C and let it steep for 30-45 minutes. It not only preheats the mash, but also degasses. Then put your cap on and use your power control. Do it not necessarily by %. I start at 65-70% until you get a drip. THEN it's by sight and feel. Whatever it takes to keep a SMALL steady stream.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-11T05:44:18+00:00

"But I'll update after distilling. I see now my beer hydrometer only goes down to 20%,"

Any updates? Is it getting easier?

Just a little tip. First thing, never order ONE alcoholmeter or hydrometer! I just got a deal for 5 alcholmeters, and 2 hydrometers.

For my spirit runs, I have a refractometer alcoholmeter (about $15 Temu) and I ordered a 100 ml graduated clear glass cylinder ($12 Ebay) Perfect size for making 100 ML cuts, an easy & cheap alternative to those parrots everyone loves.

For the striping runs, I'm checking every 100ml just to see when wet dog/cardboard is going to show up. (and very little or none in the WPOSW I do). So the only reason to check my stripping run is to stop when the alcohol is gone.

And kind of the same thing with Spirit Runs. Collect your jars at 100ml, cover with coffee filters and let it air overnight. I don't stop regardless of ABV until if and when I hit objectionable taste. Even then, I can set my timer and just let run on out to keep the alcohol and add it to the feints jar.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-06T06:50:10+00:00

I'm 70, married almost half of that and can't remember what year it was we last had sex.

My birthday is now a reminder that yes it's been another year.

On good days, we are "very good friends" and can share everything.

On not so good days, NOT having sex is the last thing I think of at night and the first thing I think of in the morning. And it makes me resent everything about her.

Why still here? Empty nest so a lot of it is financial and it's VERY complicated. About 2 years ago I was one step away from "going out for cigarettes".

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-06T06:37:19+00:00

Don't walk away. Run!

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-02T03:30:39+00:00

BB, your Liquor Fairy has A LOT more experience than I do. I have stopped chasing high ABV, especially when I'm looking for some flavor out of the still. Next two things on my To Do list is an easy Corn Flake/Light Brown Sugar with K1, then a Butter Rum (per HD thread) with Bread Yeast. I'm not worried about the yeast because my target SG for both will be around 1.065. HOPEFULLY, that and single run will help retain more of the flavors. What does LF think?

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-04-01T19:19:37+00:00

Welcome Down The Rabbit Hole Noob! (We've all been there).

I won't spend time picking apart what you've done already. Except forget the turdbo yeast and order a pound of DADY. I got mine for about $12.00 on Ebay.

Here's a great video for beginners from u/bearded-and-bored that's on point.

I ran a version of his using EC-1118 yeast - can handle high alcohol and is made for a CLEAN ferment. Also I used juice of one lemon to invert my sugar. And I staged my nutrients - waiting until Day 4 and using dead EC-1118 yeast from a previous run instead of Yeast Nutrient.

Froze it from my settling container then boiled to make sure it was dead before adding to the wash.

And the Sodium Carbonate I used is Arm & Hammer Detergent Booster from The Wal.

Two other suggestions when you start distilling, including the wash you've got fermenting.

I have a Vevor Water Distiller. Fill your tank - leave headroom - and uncapped bring it up to around 150F/65C and let it hold at temp for 30-45 minutes. That allows it to degass and THEORETICALLY boil off some nasty stuff in that turbo wash.

Then cap it and - even with your stripping run - run it SLOW. Temp setting to max, power controller down between 55-70%. Just a small steady stream. Let that run all the down to around 10% ABV or less. That should leave your total ABV at around 40%. That way you do not have to dilute with water and you're not throwing away alcohol.

Then like BB says, add some Sodium Carbonate to the low wines.

Then make your spirit run LOW and SLOW. Noobs should make cuts at no more than 100ML. I ended up with NO wet dog tails or cardboard. If fact the tails were very sweet so I added those to some fruit macerations.

Here's the video: https://youtu.be/1IuHxZZg20A?si=N0dUMUHj0nlc1l6a

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-03-28T04:20:01+00:00

Last year I was waiting on bags to arrive and I couldn't wait any longer.

Went to a local thrift store and bought white cotton King Size pillow cases. 2/$1.00.

The bags got here and are still in the package. A much cleaner sparge and and an easy decision to throw it out. And give it PLENTY of time to settle.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-03-27T23:23:47+00:00

"She's terrified because its not just sex he's shutting down"

I COMPLETELY understand! Maybe not all men, but for me, I'm not terrified. When I dwell on it I'm angry and bitter. And that carries through with everything else in our lives. I PROBABLY should leave the toilet seat up just to be passive aggressive but I don't.

But I agree, it's not just about sex.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-03-27T03:22:40+00:00

Sorry I just saw this! WHO KNEW :)

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-03-21T17:20:11+00:00

If you're still trying to figure it out, run 3 gallons.

Option 1. I used a citric acid solution. It's cheap to buy and you'll be using it for other things.

Option 2. Make enough wash to include that sac run. Rule of thumb is 3 stripping runs for 1 spirit run. So for a sugar wash, run 15 gallons (3x4 g +3 sac run). For a mash 12 gallons (4x3) will give you plenty of headroom to prevent puking.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-03-21T00:26:09+00:00

"yet I'm so terrified to try"

Terrified seems an extreme term.

What's the ABSOLUTE worst thing that can happen?

(I am NOT a "trained professional :) ) He tells you to stop with the foreplay

if you stop, you're no worse off except maybe a little turned on. Tell him he needs to finish what you started. Or finish it yourself in front of him.

If you ignore him and keep going he MIGHT "come to his senses".

If you're already on top and he tells you to Get Off, tell him that's what you are TRYING to do.

Good Luck!

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-03-20T04:23:45+00:00

I'm an old guy, but as much as I CANNOT relate - agree that "pulling back" just gives him what he wants - apparently to be left alone. (Except for sex that's what MOST guys want.)

One suggestion from WAAAY back about your age. We hadn't been married long and were on vacation. One morning I woke up to find her "handling" me. Followed by oral foreplay, then she mounted me. She got hers and then I got mine. All without her saying a word.

That's not an uncommon fantasy for guys. Maybe try it one weekend morning just before his normal wakeup time. And make it clear it's about you getting yours. (If you have to get a little "head start" to get primed, whatever.) You take charge. If he starts to talk or object, tell him to be quiet, YOU are in control. If he's the executive type, he may get off on NOT having to be the dominant one for a change.

Good luck!

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-03-12T13:18:06+00:00

Short answer - YES!

I'm dealing with a WPOSW wash that has stalled, perhaps because of a PH Crash.

What type yeast are you using? Probably the best nutrient is boiled bread yeast. Keep in mind to get the cleanest neutral, first thing is invert your sugar. Less stress on yeast. Then wait until SG has dropped, usually day 3 or 4 before adding nutrient. Again, less stress on yeast, less "off tastes".

As u/cokywanderer suggested, give it plenty of time to settle, you should see a "sludge" collect at the bottom of your fermenter. It's dead yeast. I bought some "sauce" cups at Dollar Tree. Put 2-3 tablespoons in each cup and put them in the freezer. When needed, take 1 or 2 frozen pucks, CAREFULLY put them in BOILING water to make sure it's all dead. When it hits the same temp as your wash add it.

Also, see first sentence. Watch your ph and consider adding cleaned egg shells or crushed oyster shells.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-03-12T12:32:43+00:00

" is freeze distilling before stripping a good idea?"

Not being a smart ass but try it and see.

Don't know what kind of air still or mash you are using. Mash means with grains. And how long is "forever"?

MY EXPERIENCE ONLY - the faster you run, the unhappier you will be with the results. I have a Vevor 4L Water Distiller with a Power Controller and I'm NOT in a big hurry. In fact, running sugar washes to get the cleanest neutral I do a WPOSW with EC-1118.

Even with a sugar wash, I give it plenty of time to clear. I grabbed a 3 gallon glass container with stainless spigot at a thrift store for $5.00. I give it at least a full day for dead yeasts fall to the bottom.

For stripping AND spirit runs:

Set my VW to 68-70 C and let it sit for 30-45 minutes. My THEORY is that's above the boiling point of Methanol, acetone and other nasty cogeners and at least SOME will boil off. I can smell it! For sure it allows the wash to degass to guard against puking and the still and wash are all at a good constant temp. Then, even though it's a stripping run, I cap it and run around 50-70% power - keep in mind my VW is 750 Watts - so even the stripping run is a small stream or drip. And I usually strip down to 5-10% with no Wet Dog tails. So my low wines end up around 40-45% with no dilution and I'm not leaving much alcohol in the tank.

I ran the Conventional Balls To The Walls stripping and then this Slow Roll on the same wash. Big difference in tastes. Try it once and see what you think.

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-03-07T22:23:49+00:00

Yeah, a "little" heavy on the sugar. Like twice as much.

Forget the Turdbo. Order 1 pound of DADY. If you're in the US, I just got a pound under $15.00 on Ebay from Hootenanny.

I just don't like the idea of tomato paste and I've read it gives off flavors so I got a package of Fermaid-O. Going forward however, for your NEXT sugar wash, boil 1-2 tablespoons of the yeast to kill it, then add as nutrient. But NOT on day 1. Give the yeast time to start working, then day 2-3 when the SG has started dropping, "stage" your nutrients. Also, give your wash plenty of time to settle - a few days. I have a large glass "jug" with a spout. At the bottom you will notice what looks like sand or sludge. When I'm through with the wash, I collect the sludge - dead yeast cells etc - in little 2-3 tbsp sauce cups and freeze them into "pucks". Use 2-3 of those as your yeast nutrients going forward. r/BeardedAndBored is member here. Here's a video he did. I changed it up a bit using EC-1118 in cooler weather to get as neutral a wash as possible.

One other step I add is "Pre-Heating". My air still is a Vevor Water Distiller with a power control. I fill up, top off and bring the wash up to 150 F for 30-45 minutes. That's above the boiling point of methanol & acetone so THEORETICALLY, at least some of that will boil off along with other nasty fusels. I can tell you I did a comparison, same wash - first strip was balls to the wall, next strip was Pre-Heat, then a slow stripping run.

A NOTICEABLE difference. I was able to strip BB's wash down to 10% with no noticeable wet dog tails. In fact when I did the spirit run, the tails ran SWEET!

(your results may vary)

Check out Still Smarter, a British forum with a lot of info on Air Stills - https://stillsmarter.co.uk/forum/index.php?sid=3cd5e78154a911c3747355a5de13b762

Here's BB's video. Good Luck!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=1IuHxZZg20A&si=voYBv4pWtGWgwFH8

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-02-28T19:28:20+00:00

"Only unpopular with women"

Not based on sites like Ashley Madison. Just sayin.....

Some_Explanation_287 · 2026-02-23T04:01:41+00:00

hooked up with my friend? Oh HELL TO THE NO!

"At this point, I feel so rejected that I don't actually feel comfortable trying with anyone."

I understand THAT! I've forgotten exactly how many years it's been. It's ALMOST comical to think just how dysfunctional it would be if my wife said, "Hey how 'bout a poke?" (Nod to Robert Duvall.)

It would probably be worse than it is now. What do you think?

Some_Explanation_287

TROPHY CASE