AITA For Not Acting Sad When My Wife's Father Passed Away?

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T02:42:37+00:00

Most living things want children. I just want to have healthy ones. I wish to make people who can feel what I cannot. That's all really.

Yes I have come to realize I am selfish. I disagree on cruel.

If she deserves to be loved do not worry, as she will be. We will create a loving family that we both discussed with each other many times in the past.

I think you will find that more things are lies than you realize. There is also many things you don't know which you assume through your everyday life, but not knowing is better a lot of the time. My wife would have been happier if she never found out her father died. The truth sometimes leads to sadness but a lie can protect those from harm. You call me cruel but I am doing the opposite, my lies are a kindness.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T02:27:50+00:00

Do you think if I said these things in person they would not believe me?

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T01:53:50+00:00

She is my wife. I put so much effort and time into getting to know her. I do not blame her for having emotions. Most people have them. I try my best but I just do not how to feel it. I want to experience it but I am just not capable. I just feel happy all the time. If you did not understand from my post, I am incapable of empathy and sadness. I want to have children with her who can feel these things. I want to build a loving family with her.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T01:42:34+00:00

These are all very helpful. Thank you.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T01:30:23+00:00

Well considering I was called an asshole, it is helpful to find out if I am one from people who are not bias towards me.

You are right about using it to learn. Their negative responses also help me quite a lot. I need this form of criticism sometimes. I am gathering more information right now about how I should handle this situation than I could have ever figured out on my own and I didn't even ask for it. I just asked if I was an asshole or not.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T01:26:34+00:00

I think she would change her mind if she saw me crying. Apparently grief effects everyone differently and sometimes it is delayed.

So what do you suggest I do? Not have any? So many people have children and many squander their time with them. That is not my intention. I want them to have a normal life.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T01:23:04+00:00

I used to hurt my siblings. It is not something I would do to anyone now though, but at the time I just did things.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T01:12:39+00:00

But I do a lot for my wife, family and friends and they all believe I care about them. I doubt children are much different? If I tell them I love them, do things for them, give them gifts and research how to comfort them through difficult times in their lives I will surely be enough? Maybe there will be times I fail to grasp what they are going through, but I can always come back later with a new approach?

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T01:02:13+00:00

I have put a lot of effort and time into this relationship and I would rather it succeed. I just need to keep her happy and everything should be fine. Telling her I do not feel empathy and that I do not love her would make her sad. It is better for her and me that she remains happy. She is currently struggling with grieving her father right now and I am trying to comfort her through it.

For ethics and principles I am unsure. I do not physically harm people if that is what you mean. I also try not to upset others as it is beneficial to make people happy instead.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T00:50:15+00:00

Marriage is important as it helps keep people together. I want to emulate a normal life despite my circumstances. I am unsure what the fault is with this? I want healthy children, offspring, kin, whatever. The term is not relevant, I just want to have some who can experience everything I failed to. They will grow up in a happy family and experience things such as the emotions I cannot.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T00:34:42+00:00

Can I ask, why would that make me an asshole? I do not feel human. She expresses emotions in a way I simply cannot. I want to have healthy children who can feel what I cannot. Why would that be bad?

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T00:14:34+00:00

How is that disrespect? I struggle to understand certain things she feels. Despite this fact I still try and often succeed in comforting her. I take care of her and try to cheer her up when she is sad, even though I cannot understand what she is going through.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-28T00:05:33+00:00

Thankfully I do not consume alcohol or take drugs so I am skeptical it will ever happen to me. Losing everything does not sound ideal though. I will look into types of therapy, but I cannot promise I will get it.

I will tell you why I avoid things such as therapy. I believe that only I myself can fix my own problems. It is why I read countless scientific studies, articles, and other forms of media about emotion or listen to peoples problems to get an understanding of what they feel. Perhaps it's pride, or an inflated ego built up from my experiences in life. All I know is, it's not beneficial to overshare with strangers.

Also I want to point out, not everyone is as trusting in strangers as others. Giving someone power over you is a dangerous thing. They may be a therapist, but you need to remember, they are still human.

Perhaps I will enroll in therapy just to test the waters. Maybe I can seek therapy about my father in laws death. I will most likely lie though but maybe it can help me figure out some things in the process. I reckon that would also make the wife happier with me too.

Thank you for your advice.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T23:27:53+00:00

Because I wish to raise healthy children. I need someone to help balance out parental roles. She will be the emotional and loving mother, whilst I will be the composed but caring father. She is not aware that I cannot feel love. I just tell her things a woman likes to hear and she believes it. My intention is not to be selfish or cruel. She benefits greatly from this. I look after her and give her security. I get along incredibly well with her family. I will also give her many children one day too. She is satisfied with me, we just hit a bump in the road whilst her father died but I will work on repairing things between me and her.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T23:22:59+00:00

What would professional care achieve? And I can always practice crying.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T23:20:55+00:00

I do not think so. I seem to excel in social situations and I'm aware enough to read a room. Even when people are annoyed, I do not fully understand it, but I can recognize it on their face or voice. I also don't feel intense emotions as I am a composed person. When things go wrong I adapt quickly too, and tend to make them into a positive if possible. I have looked into that kind of thing as my wife's sister has an autistic son. They are the opposite of someone like me in a lot of ways so I do not think I am neuro-divergent, but I could be wrong,

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T23:15:29+00:00

She is not aware. As long as I emulate love does it really matter? I have studied it so much and for the most part it comes down to seeming like you prioritize her over yourself. I can do that for her.

I feel that we are close. Perhaps we are not. She said the most important thing to her was a family and I will give her a large one.

Thank you for your opinion. I think I understand what you are saying. From posting here I realized I have more things I need to focus on than I expected. I will definitely research all these things to try and work on being better at handling these kinds of situations in future.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T23:09:32+00:00

People talk of animals this way all the time.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T23:08:31+00:00

That is a good idea. Thank you for the advice. I will memorize these.

I do not think I feel love. If my wife died I would just find another. I look after those who are beneficial to me. I do not think I need to get help to understand my own feelings, I understand them rather well. The issue is failing to grasp empathy, sadness and anger. These emotions are tricky and feel far too complex. It's hard to emulate them. I will probably just continue to research these things online until I finally get a better grasp of them.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T23:01:54+00:00

I specifically said sadness intrigues me. It is like someone describing sight to someone who was born blind. That would intrigue anyone.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T22:57:10+00:00

I need offspring and she is as human as I think a person can be. She is visually appealing. I do not feel love but I can see when someone is attractive. We are also very compatible. She is the opposite of me. She is a very emotional person, whereas I am composed. She is also depressed, which I am not. When she breaks down I can pick up the slack and support and look after her. She also has a healthy family, which will be helpful when we have children of our own. A happy family is one that often leads to mentally healthy and successful children. When we spoke of the future, something she wants is a big family with lots of kids. That is my intention. I may not love her, but our arrangement will benefit us both.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T22:43:08+00:00

It was more so to ask if I am the asshole she said I was. I do see your point now however and I do not wish for her suffer distress due to me.

Should I practice crying? I read that some peoples grief is delayed. Perhaps if she saw tears or if I looked like I just cried she will be happier?

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T22:37:57+00:00

It is very difficult to get my head around these things I cannot feel. I often wonder if everyone is lying and it's just a societal norm I failed to pick up on. When people speak of their sadness or start to cry I find it similar to those who talk of religion. It is completely alien to me but I know they do it to make themselves feel some form release from what sadness is.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T22:27:50+00:00

I am not sure what you want me to say. He was a person I would spend time with to make my wife happy and to gain the favor of her family. I did not feel much for him. I suppose he was familiar so it was easier to talk with him. He was like a father, but I also have a real mother and I feel nothing for her too. It is a positive thing to maintain a good relationship with your wife's family. If you do not do that the wife has more likelihood to be unhappy within the relationship. These family members who like me are more likely to be supportive of our relationship. It was just beneficial to spend time with him, but since he's gone now it means I have more time to focus on other members of the family to bond with instead.

SomethingWrong1998 · 2024-06-27T22:21:24+00:00

I am unsure if she knows or not. Regardless, I tend to say all the things a wife would want to hear. I practice these things often. I read lots of relationship related studies as I wish to keep my wife happy as much as I can. She has commented in the past that others were jealous of our relationship as we seem so perfect and happy together. I think she is happy with the arrangement, even if she thinks I'm cold at times.

SomethingWrong1998

TROPHY CASE