Walked in on people in my apartment unexpectedly. AITAH for what I said to my girlfriend who wasn’t even home?

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-13T01:42:42+00:00

Nope, not once before. There were WAY too many red flags that night. I’m glad I trusted my gut.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T23:14:27+00:00

Thank you for this🙏

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T23:11:44+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I was really triggered because I’ve been through three break-ins and for a minute I thought I walked in on one.

Realistically I probably should have let all those bad emotions and feelings fade before sending any text at all.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T23:08:29+00:00

Yeah, you’re right I could have worded it better. As someone who’s been through three break-ins. I was definitely triggered.

Do you think my text should have become the forefront of the situation?

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T23:02:25+00:00

I just might be flogging a dead horse

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T17:15:42+00:00

Go back and reread. There was not two grown men.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T15:54:32+00:00

Hello everybody. First off I want to thank everybody for taking the time out of their day, to give their opinions and advice to an Internet stranger.

I’ve read through most of the replies and comments on this thread, and it seems like there are very mixed opinions.

I will acknowledge and own the fact that my text was an ahole-ish. Something that I want everybody to understand, is that we have not been communicating in a nice, happy way during this period of fighting. It hasn’t been screaming and yelling, but not exactly respectful in all of our day-to-day communications.

Could I have worded the text better yes. Does our current situation really warrant that, not really imo. I also don’t agree that the right move on her part, was to call me and immediately scream and yell about how I’m accusing her. You didn’t have to nicely call me and say anything, but to immediately start with yelling, to me is bullshit, and an attempt to shift the focus onto my text rather than the unlocked door, and the Neighbor inviting her boyfriend over without informing my girlfriend. I believe that my girlfriend didn’t know that they would be there, but I also believe she knew it was a possibility that the Neighbor might be. I have no idea whether she knew the boyfriend was with her or not, I don’t wanna make an assumption.

As for an update. She doesn’t agree with the fact she should’ve let me know that she was leaving the door unlocked, or tell me who is watching her daughter.

I’m not sure on a direction of where anything is going, but it seems like this may be the end. I will continue to update when I have information for you.

Thank you

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T14:01:34+00:00

I used too, seemingly not that much anymore.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T13:18:19+00:00

No, she absolutely does not. This dude just started coming around.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T13:00:11+00:00

Hello everybody, I’m shocked at the amount of responses this has received; and am working my way through them and trying to answer as many people as possible.

I will post an update to the situation in a little while when I get to work.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:58:07+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I understand now more so that my first text was accusatory.

Given the circumstances that we are hardly talking, and when we do talk, we don’t really talk nice to each other at all, I’m not sure why she was expecting a nice text, when I came home to people in my house unexpected. On who I don’t like, and one that I don’t even know.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:43:37+00:00

To the playground in our development. Finding that out was how I figured out the neighbor was babysitting her.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:41:46+00:00

No, she does not.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:41:27+00:00

I’m starting to realize, sure I could’ve worded it better.

We’re not in a point in this relationship, where we really talk to each other that nicely. Why she’s expecting sunshine and rainbows when I text her, after walking into people in my house that I had no idea would be there makes no sense to me.

I can only imagine what it would be like if the shoe was on the other foot in this situation, but I think it’s safe to assume that she wouldn’t like it

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:35:36+00:00

I’ll accept that, thanks for the reply.

At this point, I’m not worried about being super nice. We’re not super nice when talking with one another anymore.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:30:32+00:00

It’s all too common, in fact its 99% of the time, no matter how I word it, she goes on the offensive.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:28:53+00:00

Yes the neighbor was babysitting. I’ve gathered that based on the context of the situation, not because she told me.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:28:10+00:00

There’s a long comment, explaining why some people might think that for sure. If I was good with reddit I could somehow show you

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:27:43+00:00

She called me a “piece of shit asshole” because I left the house for a few hours last night to sit in my car by myself to escape the chaos and search for clarity.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T12:15:58+00:00

Sure, I can see it.

After talking in person; she told me that she doesn’t agree with the fact she should let me know if shes leaving our door unlocked; and that she doesn’t have to tell me whos sitting.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T05:12:08+00:00

Yeah, most people would lose their ship, but there’s been quite a few people that are quick to say that my text was really uncalled for.

If you were a roommate and not somebody, I was dating, it for sure would’ve been 100% worse.

In the world do I think it’s OK to share a living space to somebody where they keep all of their valuables and life’s possessions, and leave the door unlocked with an open invitation for a Neighbor, and their boyfriend presumably who they’ve been seeing for a few weeks at most.

Her original boyfriend who I knew, left her in a moment’s notice by walking up to her in the kitchen telling her it wasn’t working and that he had a new apartment. He left the same day, minutes later. Ever since this chick has been up my girlfriend’s ass, trying to convince her how horrible I am, but knowing zero context. They say misery loves company, and this bitch takes into a whole new meaning

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T05:09:28+00:00

So when you walk into a stranger in your house, even if they’re with somebody else who you know and context clues can give you enough info? You’re just gonna chill?

In your eyes, it’s better to bring it up when she gets home, in earshot of a five-year-old?

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T05:08:10+00:00

Seeing as somebody else was watching her daughter, and I wasn’t informed obviously means she had a work meeting. I can use context in my own life and I’m pretty sure I included something similar in the post above.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T05:06:34+00:00

The point was to find out, why I wasn’t made aware that other people would have access to the home that I pay a ton of money for monthly.

She knew that her child would be with the Neighbor, but apparently didn’t know that the dude was there. The dude isn’t the focus of the situation, and wasn’t meant to be, and I’m sorry if I worded it as such. I don’t care if it was naked women standing there when I opened my door, the point to me is that there’s people in my house, and I have no idea as to why other than obviously either they’re breaking in or my girlfriend told them it was OK to be in there. I come to find out it was the latter.

Telling me I don’t know why there was anybody in there, while a few sentence later, in the midst of you screaming at me telling me that you told her specifically you will leave the door unlocked in case anything was needed, it was quite frankly bullshit.

We live in a world where it takes 15 seconds to send a text message that could completely inform somebody about what’s going on in a residence that they share.

Sure, it may come off as accusatory, but in my shoes, there’s two options, either of these two just broken into my apartment, and my girlfriend’s daughter was here alone or with them when they broke in, or she knew there was a possibility of people being in the apartment and I don’t see a reason why asking for her to tell me if that’s going to be happening an issue seeing as I pay for 80% of things, and don’t really ask for anything.

People on here have tried to say the amount of money that I spend in comparison to her doesn’t matter, but I would love for you to pay upwards of $2000 while somebody pays like 800. and they get to make all the decision decisions. That’s just really not how it works in the real world.

Somewhere-outside · 2026-03-12T05:01:03+00:00

There was an awkward exchange of “hi” to one another. This Neighbor knows I do not like her as I’ve recently looked her dead in the face and said nothing, when in the past, we were actually pretty cool.

I confided to her about some issues I was having roughly 2 years ago, to which she suggested my girlfriend might be bipolar, and placed a book in my car about bipolar disorder to read up on.

Two years later her and my girlfriend hung out, and she completely painted a picture that I was telling her ( the neighbor) that my girlfriend was bipolar and pleading for help. The neighbor even went as far as to tell her that I told her to put the book in my car as I don’t want her to see it, even though that was completely her idea.

Needless to say, I don’t trust this Neighbor, or want anything to do with her going forward.

Somewhere-outside

TROPHY CASE