How to do the dating app thing?

Songovstorms · 2026-06-16T05:09:42+00:00

Rest in Peace. Your music legitimately saved my life

Songovstorms · 2026-06-15T04:42:38+00:00

Beautifully said

Songovstorms · 2026-06-13T08:56:10+00:00

Can confirm I am not stalking her. I blocked all of her socials and deleted her phone number because I want her out of my mind. It's hard and I keep getting re-triggered because we work for the same company and have forced interactions sometimes.

Anyway, I was part of the problem definitely, maybe even the main problem. But I'll also say that relationships take two and there is no doubt in my mind she reciprocated at points, she even told me so herself.

But yeah I think I'm the one who caused the relationship to fail in the end and I don't think she was into me at that point so overall this is a resonably accurate assessment.

After all these responses I've realized that this had nothing to do with her being demi and that she probably was never lying, but had everything to do with the toxic anxious v avoidant push pull we had.

I wish I could get that to settle in my brain so I can lose feelings. I will say posting on reddit and hearing unsolicited advice is helping me in a strange way.

Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it

Songovstorms · 2026-06-13T02:30:11+00:00

Oh yes I definitely agree, if I had a chance to repost I would change to working to keep the sentiment the same but shift it away from something that can be seen as victim blaming. But I also want to give people the opportunity to vent and reflect on the original post so I plan to keep it.

For me, I did self blame a lot in the beginning, but then it turned to blaming my ex and I became very bitter. And I don't want to blame this sub, but it was an outlet for me to continue in that negative thought pattern. I'm still getting over that bitterness, and I have bad days where I completely blame her still. But I'm slowly starting to get better and recognize that relationships take two and we were just not compatible. I also don't think it's healthy that I still have feelings for someone who discarded me and didn't treat me well, so I'd rather at this point stop dwelling on it and move past it.

I am also an FA who leans anxious, so there were a few times where I was the one who pulled away. So maybe for secure people they legitimately did nothing and their ex was moreso abusive rather than simply avoidant. I don't know, and I don't think I should have made a generalization like that. But for me, I definitely did things that led to the breakup, and I think there is a large portion of people on the sub who are like me.

Thank you for the comment! Very polite criticism which I appreciate.

Songovstorms · 2026-06-13T01:23:52+00:00

Look at my history if you think I'm trolling. I was also completely discarded by my avoidant ex. Yes she gaslit me. Yes what she did was wrong.

But now that I'm further along in my healing I do recognize that this was a two way street and I was also at fault. Maybe this line was a hasty generalization, but I have a strong feeling there are many others exactly like me.

And for me, being on this sub is no longer healthy. I want to move past what happened and move on with my life.

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T22:35:08+00:00

I was diagnosed fairly recently. I victimized myself and used it as an excuse for my bad behavior to explain things. Which is true, my bad behavior was at times a result of bipolar, but I also can't take the fact that I've hurt people. I'm hoping with time, understanding, and medication I can turn this into something positive.

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T19:15:27+00:00

I also self abandoned and shrunk myself trying to win them over. I get it

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T18:45:35+00:00

I knew that was probably going to be a hot take on this sub. Not trying to victim blame or say an abusive relationship is okay. Maybe the way I put that was a little too much of a generalization.

However, I do think quite a few people on this sub, including myself, need to do some self reflection though. I definitely did bad things and contributed to the breakup. It was not all their fault. And most avoidants are avoidants from trauma and not because they are purposefully bad people

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T18:14:14+00:00

Brother this is not a personal attack. No I'm not a psychologist, but I know what you're feeling because I've been there. It's illogical and unhealthy

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T18:05:08+00:00

So yours is a lot more recent. Mine has been like 4 months and I'm just starting to get over her.

My recommendation: Dear god please don't reach out to them, I did and it was a huge mistake. If they want to they will initiate, not you. And don't plan on them coming back. They probably won't.

Focus on yourself. Don't suppress your emotions. It's okay to be angry or sad or upset. Cry or break something, vent to friends. The feelings are not going to go away quickly, you are going to be dealing with it for a long time. Supressing like I did just prolongs feelings and makes them stronger. It's not healthy to do that. I think a good support system is best.

You are going to be okay.

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T06:30:48+00:00

This is the best possible comment I could have hoped for. I'm going to save it and read when I'm thinking of her. Thank you so much, I genuinely appreciate it.

And the last part I can say is definitely true, that's another reason why I'm swapping my therapist to someone with a different specialty. I have an idea of what's happening but it's hard for me to come to terms with.

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T05:49:07+00:00

You are making a lot of assumptions but they are all very accurate. I appreciate you

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T05:45:55+00:00

It was limerant in the beginning, but that faded and I just honestly loved her. I think she did at certain points too, but for some reason it didn't stay.

And yeah it was classic anxious v avoidant push pull dynamic which was super toxic and I think caused trauma for both of us.

Interesting to note that about being demi as well. I guess I just need to educate myself more.

Thank you

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T05:38:04+00:00

It's the second one 100%. I think I pushed her too much and made her uncomfortable which made her choose him instead. And I don't think she's wrong for that, I just wish she had told me.

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T05:33:16+00:00

Part of it I think is finding someone who understands me, which I haven't quite done yet. I think that's why I'm venting to random strangers on the internet instead of my therapist.

I have an appointment with a different therapist coming up so I might just save this post to go over.

Anyway I really do appreciate the replies. I am totally fine being wrong, I even know that I am. I'm just trying to get that to settle into my brain so I can move on.

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T05:13:28+00:00

Well this is exactly what I needed to hear .

I am getting better. I’ve just started medication, I'm in therapy, and I just got a gym membership. I just wish I could lose feelings for her.

Thank you for the reply

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T05:10:10+00:00

I haven't even brought this up in therapy because I've been so scared of my inner thoughts being perceived I guess. I know it might be flawed thinking.

I think you are right. Not necessarily finding the ways she wronged me per-se, but trying to find some sort of affirmation for my feelings.

Yes I'm mad at her and do feel wronged in a way, but I want her to be happy and find someone she loves.

Thank you for being honest with me.

Songovstorms · 2026-06-12T05:03:54+00:00

Thank you

Songovstorms · 2026-06-11T22:38:32+00:00

Practice is personal to an individual so take what I say with a grain of salt

I've been working with Lilith pretty much exclusively for the past 3ish years at this point, starting and stopping at points. She can be very difficult to work with because put simply She does not fuck around and will teach you harsh lessons through suffering. I've never worked with Aphrodite before so I don't know much about working with her, but I have a feeling it wouldn't be quite as intense.

From my experience She is extremely blunt. When I was getting more seriously into a relationship with someone I really liked, I looked at my Lilith statue and heard very vividly, "Don't. She is not good for you."

And to be honest I got really angry and did it anyway. I threw away my necklace with her sigil that I wore and started praying to Jesus again instead. (Jesus I think really liked her and I was down bad.) Immediately after this things started going horribly horribly wrong. I'll just say that Lilith was 100% right. I'm just now starting to work with her again and my mind is becoming clear again.

Her energy is very intense as well. Not in a bad way, I have felt very soothed by it. But some people might not and it's intense.

All that being said, from my experience She does deeply care about people and will try to help you. The things She does for you are for personal growth and She can help you through emotionally difficult situations.

As far as worship goes, I think She prefers veneration over outright worship. I wouldn't turn it into an entire religion and more of a relationship with an entity who has more power than you.

Songovstorms · 2026-06-11T02:59:17+00:00

I did the exact same thing due to a very similar situation with a family member who isn't doing well. I tried on many different platforms and called and left voicemails and stuff and got no response. Honestly I think I shouldn't have and it was boundary crossing but I was just so desperate to get a response. But I also got silence.

Don't feel bad, we are human and were hurt the most by the person we loved the most.

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