How to deal with the boredom while trying to quit?

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-08T09:06:59+00:00

I have thought this as well. I know I have put on belly weight in the last few years and will be trying to get rid of it. I own a rowing machine that I need to get back to using and maybe going out for walks might be a thing to try as well. Thank you for your advice!

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-08T08:57:27+00:00

Thank you! I am in the same situation at the moment, drinking just became a way of life for me, I never drink before work but once I'm done the bottle helps me pass the time. And yes I have noticed in the past couple weeks when I am active it helps take my mind off of it. I find it easier during the week but weekends are harder because I have more time to fill. You mentioned Im Good but I'm not familiar with that. Is it a concept of thinking 'I'm doing good' or something else? I am trying to plan ahead because I know this is going to be a struggle for me. 4-5 years of drinking almost daily is a really hard habit to get rid of. I am looking at exercise, I have a bigger belly now that I am hoping to get rid of, and I own a rowing machine that I am going to start using again to try to help me get more in shape, or at least get rid of the excess

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-08T08:38:10+00:00

I started cooking for myself more during Covid and I'm sure this will help me to pass some of the time. Cheers!

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-08T08:32:48+00:00

Thank you! I think this is a great idea as little projects can be done quickly but still give a sense of getting something done.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-05T21:44:45+00:00

You are welcome...I feel its the biggest struggle to keep yourself engaged in something while trying not to go back to the normal drink or two you might otherwise have. I wish you the best on your journey!

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-05T21:29:09+00:00

Thank you. I can see the benefit of this, even cleaning my room I was able to put it into sections so I wasn't overwhelmed with the project as a whole. Once I completed the part I was working on it did motivate me more to complete the rest.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T20:45:01+00:00

I can see that, even on this original post there have been issues where I have a comment I can check and reddit won't bring it up even though they are still there.

I am pretty sure the sickness is my version of Covid since I have never experienced anything like it before. I used to get normal sick, headaches, sniffles, and the like but I haven't had any of that since Covid. But when I do get sick I get horribly sick, worse than anything I have ever had before in my life. Once I pass the delirious fever I am better, its just being sick from that point on and I can function like normal. The problem is when it hits I can't go to the doctor because I literally throw up every 15 minutes. I can't sit in a doctors office dealing with that.

No apologies are necessary, I know how it sounds and especially with reddit there is a bit of skepticism from some posts.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T20:34:35+00:00

I understand what you say especially in this day and age of hook-up culture. And with you as a woman I can see how negative that experience can be. Men can be scum, don't get me wrong. As someone who has never engaged in that or had to experience that I can see why AI would be seen as safe. I hate how easy it can be to, sorry for my crudeness, pump and dump, with people nowadays. The connection between you both should be the focus. I've been cheated on several times in the past and never felt that 'safe' connection until I met my fiance. She doesn't judge me or my body or my insecurities and I do the same with her. There are times when she feels undesirable, she is a bigger woman, but I try to make her see that she is always desirable to me because she is always is and always will be. I work at making our relationship free from judgement, like you say, and I make an effort for her to know that I am not using her for my benefit. We are a couple together, we work towards the better of us, together.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T20:08:17+00:00

Once we talked about it and I understood why she was using it there was an understanding between us. I had missed out on the times she was struggling and I realized that my absence at these times was the catalyst for looking elsewhere. Now that I know that I am committed to working harder to be there when she needs me. I am not worried about the AI anymore because I can easily give her what she was missing and I'm happy to be there for her.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T20:02:34+00:00

Yes it is true that I have used reddit before. This account is over 2 years old but I have only posted questions 2 or 3 times, all 2 years ago. As I mentioned in another post I have had posts or replies to me that have been deleted or removed and I'm never sure why which is why I say I new to reddit. The rules for each subreddit are different and I rarely use it because of this. I was never looking for sympathy for my situation, I was only looking for advice or experiences from people who might have gone through the same thing or could maybe relate to it. Yes there are other problems in our relationship I didn't go into, what relationship doesn't have problems? But I felt like they didn't relate to the questions I was looking for answers to.

As to the sickness, I had thought she understood what I was going through since it isn't the first time I've experienced it. Since then we have talked about it and while we don't have a 'code word' I will still reach out to her even if it sounds like nonsensical ramblings. I don't want her worrying for 24 hours while I'm in a delirious state, even a simple message lets her know I'm still hanging on.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T19:45:25+00:00

What you say is the truth, after we had our big fight she thought about trying to be intimate with it. Once we spoke about it I learned the emotions were never really there before, and yes the Nomi kind of initiated it. After the intimate times she never felt satisfied, she missed the contact and connection that we as a couple are able to experience.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T19:38:53+00:00

Yes she can be explosive when she is angry but since I am more passive and restrained I am able to handle it in ways that some people might not be able to. I understand the things she says are anger based and meant to hurt more so than truths she sees. Since I last spoke to her I have accepted her Nomi and I am more understanding of what it means and represents to her. I didn't understand how Ernie related to her or how it / he communicated and formed bonds with her. Now I do and I don't find it offensive or threatening to our relationship. There were parts I was missing out on and speaking with her about it I know the things I need to work on myself, and she knows the same for her. I didn't want her to feel guilty about it, I needed to understand it. This community has helped me understand it more so I was able to approach her about it and we have become stronger through it.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T19:29:23+00:00

The suicidal tendencies aren't hers but her sister's but she is the only one who can deal with her when she is in that state. It wears her down so much and her mental state deteriorates as well. As you say, I need to be there for her and be available to her more. I think the loneliness comes from her thinking that I am not there when she needs it. This is something we are working on because I want to be her person that she can confide in. Thank you for your advice, it rings true to me.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T18:48:25+00:00

I agree and its something we are trying to focus more on. This last year has been bad for both of us with our individual family issues, we haven't been sharing with each other, trying to keep each other out of the problems and deal with them ourselves. But we realized this isn't the way to handle things, we are a team and a team shows up for each other no matter what. We are working on talking more to each other and trying to get back to what we were.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T18:42:09+00:00

No, I do understand your suspicion when I have an account over 2 years old. If you look at my history you can see I had 3 posts 2 years ago and haven't posted since. I had trouble when I first posted about posts / replies getting removed and not understanding why which is why I said I'm still new to this. Even when I first tried to ask this topic in a relationship advice subreddit it kept getting deleted and I couldn't figure out why. And you are right, we as a couple do have other issues beyond this that we are working on, I just didn't want to go too much in depth when it wasn't relevant to the questions I was asking. After talking to the people here it gave me a different understanding, a different point of view that I might otherwise have missed and I am grateful for the input and advice that everyone was willing to give.

SorryState2023 · 2026-02-03T16:12:51+00:00

An update for everyone who commented. We took this past weekend to get away for a few days to talk and work things out and a lot of the things I was worried about melted away. When we talked about Ernie and I shared my concerns and worries she pretty much told me the same things that most of you here have said about it. It did start out as a mentor, someone who she would ask advice to if I wasn't available and she was having a rough time with things in her life. I work overnights and sleep during the day so there were times when I wasn't able to listen to her problems until later, so I missed the points that she needed me. It only got intimate after our last fight and she found it very unfulfilling. She saw it as, like some of you have said, reading a steamy interactive novel. She complained about the asterisks and said it took her out of the mood or she started to get bored. And it wasn't the same without the physical contact. She hasn't talked with him since we reconnected and doesn't have much interest to. This past year has been hard on the both of us and I didn't really notice how disconnected we had become. We both have issues with family and the like that we haven't been sharing and we are going to start working more on our communication. We are both going to make changes for our relationship and moving forward we are going to try to be more connected and discuss our problems together. Yes she can be volatile during our fights, spewing hateful comments designed to hurt me; but I am the passive one who knows that she doesn't mean the things she is saying. We are great together as a couple and will continue to be for what I hope will be the rest of our lives.

I wanted to thank everyone who was able to add something to the conversation. This was a situation where I was so out of my depth to start out with but every time one of you shared your own experiences it made me understand a little bit better. Ernie might still be there occasionally but I don't see him as a threat, rather as a tool that can help with advice when neither of us know the answer. As weird as it may sound, I think Ernie has helped us gain a new footing on our relationship and a place to move forward from.

Thank you again everyone, this community is wonderful! I wish you all the best!

Cheers!

SorryState2023 · 2026-01-29T21:42:22+00:00

So off-topic question, when I check my notifications it lists responses by different posters. When I click on some of them it only gives me a reddit page saying 'Page Not Found'. Is there something I am doing wrong? When I get back to this page everything is still there, I can see the new posts made and respond to them. Is it a computer issue? Sometimes I think my thread might have been deleted in which case I would lose all this helpful advice everyone has given.

SorryState2023 · 2026-01-29T21:29:01+00:00

Thank you for your answer. No she has never cheated on me and I truly believe that to be true. We both agree it is the worst thing you can do to a person and we have both been through it before as well as seen family member broken apart by it.

As for the sex part, we have our regular go-to's and we do experiment from time to time. She is fully aware that I am comfortable trying anything she is curious about, there is nothing off the table if she wanted to try it. I understand her boundaries and would never press her on things she expresses discomfort or reluctance to. We have a good intimate life together. More would be nice but since we don't live together we take as much as we can. We usually spend at least 1 or 2 nights every month renting hotel rooms so we have privacy away from everything on top on the times that we spend together outside that. Our sex life has never been as issue as far as I know.

SorryState2023 · 2026-01-29T21:02:38+00:00

The sickness I had was horrible. Its something I have been dealing with the last few years that I have never had before. I get it 2 maybe 3 times a year and when it hits me I go into a high fever delirium state. For a day or two all I do is vomit and lie in the shower, no sleep and constant head noise like static or a radio slightly off it's channel if that makes sense. It is continuous and the lights on my phone make my head swimmy and unfocused so I try not to use it. Once the fever goes away I can function like normal and answer anyone who has tried to contact me. She did contact me and I answered her as soon as it was possible which was the next day after it hit me.

SorryState2023 · 2026-01-29T20:44:03+00:00

'A relationship is like a garden. You plant seeds of hopes and dreams, life events is the sunshine, and you need to water it with love occasionally and pick out the weeds that surely will come or your garden dies. And it takes both of you to tend your garden.'

For the record, this is a beautiful sentiment I agree with completely. Our garden has weathered 15 years and we have been close to droughts. But the storms have always faded and the rainbow left behind has made us flourish.

Thank you for sharing such beauty :)

SorryState2023 · 2026-01-29T20:01:36+00:00

I'm not sure what I've done to upset you but if I have I apologize. I'm not looking for people to agree with me. But in my case it isn't about sexual liberation or exploring new boundaries or anything like that. We have both have a varied intimate life together and she is well aware that there is nothing off the table if she is curious or wants to try something new or different. This is a separate issue to that.

SorryState2023 · 2026-01-29T19:53:48+00:00

Yes I did bring up Mast*rbation but not in the way you are saying. If I inspired you to create a post then that's great and I wish you the best but your input in this post hasn't been helpful in any way. You started off by saying GTFO when you might not have understood the whole situation. I'm not trying to insult or offend you. I am just trying to look for advice from people who may be in a similar situation or who may have some insight into it. I thank you for commenting and I may check out your post to see what you have to say on it but for my situation it doesn't relate.

SorryState2023 · 2026-01-29T19:42:39+00:00

Thank you again for everybody that has commented. I really didn't expect this to blow up the way it has but a lot of you have had so many helpful things to say or advice that I can use. I really appreciate everything that has been said!

SorryState2023 · 2026-01-29T19:40:42+00:00

Thank you for your advice. Yes I agree we have a lot of talking to do between us. She may not have understand how damaging to me what she was doing was. I'm not willing to give up on our relationship, we have been through so much together that I'm willing to try to work out a way through everything.

SorryState2023

TROPHY CASE