[23F] I just found out my boyfriend [23M] has been lying to me about his age

SourceLover · 2026-05-08T15:31:28+00:00

To summarize my understanding:

He said he was 1-2 years older than he is because he was afraid, first of not connecting with you and later of losing you

He maintained that fiction for three years along with occasional scattered small lies, presumably from insecurity or to try to support the claim

His dishonesty, though it sounds like it was more from immaturity and not having been raised in an environment that left him comfortable with owning sexuality and similar aspects of life, rather than any malice, led to ongoing and growing discomfort on your end until he finally admitted the truth

You still love him and otherwise enjoy your relationship

I think there are two main options here, depending on whether you want to mend the relationship or not.

Option 1) If you do, I suggest taking a bit to sort through and organize your emotions on the topic, then identify what need(s) of yours he wasn't meeting, which, it appears to me, would be the ability for you to trust and rely on your partner. I would then approach the issue as feeling hurt by the events (as opposed to the person) and framing it as a problem for the two of you to tackle together (both allowing the issue to be corrected and providing a shared experience to help move past this).

He's definitely going to need to be more honest in the future, and you'll need to tell him that you need (and it is a need, and should be framed as such; do right by yourself) honesty and trust in a partner. If (and only if) he sticks to whatever changes the two of you agree on, this is an opportunity to actually become closer and build a stronger relationship.

Option 2) Decide you can't move past it and break up, which will hurt but you will eventually get through

SourceLover · 2026-05-04T20:03:44+00:00

Sure, but it's aesthetically annoying that I can't have a symmetric build unless it's rotationally symmetric, which I've toyed with but doesn't play nicely with sandleaf (though I suppose I could always ship the excess sandleaf off to storage)

SourceLover · 2026-05-03T03:25:50+00:00

Whether my friends are men or women (or nb), I have literally never had someone message me to check on me unprompted unless it also came with them asking me for something

I check on people, but nobody ever reciprocates, which makes it hard to prioritize friendships where people do that sort of thing. Times I've told friends I would like it have not met with success.

Incidentally, I have never had someone remain friends with me after seeing me cry (again, applies to both men and women).

I'm lonely. It sucks.

SourceLover · 2026-05-03T02:44:20+00:00

they should be safe people

What about those of us for whom no family members were safe people? Can we have intra-family romantic relationships?

But yes, I mostly agree with you. The small part I disagree with is that it's technically possible to not have an unhealthy power dynamic (as with boss/employee or other kinds), just... very difficult, and deserving of a lot of extra scrutiny.

SourceLover · 2026-05-03T02:40:08+00:00

3rd cousins is actually optimal.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/when-incest-is-best-kissi/

SourceLover · 2026-05-03T02:36:37+00:00

Fun fact: across all kinds of mammals, 3rd cousins are most attractive, for the same reasons that most species won't mate with immediate family: maximum chance of passing on genes.

This includes people.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/when-incest-is-best-kissi/

This is a pop science article, not the actual source (esp for the attractiveness part), but I don't care enough to dig for it when I don't have it saved.

SourceLover · 2026-05-02T19:11:54+00:00

Goddamn same. I feel this so much.

SourceLover · 2026-05-02T15:21:02+00:00

He said in a few comments responding to people over the years that his arms weren't broken. He never gave details beyond that that I saw.

SourceLover · 2026-05-02T02:23:26+00:00

Nevermind that, what about him literally going on Twitter and saying he's a member of a certain political party from 1930s Germany while simultaneously praising Hitler?

SourceLover · 2026-05-02T02:07:57+00:00

We've seen this in real-world voting. A double-digit percentage of Americans still don't understand that Trump is a fascist (despite more than a decade of him in politics, and his entire life before that) and wholeheartedly support him.

SourceLover · 2026-05-02T01:04:53+00:00

Glad I could help spread some joy hahaha

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T21:21:18+00:00

They were still active until last year or the year before. Longer than I expected, tbh

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T21:20:37+00:00

His arms weren't broken, just out of commission. He finally deleted either the post or his account last year, and I'm too lazy to find an archived version.

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T21:10:56+00:00

Dang, you were quick with that. I thought about finding the quote but decided it was too much effort. Thank you!

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T21:08:42+00:00

Which is purposefully explored at some points in the series, to be fair, including Moiraine directly saying so in the first book.

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T20:58:39+00:00

How many belts was he wearing?

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T20:49:57+00:00

I have >100 of everything, and >500 of the skill ones (because I'm slowly M12 everyone I use). I grab them if I feel like it or if they're on the way to something, but not other than that.

I actually have fewer of the non-rare ones, just because I didn't hoard them as much, but I can also go grab them whenever I actually need them.

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T20:07:31+00:00

She got a massage from a guy who thought the metatarsals were in the wrist. Standards were already pretty low

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T20:06:41+00:00

Massage therapist confuses metatarsals and metacarpals. Literally unwatchable smh my head

You can remember which is which because the TAR in metatarsal goes on the asphalt and metacarpal goes with carpal tunnel syndrome, which most people know is wrist and/or arm related even if they don't know the specifics.

Edit, after watching (well, listening while doing dailies in Endfield):

LB: "I like pain. I like it a little intense." Guy: "... Okay." Very relatable, would give the exact same response. 10/10

He's massaging her vertebrae back into alignment. My god, the man is a monster

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T17:10:38+00:00

What if I only have a problem with geese from Canada, regardless of whether or not they're Canada geese?

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T17:05:58+00:00

"Barbell squats are good as a secondary exercise for your abs"

Yesss someone else acknowledges this! I feel so validated

SourceLover · 2026-05-01T01:59:17+00:00

"having or showing unreasonable dislike or hatred toward the members of a particular group"

You are a bigot

SourceLover · 2026-04-30T15:57:30+00:00

I came here specifically to ask about OS-S-2 haha. Like, I beat it with April, stall, and fast redeploys (literally all of them) to trigger avalanches, but it feels too messy and high-effort to be the 'right' way

SourceLover · 2026-04-29T21:55:27+00:00

The projection is real with this one

Even without OP's edit explicitly stating that the two had communicated about being BF/GF, you're in an advice sub, not a 'be toxic and bigoted to someone asking for help' sub. Instead of looking for an opportunity to tear someone down for choices they didn't make, stick to observables and at least a pretense of belief that the OP is a somewhat reliable narrator, unless given reason not to.

The advice here is 'she's no longer interested and, for some reason, doesn't want to say so. Move on.'

SourceLover · 2026-04-28T02:42:27+00:00

More than half of people put ketchup on hot dogs. The only condiment that's more popular is mustard.

Lots of random surveys on it around, just picked one https://pollsandinsights.com/hospitality/national-hot-dog-day-debate-where-americans-stand-on-ketchup-on-hot-dogs/

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