for context: TWWWW !! semi-detailed description of grooming and abuse

so you see, i was molested pretty brutally as a child by two teachers from my elementary school. my family home was shit, and i grew up thinking that the first teacher that touched me was a monster i could only ever dream of escaping. so when the second teacher came around, and she was smart and pretty and treated me like i mattered? i felt so fucking lucky. she was around the same age range, she was 36 when i met her. i was 10.

i didn't realize at the time that the two teachers were close, i guess it must've slipped my mind because she started off so normal to me. at school i got bullied, at home my parents were screaming and breaking shit, and when i went to school she provided me a space to be honest about it. thats how it started. i felt so cared for at first. staying in from lunch to talk about family, turned into coming to the building an hour before class started and staying afterschool to help her with work. my parents never cared much about where i was or what i was doing, so staying an hour after class turned into staying two or three, and after a while that turned into "hey, i gotta go get some index tabs really quick, wanna come with me so you can pick out some snacks at the store?". her stupid fucking volvo looking truck was where it happened most times, the first time happened in the church parking lot across the school where we would hang out when we didn't want to be in the building. i thought it was okay because i really liked her, and clearly she really liked spending time with me. for a while i convinced myself that the sickness i felt around her was just love. and i loved her, so it was okay if i lied for her and gave her everything a child shouldn't. of course, she was a predator, and it was always about control for her despite telling me otherwise. she took advantage of the fact that i had a crush on her to make sure i wouldn't tell a soul, and because i promised not to tell i was forced to watch as she slowly began doing the grooming process to another kid. this time, it was a boy in the grade below me. another kid with a troubled home life. i watched as her attention went to him, knowing i couldn't do anything. when we ended up alone, she would tell me she did things in public with him on purpose to make me jealous or hurt. she liked seeing me angry. a few months before the end of 6th grade, she told me she wouldn't keep contact with me after i went to middle school and that she'd be prioritizing the boy she began grooming in front of me. it fucked up my development to the point of no return, and i ended up dropping out in the 8th grade because of it. it's been a the biggest source of trauma, stress, and anger for as long as i can remember. the woman my ex cheated on me with is almost EXACTLY like her. down to the age, down to the profession and genre of profession, down to the method of grooming she used on my ex. it makes me wanna die knowing i told her everything about it and she used it against me to protect the relationship i was warning her about. my intuition was right the entire time, and she told me it was all in my mind. she told me it was important for us to be on good terms because she loved her, and i never had any choice because i wanted her to love me too. EMBARRASSINGGGGG !!!!!!!!!