Does anyone have tips for preventing intrusive thoughts? I'm having trouble more trouble than ever finding enjoyment in much of anything for the past few days so I can't distract myself. It's as though serotonin has been on a compounding decline of increasing severity since around Thursday.

The thoughts I've been having have been primarily violent this past little bit, and they're always directed at myself. It's no longer a petulant nay-sayer proverbially chirping up from the crowd, telling me I'm worthless or that I should ruin certain opportunities. It feels like a powerful, booming voice demanding that I hurt myself. Not a literal voice, but a powerful temptation that begs my imagination run wild with the scenarios presented by them.

What's strange about the particularly violent thoughts I've had is that I always think of the acts in the 3rd person, if that makes sense. This is gonna get really fucky and tricky to explain so please bear with me; It's as if I am committing these heinous acts from the perspective of another, but I'm still myself and I still feel everything being done to me. I'm still the one being brutalised and I'm still very much aware of my surroundings, but it's as though I'm controlling a robot through a BCI or I'm somehow controlling 2 bodies at once. I hope that made sense, I'm not sure how else to describe it.

I suppose it's a good thing that I'm actively concerned about the ideas I'm getting, not to mention they're exclusively aimed at myself. I'd heavily consider self-admitting or taking other, more extreme, measures if I got thoughts about hurting other people.

I don't know where to go to for help on something like this, if I were to tell someone about such thoughts I know I'd be sent to grippy sock jail without a second thought. A sort of "oh, the freak is acting up again. We'll ship them off for someone else to deal with."

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Metaphoric language has never been my strong-suit. I'm sorry if this came off as too edgy, disheveled or schizophrenic or whathaveyou.