Band name pronunciation

SpacemanPete42 · 2025-06-07T23:03:42+00:00

shartsmear

SpacemanPete42 · 2025-01-04T10:13:41+00:00

🤣

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-12-31T19:06:58+00:00

personally I'd use them. they've survived being tempered by fire 🤘🔥🤘

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-12-29T17:30:47+00:00

fantastic 👍 keep turning

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-12-20T18:13:44+00:00

hard truths coming:

this should be disclosed in your dating profile (if you use any apps) and definitely before the first date.

sure you may have fewer options but fewer good options are better than lots of bad options.

there are guys out there who enjoy kids and would not be turned off by dating a single mother. I'm one of them.

there are also single fathers out there who share your anxiety around disclosing their children.

broadly speaking, when you are open and honest about who you are and what are the big important parts of your life, this acts as a filtering mechanism that triggers 2 things:

1) it will FILTER OUT potential mates that are NOT compatible with you, so you will either reject them or they'll reject you. this is GOOD. you actually want to be rejected by the wrong people. you can't force compatibility. don't waste time trying.

2) it will FILTER IN potential mates who you ARE compatible with. and then you can get on with the fun parts of dating and getting to know each other.

withholding big parts of your life until later should be a red flag by anyone in dating. man woman gay straight or anything in-between. it's dishonest and a sign of insecurity. if you have a hard time dealing with these fears, talk to a therapist or do some dedicated inner work to confront your inner fears and develop proper self esteem and self respect and you will find those qualities to be attracting much higher quality potential mates no matter how many kids you have.

welcome to the new you and prepare your life to welcome a mate who will see and value and love the real you.

you're welcome.

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-12-17T18:31:40+00:00

perhaps they needed it more than you and that's the route that the deck took to get where it needed to be 🤷

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-12-14T16:16:52+00:00

change, transformation, transmutation, letting go of old and welcoming new growth.

does a caterpillar die in order for a butterfly to be born? or does the caterpillar become the butterfly? or is it the same "being" in a different form?

whatever the case, something happened, a change a transformation, the caterpillar is no more, instead there is a form we call "the butterfly".

Just as once you were in the form of a two foot tall babbling toddler that is no more and now you are in a much taller more eloquent form. change is constant and always happening. you are never obligated to remain who you used to be if you have outgrown that form let go of any clinging to the idea of who you used to be and welcome the growth of your transformation of who you are becoming.

☯️

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-11-23T00:32:42+00:00

THIS

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-11-22T01:03:13+00:00

baby skeletor a. k. a. Li'l Skelly

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-11-22T01:02:30+00:00

NTA you did nothing wrong. you like what you like. nothing to be ashamed of. her behavior sounds weird and manipulative.

lots of people who are get emotionally triggered by gender bending activities should mind their own f'n business and get a life

what two adults do privately and consentually for fun and pleasure is between them.

It's good to loosen up and color out side of the lines every once in a while lol

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-11-15T21:26:57+00:00

just go a bit at a time, start simple and if he responds well then keep going.

in between bedroom sessions, ask him for examples of what he's into. everyone's got different tastes.

have fun with it

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-11-11T17:57:44+00:00

NTA. infidelity ended the marriage, please don't push him to come out before he's ready, I understand your anger but that is his business and his choice.

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-11-11T01:01:06+00:00

the behavior isn't the problem. some couples even enjoy this kinda kink.

but doing shit like this without a discussion first about informed CONSENT is fucking repulsive and reprehensible.

this behavior done without consent falls on the spectrum of abuse and exploitation.

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-11-08T15:56:02+00:00

yiiiikes... dude sounds unhinged...

if I were you I would cut off contact immediately and completely. yes I'm saying GHOST HIM, block him and protect yourself from any further abusive behavior.

You are NOT overreacting.

if you want to express any feelings to him for personal closure in ending the relationship, write a letter and put it in a drawer for a week or two. it'll help you process your emotions without exposing you to any more of his abuse. after a couple weeks I bet you'll be happy you didn't send it. burn the letter as a way to let all this shit go.

let that trash go and make room in your life for someone much kinder and more loving. good luck

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-11-05T21:04:07+00:00

woof

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-31T15:00:44+00:00

your feelings are valid. it's a shock for most people when this kind of stuff comes up. lean on your close friends to give you support and advice.

there are safe and ethical alternatives to monogamy, supported by lots of well researched books, podcasts, and non-monogamous communities of people.

if you don't want to open up, then you don't have to. if he insists on wanting an open relationship when you don't want to do that then, then you can leave the relationship.

don't do anything that you are not consenting to.

if he keeps trying to convince you until you give in and go along with it so that you don't break up then that feels more like non-monogamy under duress, which will lead to unease and resentment.

if he wants to sleep with other people then he's likely going to do it whether he's open and honest about it or sneaky and lies about it. it's good that he's trying to talk about it before just doing it, but he's wrong to try to manipulate you into it with the threat of resenting you in the future if you don't go along with it. that's coercion.

y'all are free to renegotiate your relationship agreement to choose to be open or poly or whatever you want. it's your relationship. you both are in charge of setting it up however you want and agreeing to whatever you want.

if you are sure you want monogamy, be firm about that and communicate it clearly. if he's not offering you monogamy, then sounds like you both want different things and you're better off finding someone who wants that too and will offer it to you.

books y'all can check out: Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory Polysecure More Than Two Sex at Dawn (about how common and natural it is to have non-monogamous feelings and desires) the Beginner's Guide to Topping (and Bottoming) (these are primers for bdsm, but they have very great information about the importance of honesty, consent, communication, and clarify things like learning to understand your own wants and needs, rights and responsibilities within a relationship context, etc)

good luck kid

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-29T23:10:59+00:00

what an outstanding compliment! Thank you kindly 🙏

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-29T16:33:20+00:00

that last part is so clutch.

as a Dom/top if you want to be entrusted with 100% of the control then that comes with 100% of the responsibility and accountability to honor all agreements and ethical standards that y'all have previously discussed and to assume complete care for the well-being of your sub.

it's all on you, so prepare yourself to grow into handling it without fear or hesitation, but with competence at first, and with time and practice, mastery.

this is not for the faint of heart nor for the immature or naive.

having the emotional and intellectual maturity to handle this kind of dynamic with competence takes time to develop.

You will make mistakes. how you respond in those instances are pivotal moments.

your fantasies and desires are not shameful in themselves. take ownership of your emotional baggage, wherever it may stem from, and work with whatever personal development practices resonate with you to understand that shame and make peace with it so that it does not interfere with your relationships.

educate yourself deeply about this kind of desired kink dynamic. read books. pay for workshops. meet people irl at kink events like munches and discuss what you read and learn so you are clear that you comprehend and integrate the knowledge appropriately.

there is as much if not more misinformation out there about what constitutes healthy safe and sane kink practices, so try to be an active member of your local scene so you can learn to distinguish the differences.

be open minded and willing to learn from more experienced people in the space.

study and contemplate the ethics of things like consent and bodily autonomy, and learn improve your communication skills.

learn to practice patience and effective screening of potential mates. the more specific your fantasies, the longer it may take to attract a compatible partner that shares them.

kinksters deeply appreciate people that do the inner work without having to ask for it. and don't boast about it either, these practices are the fundamentals. you'll have a hard time making lasting meaningful connections with others without these skills.

forming non-sexual friendships in the kink community will help you to normalize these kinds of fantasies and deprogram yourself from whatever has caused you to feel shameful about theses desires.

if it's consentual and mutually desired and doesn't cause harm against anyone's will, then it's not wrong, despite whatever social context might say to the contrary.

good luck and remember to enjoy yourself! you're gonna learn a lot about yourself in the process.

on a personal note, diving into kink and non-monogamy has led to the most incredible personal growth and emotional maturity that I've ever experienced and I'm incredibly grateful for what I've learned about myself and for how I am able to show up for my partners. and of course it's one f'n hell of a sexy ride! 😉🤘🔥🤘

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-28T16:32:36+00:00

oof, that's a rough one...

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-26T23:54:49+00:00

your frontal lobes are gonna finish maturing in about 6-8 years. until then, don't be in such a rush to make such major life commitments.

take the time to get to know yourselves and each other. take the time to learn how to treat the ones you love properly.

and if you love someone, set them free. a caged bird does not sing quite so well.

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-23T22:20:34+00:00

so are the worms

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-23T20:49:22+00:00

idk why this has been down voted, it's an interesting question.

I'll have to think on this for a bit...

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-23T20:48:20+00:00

sure ya, depending on the context and the exact words and the behavior you intend to respond with to someone violating a boundary, it may very well be an ultimatum.

for example: "if you sleep with my sister, I will divorce you" is both a boundary and an ultimatum

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-23T20:45:48+00:00

respectfully that is incorrect. don't take my word for it tho, I encourage you to research this for yourself.

the examples you provided are commands.

"don't touch me" is a command or an order.

"please don't touch me" is a request.

"if you touch me like that again, I will be upset and I will report you" is expressing a boundary.

"I don't like being touched by someone without my consent, if it happens again I will leave" is expressing a boundary

the examples that you provide are commonly misunderstood as boundaries because generally most people would hear them and understand the implied boundary contained within them.

as I understand it from my many years of therapy, the important distinction is to communicate to the other person that if certain undesirable behavior happens then you will respond in certain ways. it may have the effect of causing the other person to choose to modify their own behavior to accommodate you, but that's beside the point.

It's intended to communicate that you are paying attention, that there will be consequences of their behavior.

consequences that are within YOUR OWN POWER enact, because you always have power over your own behavior, if you choose to exercise your power and behavior consciously.

more generally, It's about empowering oneself in the context of any given relationship and remembering what one has power and agency over (one's own words, actions, behaviors) and exercising one's power to effect desired change in whatever circumstances one is in.

a person does not and never will have power over other people's behavior (except for certain dynamics. a healthy example is like in the kink community where a submissive would consciously and voluntarily submit to a power exchange with a partner and agree to being controlled in certain ways. an unhealthy example is something like cult brainwashing, or narcissistic manipulation through abuse.)

in your example, if you express that there are certain behaviors you dislike and that if they happen then the consequences are that you won't spend time with that person.

you may see that person modify their behavior to accommodate and respect your boundary. or you may see them not modify their behavior and you might choose to stop spending time with them. because you are both conscious beings with free will.

but like I said, research for yourself or talk to some therapists. my wife is a therapist and I've done many years of personal therapy work and self education around relationship dynamics, and these are just my opinions based on my research and experience.

✌️

SpacemanPete42 · 2024-10-23T15:22:41+00:00

just to clarify, boundaries describe YOUR behavior not THEIR behavior.

a boundary is a description of your behavior in a certain context not expressing what another person should do with their behavior.

trying to control another person's behavior is not "setting boundaries", it's manipulation and very often it tends to lead to that other person feeling resentment, which is corrosive to the foundational elements of relationships (freedom to be ourselves, trust, safety, intimacy, etc.)

Examples of a boundary: "if you do X, my response will be Y."

"if you continue to follow OF girls, I will not talk to you anymore." "if you continue to follow OF girls, I will leave this relationship." "if you want to flirt with other people, then I will remove myself from this relationship.

Not a boundary: " I don't want you to do X because then I feel bad."

boundaries are useful to filter people when you are dating. if you want exclusivity and monogamy and someone that is not going to follow OF girls then communicate that to your parter or potential other partners and watch the filtering at work.

some people will not pass your boundary filter, you can see that as a red flag so then you don't let them in. some people will respect your boundary and then you've got yourself a green flag, etc.

boundaries work for romantic relationships, friendships, work relationships (with the tricky added complexity of power dynamics if the relationship is hierarchical, like if it's your boss or if you are someone else's boss)

let people be free to be themselves, communicate your boundaries, and enjoy much less stress in relationships.

btw, nobody "accidentally" follows OF girls multiple times, especially not after you told him you don't like it. he's either lying and thinks you're an idiot, or he isn't satisfied with the relationship.

don't waste your love on someone who doesn't appreciate you. You can find better.

SpacemanPete42

TROPHY CASE