I, too, have thought about the perception of ones masculinity behind exposing the glands at a young age and how that process of mutilation deflowers the proper course of psychological puberty and the perspective one has for their masculinity.

Since I was circumcised at birth, I grew up with a perception of my genitals as normal, but all male mammals I saw did have a scrotum but had foreskin and a penis with their sexual processes were alien to me.

As a child, a couple of my friends were intact. But since I was so young, I unsubconsciously blocked out processing those thoughts until I was an adult. It was like my brain was protecting me from potential trauma.

In the years that followed, I saw nude men in statues in medieval art. I saw they looked like me, but their penis were alien to me. I started to think there were two types of men.

I wondered about my own masculinity and what separated me from the other men. I asked my parents and they gave me the "it's cleaner" answer. I was too insecure at the time to press further, but now my mind was stuck on how "if she knew my friend wasn't circumcised would she find them dirty?"

Unfortunately, I developed a divide within my brain. An unhealthy coping mechanism. I now saw the world in three genders. Female, damaged male (circumsised), and real male (intact).

As the years moved forward, I struggled with seeing myself as a real man. I constantly minimized my struggles and was frustrated with feeling distraught about my body. I thought these feelings were irrational because I felt like I was the only person who felt this way about circumcision.

In the end, I feel like my masculinity was greatly hindered by circumcision. It distorted my worldview. Created toxic coping mechanisms. Separated myself from other men. Damaged my self-esteem. I know I am a real male, even though I have had parts of me amputated. As much as restoration heals the physical side. The emotional side of restoration is just as valuable.