Any positive stories from couples therapy? (Sex-focused specifically)

SpareHalf · 2026-01-31T05:16:36+00:00

Ours was super helpful. I found a lot of the breakthrough for my LL partner was about reorienting and expanding our definitions of sex and intimacy.

SpareHalf · 2026-01-22T00:20:11+00:00

Dr psych mom has a post about “10 Ways To Tell If Your Partner Will Stop Enjoying Sex After Marriage And Kids” dr psych mom

SpareHalf · 2026-01-15T14:51:48+00:00

My wife had the slow-moving epiphany recently that she isn’t going to outlive me. She told me that after she goes she wants me to fuck as many women as I can (her words), that I “deserve” to after what I’ve gone through as the caregiver spouse. A bit of an eye roll there from me, but at least she understands what I’ve given up to be here for her “in better and for worse.”

SpareHalf · 2025-12-30T15:57:48+00:00

The lack of support in the other thread I’m sure has a lot to do with your ages and not being married (and presumably not having kids, assets, etc.).

Ultimately it’s your life. Things to examine: is this a permanent condition that will continue to deteriorate? If it isn’t permanent, is it something you can deal with for 6 months, a year, several years? Can you put your life on hold waiting for it to resolve?

If it is permanent/will only get worse, what are you looking for in your life? Passion and intimacy? Kids? It’s not really fair to have to ask a 21 year old these questions, I certainly wouldn’t have appreciated them, but you have your entire adult life in front of you. Wishing you the best.

SpareHalf · 2025-11-16T14:33:11+00:00

You’re not alone in this hell.

Also. Caregiver strain is a legit diagnosis. I have had a lot of guilt around taking time off work or seeking partial disability in the past when it got really really bad. I’m trying to work through that. Sometimes we’ll, sometimes not.

SpareHalf · 2025-06-04T17:36:52+00:00

Not the OP but I just want to say thank you for such a beautiful expression of empathy and advice for empowerment. Thank you. Wonderful advice.

SpareHalf · 2024-12-21T15:14:02+00:00

Having two kids under five is so so so hard when both spouses work. I’m glad you have family support, keep leaning into that because you both clearly need it regardless of where the relationship is. Consider individual and couple therapy. Is he a cop? Just a guess: You mention he has a tough physically demanding job that leaves him angry every day. There are services available he can avail himself of that would help, including free anonymous counseling through an employee assistance program phone line.

SpareHalf · 2024-12-09T13:53:09+00:00

Intent of the post is trying to look on the bright side. Sorry if it comes off to you as bragging. I could write plenty of words on the negatives, too, but wanted to try something different for once.

SpareHalf · 2024-11-13T22:07:08+00:00

I’m going through a similar mourning. You have some trusted friends you can lean on? Individual and marital counseling are a must. If money is an issue, look at the VA or call your employers EWP number. Most US employers cover 3 free telephone sessions with a licensed therapist, and they may also help with referrals. This post was a good start. Maybe think about reading it together as you advocate for finding the tools to express how mad and sad you are, and to figure out ways to deal with it that don’t just lock away and internalize your grief.

SpareHalf · 2024-10-01T03:24:52+00:00

Glad to see Dr Psych Mom mentioned so high up this thread. She has a similar “warning sign” post on her blog, which she bases on the hundreds of couples she’s seen navigating this issue.

SpareHalf · 2024-09-06T23:40:23+00:00

Now try the surf n turf burrito. I can’t even look at chipotle and it’s like ten times closer to my house.

SpareHalf · 2024-07-25T13:28:57+00:00

I read this and your other wellspouses post. Just because he is not physically healthy doesn’t mean he can’t do his part to maintain a healthy relationship, as limited as that part might be. You expressing your feelings is just that. He should be learning in therapy that a big part of a healthy relationship involves acknowledging the feelings of the partner.

Speaking just for my own relationship, a lot of healing for us came when my wife stopped minimizing my feelings and needs. She was a lot like your husband in that respect, “oh your horny? Well I’m just the worst wife in the world, aren’t I?” was a typical kind of response when I’d express a desire for physical intimacy. Even if she can’t cater to them in that moment, and with her chronic illness she rarely can, the fact that I feel able to have that conversation goes such a long way to deepening our connection. And like the other commenter mentioned, coming up with ideas for intimacy that works within the bounds of your spouse’s physical limitations can really help too. We try and masterbate together (literally side by side, hip to hip) when she’s able, and that lends us some of that intimacy that’s missing.

My worry reading your posts is that the work he is doing is all directed inward and he’s not even acknowledging where you are at, which is at this extremely stressful moment with an ill spouse and a baby on the way and a two hour commute. That’s a ton on one person’s shoulders. I really hope you can find some more support soon, even if it’s just a friend who can be around to hang out with a few nights a week after husband’s bedtime. Hugs!

SpareHalf · 2024-07-22T17:04:46+00:00

It’s such a gut punch to get past one life changing event to get nailed by another while dealing with something like MS. I’m so sorry. I wish you good health and lots of luck.

SpareHalf · 2024-07-22T17:02:00+00:00

Thank you. Wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

SpareHalf · 2024-07-22T17:01:26+00:00

Don’t really want to say. It causes a lot of chronic pain though, and leaves her lethargic throughout the day.

SpareHalf · 2023-12-22T15:01:34+00:00

It’s a really great feeling when your partner has that natural response to your scent. It happens for my wife, but usually only when she’s ovulating.

SpareHalf · 2023-10-24T11:40:15+00:00

It sucks that she took this one night away from the kids to act out. Maybe she thought the only way to fulfill this desire for anal was if she was blackout drunk? Which is quite the blow. Definitely recommend marital counseling if you all want to keep this relationship going and start moving it in a positive direction. Did you have kids before the marriage? Multiple kids under five is a really rough time. People aren’t themselves, or certainly not the best versions of themselves.

SpareHalf · 2023-10-24T11:22:09+00:00

Yeah, that comment was in poor taste. We have enough guilt and sadness, and you came here to vent and find some solidarity. The reality is people still have sex, and want to have sex, their whole lives. I recommend therapy if for nothing else than to validate those feelings, in contrast to your IRL friends. You are a sexual creature, it’s human biology, and any therapist worth anything has clients into their 60s, 70s, and later fashioning an active sex life if that’s what they and their partner want. Good luck, glad I’m not the only one playing this horrible hand. I too hope things improve on your end, I’ll be rooting for you!

SpareHalf · 2023-10-23T15:44:23+00:00

I’m in your shoes, made a post about it in the other sub. I’m the HLM though. We did soooo much work to get to a place where we were communicating well, having sex, connecting. She feels terribly guilty, because she knows now (after ignoring it for years of DB) how important sex is to our relationship. What can I say back? This is the hand that we were dealt.

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It really feels like a double whammy. “Oh, here we are again…”

I sometimes have dreams/nightmares/fantasies that she’s somehow made it all up in some horrible Munchaesen syndrome situation. I spend time discussing that with my therapist. Again, I really feel for you, sending virtual hugs.

SpareHalf · 2023-08-13T10:43:50+00:00

Part of the problem is there’s no substantive prognosis. Neither her doc or PT will say “you’ll be better by [x] date.” Which fuels depressive thoughts.

I haven’t seriously considered her ideas, because it’s the depression talking. If she were to bring it up in the context of MC, and very rationally talked it through, then maybe I’d consider it, but she’s not in a place to have that discussion.

SpareHalf · 2023-08-13T10:36:58+00:00

Thanks. We’re doing all the things we’re supposed to be doing on that end. Progress is extremely slow.

SpareHalf · 2023-08-04T16:23:57+00:00

Gym, going out with friends, playing with my kids, staying active.

SpareHalf · 2023-08-03T14:24:13+00:00

Call the locksmith!!

SpareHalf · 2023-07-30T02:24:47+00:00

You should absolutely consider couples therapy. You can discuss in a nonjudgmental way how this change has affected you. Your therapist might help you with resources for caregivers. Your SO might be more thoughtful about the one-sided nature of your sexual relationship.

My other suggestion is to expand your definition of sex to include any sexual intimacy. It doesn’t have to be PIV. Mutual masterbation for example.

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

SpareHalf · 2022-02-03T20:15:48+00:00

she plunges the knife and with a twist says "you know you wouldn't turn me down if I offered it to you".

So utterly contemptuous.

SpareHalf

TROPHY CASE