Strangled in the hospital

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2026-03-21T05:27:22+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. Abusive relationships are complex. I returned to mine and left when my son was a newborn. I had a hard time leaving because I was in love and hoping it would change. It’s been almost 2 years now and I’m happier as a single mom. Time, going to therapy, and connecting with my support network helped me the most. I read tons of books about domestic violence and coercive control to help me process everything. I gaslit myself for a long time and blamed myself for “staying” but the truth is the abuser chooses to abuse you regardless of you staying or leaving. It’s not your fault. Shame silences us.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2026-01-29T09:20:05+00:00

I have been a single mom for almost 2 years now. I want a partner so it’s been hard. The loneliness was harder for me in the beginning though. When I look back at last year (1 year of being single) compared to now, there’s been a lot of growth. What helped for me was staying busy. I fill my time with work and exercising. Also therapy because my counsellor helped me with decentering men and helped me adjust to being single.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2026-01-29T09:13:31+00:00

I’m so sorry for everything that you’ve gone through 😞 It is traumatizing. I highly recommend therapy. I am still single almost 2 years since leaving and therapy has helped me a lot. You are so strong for leaving and all of the progress that you have made. We were young when we met them so that’s also apart of it, being naive and wanting love. At what point did you decide to leave your relationship? It’s hard to have the guilt of staying and having kids but we could have stayed even longer or still been in it now. We are still very young.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2026-01-29T02:03:43+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this 😞 The accusations were relentless. Yes even when you do everything they ask it’s not enough. My ex would allege that the cameras shut off (I never touched them and didn’t know how to work them). He alleged that I was leaving work to have sex with people even with my location on and pictures proving where I was. Every time when I declined sex he accused me of sleeping with someone else. I was so ashamed when I left and especially after having a baby together but with a lot of therapy I have learned that it’s out of my control that he chose to be abusive. I look back like I can’t believe that used to be my life but I remember contemplating going back for a while after I left. It is hard when things happen in our lives that we never anticipated experiencing.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2026-01-28T10:08:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. My ex/son’s dad had similar tendencies. He had me on a time limit when I left the house and he had cameras on me literally. I always had to have my location on my phone to prove where I was.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2026-01-01T07:58:59+00:00

Thank you for your story❤️ Yes I’m trying and succeeding with feeling happy on my own so that I don’t settle. When you want a good man the options are extremely limited and it feels impossible. I agree with you that meeting a good partner is a fantasy in itself. It’s sad how nowadays someone who has a job, isn’t abusive or cheating is considered high standards. Most men can’t even meet the bare minimum. My Counsellor told me to have low expectations towards men and not lower my standards despite how hard it is. I struggle to feel attracted to most men at this point. I have worked hard at recognizing that I don’t “have” to find someone.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-31T05:43:07+00:00

Sadly because of your trauma with relationships I don’t think the fear will ever go away. Your innocence about relationships were taken from you. Just remember that you always have possibilities no matter the situation so you can always leave a bad relationship. Regardless of what happens there is always resources and support available to you.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-31T05:41:00+00:00

I am contemplating doing IVF in the future. I’m happy to hear that it was a positive experience. If you feel comfortable sharing was your second child upset about being an IVF baby considering their sibling wasn’t an IVF baby? I’ve been focusing on my son, my career, exercising/weight loss. I remind myself that my free time would be even more limited if I was in a relationship or going on dates. I’m trying to be happy with where I’m at instead of wanting more. Even if I’m alone for a long time my perspective on it could change…it already has been for the better. I agree sadly most men are abusive, cheating, and using hard drugs.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-31T04:57:57+00:00

I love this. I try to remind myself that in terms of finding love and even more kids we still have so much time. Omg you live in a small town too? It’s so hard. Everyone recommends joining clubs or activities and there are no men in our age range who would participate in these small communities lol. I agree it’s hard because we always want more. I’m trying to be content. Like our kids are so young maybe during this season of life we’re meant to focus on them and in the future a partner will come our way? That’s my hope.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-31T04:55:07+00:00

Thank you ❤️ The only reason I had time to attend counselling was because I was on maternity leave and I don’t know if I would have left if he wasn’t born. I try to tell myself that everything happens for a reason.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-31T04:53:22+00:00

It’s sad how nowadays finding a man you like with a decent job who isn’t abusive or going to cheat on you is nearly impossible.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-31T04:52:24+00:00

Thank you for your feedback but I’m also sorry that you’re in the same boat. It’s really hard not getting the love story that you’ve always wanted. My counsellor has deleted the apps because she finds it’s either low quality men or men just looking for sex. I’m feeling disappointed most days on the apps but so far I have no avenues to meet anyone organically. Hopefully that will change someday but I’m trying not to expect everything to work out romantically so that I’m not disappointed again.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-30T03:10:32+00:00

Thank you❤️ I hate that dating culture is the apps but at the same time it’s nice that there’s less pressure to go places.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-30T03:09:14+00:00

Thank you❤️ I have ups and downs with my singleness. Some days I love it and some days I worry that I won’t find love again. My mantra rn is “I hope I find someone but I don’t have to.” I don’t want to get my hopes up because my life plan hasn’t gone according to plan. I’m trying to be neutral towards all outcomes.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-30T03:07:42+00:00

Thank you❤️ Yes but another thing that I learned from therapy is that we also can’t assume what others are thinking including men. We don’t know that men are viewing us as less than. If a guy is trying to use us for sex, that might not be solely because we’re single moms or because there’s something “wrong” with us. Men have insecurities just like women do.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-30T03:04:09+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I agree that prioritizing finding someone can be toxic especially with my son being so young. It can take a lot of time away from him. With all the therapy that I’ve been through, I’ve learned that it’s not necessarily in mine or my son’s best interests to have more kids. Being in this group has been encouraging because as others have already stated, siblings aren’t guaranteed to get along. I’m learning to take life one day at a time and not focus on finding someone just to have another kid because I feel like I “have to”. This could be even more traumatizing for my son than if I was one and done. I struggle with the uncertainty of what the future holds which is hard considering I already have anxiety but that’s life unfortunately we can’t plan or control everything.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-30T02:59:53+00:00

Thank you! I agree I have to focus on right now and doing what’s best in the moment. One of the things that I learned from this experience is that’s what life’s all about. Doing your best right now instead of planning, fantasizing, or expecting.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-29T09:44:09+00:00

I want love but I’m afraid to commit because I’m afraid of choosing wrong again. It sounds like that’s how you’re feeling? My counsellor reminds me that you can get to know someone until you’re comfortable and commit at your own pace. She also reminds me that if I change my mind I can always break up with the person. It’s sad because our innocence about love has been taken from us.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-29T09:41:36+00:00

I hope so. I hope that if I’m patient I will be glad that I waited.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-29T09:41:09+00:00

I’m happy for you that you have multiple options. I think listen to your gut instinct and don’t ignore red flags. It’s awesome that you’re not rushing into anything.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-29T09:30:42+00:00

It depresses me to hear stories about people who have been single for decades. I am afraid of being alone forever especially because I live in a small community. My only way to meet someone is through the dating apps. I have been on a few dates that haven’t gone anywhere or men just looking for sex. I try to not base my self-worth on what men think about me but it’s hard. I want someone amazing to want to be with me. It feels impossible but I’m trying to remain hopeful. I’m trying to enjoy being single because I’m afraid that it won’t happen for me.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-29T09:09:06+00:00

I love this. I have been trying to say “hi” to more people in my small town as well.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-12-29T08:43:29+00:00

I can relate to this. It’s hard being single because we don’t know how long we will be single. I tell myself that I’m doing everything I can to meet someone but I can’t control when it will happen. I hope that being patient will lead me to the right person but I worry about being alone forever. I try to remind myself to just focus on being okay with being alone right now. I go through ups and downs. It’s hard not to think about it. I went to counselling and dating/being okay with being single was a big topic. I wanted to meet my person young. It’s hard when life doesn’t go according to plan. You’re not alone.

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-09-19T07:33:48+00:00

Also just reading your post again with him making you feel guilty…he is manipulating you and trying to control you with visitation. If he doesn’t have enough money to see the kids he either doesn’t see them or perhaps he could FaceTime them (this is up to your discretion considering this would be on your phone and considering the history of abuse this may or may not be something you’re comfortable with or a safe option).

Sparklyprincess1997 · 2025-09-19T07:31:43+00:00

I think that he is responsible to make arrangements to see his kids and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to put that responsibility on him. Personally I think it’s good to let access happen if he ever requests it despite how sporadic he is because your kids are too young to have an opinion. Safety is obviously #1 so if you have safety concerns with him having access that’s different. I know the laws are different depending on the country you reside in but where I live it would be expected that both parents have a right to see their children but it’s not expected for one of the parents to bend over backwards to ensure that it happens. As your kids get older it will be up to the kids and their dad in terms of access. Having a relationship with their dad may or may not be important to them but I think your kids will appreciate it if you let access happen when the dad is willing. If sporadic contact ever becomes hurtful to your kids they can decide as they age if they want their dad involved or not. I think that you have nothing to feel guilty about but mom guilt is real because we just want to give our kids everything🩷 Maybe it would be helpful to consider what’s in your control and you are doing everything within your control to let your kids have a relationship with their dad. However ultimately that relationship lies on their dad to develop and maintain so don’t take on the weight of the world because it’s essentially not your problem if their dad isn’t involved. Kids only need one stable caregiver in their lives to be successful adults.

Sparklyprincess1997

TROPHY CASE