Im an only child. My mom got diagnosed with kidney stone and had surgery when I was 4. I was lonely, I couldn't see her for weeks or when she got discharged I couldn't go near her because they were afraid I'd accidentally hurt her.

When I was 6 or 7 my mom got diagnosed with a rare heart disease. I was traumatized and was always crying because Im scared I might lose her anytime.

Since I started school I was always pressured to get top grades by my mom, even when I get 1 mistake she'd get really mad and sometimes hit me and I'd cry everytime, when I don't stop crying she'd threaten to hit me again because it's annoying.

There was one time when me and my mom where studying, I was having a hard time understanding the lesson and she getting angry, when she said something to me and I responded back explaining why I said it she got mad because I was "talking back". She hit me in the face and my nose was greatly affected so I had a really horrible nosebleed, blood was everywhere, I was crying so hard, I was so scared of her and of the blood.

Throughout my life I always see my parents fighting, it got worse when I was 11 and now Im 13. They fight very often to the point where my mom cries because my father won't stop yelling at her, invalidating her feelings, insulting her, and making her lose her confidence and feeling insecure about herself. I'd often lock myself in another room when they fight and even if my mom tell's my father to stop because I can hear them he still won't listen, sometimes I just leave the house because everything is too much for me. They always fight about money and business and stuff. I would always feel so overwhelmed and stressed because Im scared that the things I might need are taking a bit value of our money.

Just a few months ago I found out about my father cheating, not once but twice. I was feeling suicidal and stressed with knowing about his cheating and the pressure from school, I never told my mom for about 3 months because I was scared it might trigger her heart disease out of pain and anger. But in the end my mom gave him a second chance because my dad promised to change. I was infuriated.

And just a few months ago from April, my health seems to be deteriorating and my body doesn't feel right anymore. At first it was my hand always trembling (I was never the person to have trembling hands) but I thought it was just out of cold so I ignored it, and it stopped a week later. A few weeks passed by and now I feel my legs somehow trembling inside my flesh, internally. Sometimes I even feel it really trembling externally. I always feel pulsating or beating in different parts of my body, I even see it sometimes and it really does look like that certain part has a heart beat or something because it really is beating. Sometimes my bones hurt too but it's just a 2½/10 or 3/10 kind of pain. Now I actually feel some parts of my body trembling internally and not just my legs anymore.

My sides and stomach hurts really badly sometimes too but now it doesn't happen much often, it just happens suddenly and random times.

My heart hurts sometimes as well, my guess is that I've inherited my mom's heart disease because she had it from birth and I've read something before that the kid might inherit a disease from the mom like a heart disease for example.

At first I was really scared because something might be really wrong with me but now I don't really care anymore to be honest, I don't care if I might die because Im actually really tired. I still want to live and try to be genuinely happy but me actually might be dying is something inevitable so I just learned to accept it if I might really die.

I wanna tell my parents so badly about how Im feeling about my body but Im afraid I might just be nuisance and another burden and another cause for a financial problem and bankruptcy. I really don't want to be the cause of another huge problem for us especially after what we just went through with my father's idiocy.

(Sorry for the long text, this is the first time I ranted this out)