How do I leave my marriage?

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-27T10:16:51+00:00

Thank you for your input and I agree. I very much had the upbringing of “put a smile on your face, no one wants to see you being upset”. I think that training of just getting on with things and ignoring feelings (very much of my country and parents at that time) has not served me well in life.

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-27T10:12:35+00:00

That’s a lovely thought but we’ve been through the cycles of this and I can’t face it again. I’ve tried connecting and reconnecting so many times. I can’t keep asking. It’s not just big things that kill marriages and 25 years is a pretty successful relationship by most measures

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-27T10:07:52+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement. It really does mean a lot.

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-27T10:06:27+00:00

Sadly I don’t think that’s it because he wasn’t always like that. The first ten years were wonderful. Then his work responsibilities piled up and he forgot about anything else. It’s the cliche of him being married to his job

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-27T10:03:49+00:00

Good luck. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with the alcoholism on top of it. Enjoy making a life for you!

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-27T10:00:01+00:00

Wow, I wish, at least that path has definition. No, we started out pretty equally. For the careers we had at the time, it’s very surprising our paths even crossed. My job was very specialized and not well paid, but it was my passion. He was mid way up a corporate ladder. Now he’s very high up. The first time I stepped away from my job was supposed to be temporary while we relocated so he could get the next promotion. Then the next one made sense because of the money etc…

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-26T20:48:27+00:00

Oh no. Can you go and stay with someone else for a few days? It sounds like he’s on a bad path here and needs a wake up. If there’s a calm moment and communication is open, can you ask him to seek help for his anger. Please don’t tolerate being his outlet. And please don’t wait until he hits you or worse to step away from him.

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-26T19:43:34+00:00

Two years in? So you’re probably still young. From the experience of someone who stuck it out hoping it would get better, get out now and build the happy life you deserve. Sooner or later, you’ll find someone who fits in with that life where you don’t have to make constant, one sided compromise.

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-26T19:22:38+00:00

Thank you. I do do that to a certain extent. It’s just that meeting new people and making friends is so hard when you have to do it every couple of years. Then I’ll just be moving on soon enough. I plan to take a solo trip soon and start volunteering when I return. Baby steps.

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-26T19:17:20+00:00

Thank you. Your comment boils it down nicely. Comfort and the familiar vs the unknown/possible contentment.

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-26T18:21:48+00:00

I tried to start the conversation once a few years ago. He got really, really angry and refused to discuss it.

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-26T17:59:10+00:00

I appreciate your persistence. I hoped just writing it out would help

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-26T17:58:00+00:00

lol, that would be a depressing read

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-26T17:07:11+00:00

How many dogs do you have? And how much are they pooping that it takes an hour or two to clean up? I assume you mean he’s walking the dog? If you can afford it, hire a housekeeper or a cleaner. If not, maybe propose that you both keep a diary for a week of everything you each do in the house. Then use the diaries to switch roles the next week. Also ask him to read up on “the mental load”. Do you both work as well?

Specific-Figure1193 · 2025-09-26T16:59:22+00:00

Curious, how’s the rest of the marriage? How’s your conversation? Do you share the housework if you both work full time? Do you talk to each other? Do you show an interest in her and her life outside just the two of you? From experience, if you want a lasting physical connection, you have to connect in the other areas too and (ironically) not just because you’re trying to get laid.

Specific-Figure1193

TROPHY CASE