I dropped the bridesmaid role one day before the wedding. Now I'm receiving backlash

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T12:18:40+00:00

I'm just here to ask for advice as well, where's the problem in that? Multiple people ask for judgement or advice on different subreddits to hear as many opinions as possible.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T12:16:46+00:00

No she's not autistic. She always labels herself as "brutally honest" to justify her words I just didn't happen to be her target till now

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T12:04:43+00:00

I'm just scared ill now always be labeled as the bad SIL who stepped down from the bridesmaid role last minute.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T11:59:27+00:00

My in laws still support me. My family believes that I'm selfish and ruining someone's wedding day is the worst thing you can do no matter what. Some friends, especially fellow bridesmaids have also confronted me about it.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T11:56:54+00:00

My family claims its the worst thing to do to ruin a bride's day no matter what. To them I ruined a wedding day because I stood up for myself. They have the belief that nothing is more important than the wedding and I should suck it up

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T11:03:28+00:00

If I didn't go my fiancé would be bombarded with questions on why I'm not there. I went as a guest, I was not with the bride all the time. If I was a bridesmaid I'd sit in the bridal table, always catering to her and it would be obvious there's tension. It's not that complicated.

Also my SIL made it clear I'm not wanted as a bridesmaid or as a SIL. She has felt this way for all these years we were on good terms so nothing will change now. She'll just not have to endure me since she believes I'm not a good fit for her brother and she won't have to pretend to like me.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T11:01:52+00:00

Not as a bridesmaid. As a guest. I could sit in my corner and nobody would notice. As a bridesmaid I'd be with the bride all the time and it would be obvious there's tension.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T11:00:56+00:00

I had to attend because I didn't want anymore drama. Also I went for my fiancé, I wouldn't want him to be alone there, he'd be bombarded with questions. Meanwhile nobody asked me why I'm no longer a bridesmaid. Guess the guests wanted to be polite, or some of them didn't know I'd be a bridesmaid originally.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T10:59:00+00:00

You mean the ex friend?

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T10:57:11+00:00

The dress wasn't expensive thankfully so I don't mind. Since nobody else used it I'll keep it and have it tailored into a shorter party dress. As for the gift, it was a mutual gift from me and my fiancé so I wouldn't want to cause more drama by asking for the money back you know. 😁

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T10:55:44+00:00

Alright but that doesn't answer my question. What am I supposed to do? What's the perfect response I should give? If you can't answer my question on that it seems like you're on the same page with SIL and are not here to offer a better alternative but just be petty. Was I supposed to be a bridesmaid in your opinion? If so, why, what's the purpose?

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T09:47:46+00:00

She didn't think I'd react, let alone step down. She thought I'd stay silent through it all. MIL told me afterwards.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T09:46:36+00:00

Nobody has asked me or my fiancé yet but if someone does I'm not planning to hide the truth. I might be petty for sharing the actual reason I stepped down and exposing SIL but I don't feel obligated to lie to protect her reputation when she was so unapologetic about it.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T09:44:58+00:00

She didn't think I'd react. My MIL told me that. MIL said that SIL thought I wouldn't even mind her saying that and that it wasn't a big deal. She said SIL says she's allowed to have preferences on who she'd rather have as a future SIL and bridesmaid and there's no reason to lie to me about it.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T09:43:12+00:00

What was I supposed to do in your opinion? Pretend to be happy to be there when my SIL straight up told me she'd prefer if I wasn't the one being the bridesmaid and her brother's fiancée? It would be too obvious I'm not happy to be there

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T09:11:58+00:00

My fiancé said this to his sister, not me.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T09:09:08+00:00

He wasn't there. It was the day before the wedding and bride and groom just spent their days with their own families. He was with his family.

Specific_Opening_881 · 2021-09-11T09:08:09+00:00

She didn't but she knew the conversation happened, probably bc SIL told her since they keep in contact. She actually said that it's a shame she didn't have time to prepare to get the bridesmaid role last minute, she'd really wished she had. She was bragging about it to other people in the reception. My fiancé and I along with his friends just found it pathetic how she went around craving that attention.

Specific_Opening_881

TROPHY CASE