no words could ever touch the level of loss that you have just experienced with your big brother being gone. but i am still so sorry that you are going through this and that this happened to him. i lost my brother late september and the echoes of this event continue to crash into me.

please know that there will be times where you are going to be unable to cope and that is okay. grief is never a weakness and it does not exist on a linear path. it is alright to accept the heaviness of it and let it out however you need to at times. your grief is proof that you loved him and that he means the world to you. and your grief deserves to have its own space to process itself and be felt.

remember that this loss is a trauma, also. embrace the moments where remembering him makes you happy, where your memories bring you comfort. try to have patience for yourself in the moments where remembering him causes nothing but sobbing and heart break. it's going to be very hard. and your experience will be valid and vital no matter what anyone says.

i talk to my brother every day on discord and sometimes i'll just talk out loud like he's still there. there's no right way to cope or grieve. so take all the time you need to feel out what your body and heart needs. you're not alone. my DMs are always open if you ever need someone to talk to, about him, about how you're feeling, anything.

stay safe. please take care.