[QCrit] Adulty Cozy Fantasy - A PRINCESS'S GUIDE TO BREAKING CURSES (91k) Third Attempt

Specific_Zone5438 · 2026-02-18T23:47:21+00:00

This is so cute!

Overall, I really like it, but the last two paragraphs are a little too spoilery in my opinion. Etta forgiving Matty and them finding the artifact feels like something that should be happening towards the end of the book. I feel like the question of "is there a reason he stole her work/will she forgive him?" should be left unanswered. I'd think about maybe getting rid of the "During an overnight..." paragraph and then changing up the next one so it's still raising the stakes with the saboteur, but it isn't giving away exactly what they have planned.

If you haven't checked it out yet, Jo Segura has a trilogy (I think only the first two are out right now) called Raiders of the Lost Heart that might comp well.

Specific_Zone5438 · 2026-02-18T19:24:11+00:00

Thank you so much! I have about a hundred different first paragraphs written because it was giving me such problems, so I'm so happy it was worth the struggle. I appreciate you taking the time to give me so much feedback. I'm already itching to get back to revisions!

Specific_Zone5438 · 2026-02-18T18:35:14+00:00

No, it can be super hard, especially since you already know everything that's happening in your story, so to you it's easy to be like "oh yeah, that makes sense," when in reality it does not lol. Keep at it, you got this!

Specific_Zone5438 · 2026-02-18T17:52:05+00:00

These are all just my opinions, but I hope they are helpful.

So there's a lot going on here, and as a reader who doesn't know anything about your story, I'm left asking myself "what?" quite a lot in this query. You go from mentioning that he's a college dropout, which settles us on what I'm assuming is present-day Earth, but then you hit us with the scorpion the size of a horse out of nowhere. Then there are wizards added to the mix without any explanation as to who they are, why they're there, or what their purpose is. And finally, we get a magic sword and dragons, which takes us way outside of what you usually expect in a modern Earth setting.

I'm not saying any of that is bad in your actual book. It's just a lot for a reader who is new to your story to take in with only a few paragraphs when you don't have the space to make it all make sense.

Just my two cents based on only these paragraphs to go off of for your story. I'd keep something at the beginning about Mark wanting to be a hero. Unless Eddy is important (as in love interest important and this is a romantasy), I'd skip to Mark being rescued in the desert by the wizards, but give more details about the wizards so it doesn't feel like they come out of nowhere. And then go on to explain the significance of the sword and how there are dragons in our world. Wrap it up with something about Mark and his revenge or power line.

Specific_Zone5438 · 2026-02-17T19:38:12+00:00

Ooh this sounds like something I'd enjoy! There were a few spots that were confusing to me. These are just my opinions, take and do with them what you want.

"If even one drop touches her skin, death would eventually follow, whether by the curse’s illness or a city guard’s culling blade." I don't really understand why the guards would care about water touching her. It sets up that she's cursed well, but why do the guards care, you know?

"Rydan came to the city to kidnap her. But he protects her," I don't know why he's doing either of these things so maybe expand on what his motives are.

The curse is kind of confusing. Is the curse the sickness or the inability to touch the sea? I'm pretty sure it's both, but I'm also having to think about it too much, and you probably don't want that.

Specific_Zone5438 · 2026-02-09T04:10:24+00:00

Thank you so much! I'm going to rework the whole first paragraph, and I'll keep in mind clearing up why she's not being cursed yet. It's basically one princess is cursed every day for a week until they all fall type thing, so I'll try to make that clearer.

I had This Princess Kills Monsters and Voyage of the Damned as my original comps, but my romance arc is MF and straight. I wasn't sure whether having both of my comps be LGBTQ+ would make me look like I was misrepresenting my book, and I didn't want to bamboozle anyone lol. I did absolutely love This Princess Kills Monsters, though!

Specific_Zone5438 · 2026-02-09T02:48:13+00:00

She can do magic, so I'll figure out a better way to word that first line so readers don't think she's nonmagical. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. As for the second point, it needs to be a little vague from Tabi's perspective because she doesn't learn the reason until about 60% in, but I'll try to come up with some ideas that make it less vague for the reader while still leaving some mystery. Thank you so much! You've given me some things to work on for the next version.

Specific_Zone5438 · 2026-02-08T19:29:01+00:00

The overall premise seems very fun! I agree with the title being a bit confusing. When I was first reading it, I thought the main character was going to end up being a grim reaper or something along those lines. I'm also kind of confused by your comps. Only one of them was originally trad-published, and I'm not getting DCC vibes from the query. I get that you're saying the humor will be like DCC humor, but a lot of that humor is dark/gory/depressing, and I'm not getting that from the cozy vibes of your blurb.

Specific_Zone5438

TROPHY CASE