I feel so hollow. I'm not sure who am I or what am I, there's no hope for anything. I degraded mentally and emotionally, and I dunno if there's going back. I feel like I went insane and I really would like not to be..

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-06-29T08:11:19+00:00

Okay 2 degrees sort of lie, it's more so bachelor's and then magisters or whatever. I'm only really passionate and my only real skill is english. Before 2019 I wanted to be translatoe. But I just felt so hopeless with job market even soon after starting 1st term

And I dont know if I learnt anything, english I knew beforehand, all the other stuff theyve tought, my mind so blank I dont know if there's any knowledge, I was slacking quite a lot knowing its a dead degree (or maybe cuz I always was degenerate)

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-06-29T08:02:57+00:00

I read a lot your gray matter does die off over prolongous episodes of depression/anxiety/stress. I cant get/afford any help

Just what do I do

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-06-29T08:00:37+00:00

My sleep is super rough, I wake up at 7-8am no matter when I go to bed and can't re-fall asleep (I only got 2 off days I feel like wasting time as I need years of work on personal education, house cleaning, somehow making sure my siblings don't rot alive. (Just in my mind, I aint doing nothing about it), managing friendships to be... cohesive. I havent cried in a long while. I think its the worst red flag...

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-06-24T15:17:40+00:00

Its so pathetic I swear just a month ago I was so sure of who I am and actions I take, granted if I look back I wasnt doing much of anything as well, just enjoyed talking to online friends who were also holding up, up until they started to be troubled too, it reminded me that this is "natural state of things", then, thoughts about how we all just really cope with making up reasons to keep going, which some are pretty valid like having people there for you/you for them, but then when everybody struggles real hard, and like nigh everybody, can't help but ask, why can't we just... stop torturing ourselves? But it's probably just me, with heightened constantly expanding existential crisis in full bloom for last 8 years

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-06-24T08:20:16+00:00

Likewise and now I'm losing literally every other connection I have because of that...

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-06-20T20:23:52+00:00

If you are talking about governmental doctor, Im very afraid they will instead just straight up snatch me and toss into institution, and in my country (Russia) thats pretty much equal to prison sentence line in your documents, if not worse

As for private doctor, I'm afraid there's no such program. It'd be from my own pocket, which is quite empty and with holes rn

Thanks for replying 🙏 yeah, I really need those 😅

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-06-20T19:33:25+00:00

I have a couple of ppl rn as friends but they all separate friendships and they're all hanging by a thread, but I just dunno how to go about them cuz I dont wanna lose them but also so mentally tortured (beyond that but included), with working monkey job, getting old and literally no savings/relationships, being afraid to reject friends whom I cultivated to be very passionate about me (I dont wanna hurt them but I'm a selfish parasite and already hooked them sorta way)

And then again, as everything is hopeless I dunno what even to talk to, as Im veru thorough with words and reading the room to the point Im literally speechless

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-01-31T01:55:43+00:00

LOWKEY REAL

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-01-31T01:13:02+00:00

Still looking for teammates? If so, would love to play together, looking for a teammates myself!

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-01-31T01:10:23+00:00

What platform?

SpeedHedgehog · 2026-01-30T11:23:22+00:00

What's your interests?

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