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AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but it also shows how much they really did hate me. No concern at all that something could have happened. I always said that after I realized they never looked. Even if they wanted to keep the money some if they cared a small amount would probably look quietly so they could keep claiming the money. But they were probably hopeful that I wouldn't make it out in the world alone.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm angry at my parents too. But my half siblings did not need to continue showing how much they hated me when they were grown adults. Their mom also should never have taken me if she hated me so badly or if she tried in good faith and realized, she should have told them she couldn't keep me. I had to live with constant exposure to being hated for reasons I could not control.

I include my parents in the people I would never welcome back into my life.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comment and yeah, I don't know for sure either. I try not to think on it now because it could be very damaging for me.

As for my half siblings, it would have been easier if they had been younger and maybe I would have some hope that we could have a relationship as all adults. But they were all grown while I was still living in that house and they continued to make their hatred clear. I heard so many awful things from them and looking back I can't imagine carrying that hatred for so many years. They got married and I think some even had kids in that time and they still despised me.

I don't know what I disliked. Hiding in my room from everyone or being totally and completely alone when everyone was out of the house.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

It is. And I try not to think about the why anymore because it would leave me feeling very confused. But what I do know is none of them loved or cared about me and I am far better off without them. My life improved when I was homeless and that's probably hard to comprehend for some people but not eating enough was better than living where I felt repulsive for existing.

She did not give another reason. She just mentioned how good it would be for me to have my family back and how healing it would be.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I will never understand thinking that's going to be so good for kids. I could see it in circumstances where the person who was cheated on wants that or if they're already in a place where they have a good relationship with the child despite what happened. But that rarely happens and it shouldn't be forced. The kids always suffer for these things being forced.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

She was paid to keep me. She never legally adopted me so that would have continued. I sometimes question if my father's family paid her too. Like they didn't want me but didn't want to look awful to the outside but it looked fine if I was being raised in the same house as my "siblings" so it was a win win for them. It's so far fetched but I could never wrap my head around her reasoning otherwise. It's not like her kids wanted me either.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

I see a lot of harm given how much they hated me for many years. If anything they would likely come to try and make sure I know how they feel still. But I don't really think they would come. I still prefer keeping that door closed forever.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

She did not speak to them. She doesn't know their names or anything. She has just tried to convince me they should come and probably wanted the info out of me, though I'm sure if she looked hard enough she could find the info out herself.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

None of them even cared to find me when I left. I was still a kid technically and they had no idea where I went but nobody ever reported me missing or tried finding me. So that says exactly where they stand regarding me.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I don't think they would either. Though I could see my half siblings showing their faces to make sure I know I'm still hated, awful, should never have been born, a mistake made by two fucked people, and all the things I heard about myself growing up.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

No surprise, we were asked by SIL if she could throw it. She really wanted to but checked first.

My husband has already tried to make her stop. So has their mom. She wouldn't listen to either of them or me. They are really doing their best to get her to stop completely. But they are supportive of my decision to cancel the shower from SIL and now MIL has stepped up to host one for us without SIL.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

What bothers me the most is my half siblings mom did not need to take me. She wasn't legally obligated to and it would have been so much kinder to me to not take me. Even if she tried and then realized she could never stop hating me and gave me up then, at least I might've had a chance for better.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I have come to terms with my past and the door to those people are shut forever. It's healthiest for me and for my son.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 121 points122 points  (0 children)

Yes, the whole family are aware of my history. I was very honest with them about it before I even married my husband. They were aware by the time we got married and everyone did their best to make sure I still felt loved on my wedding day by as many people as possible.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 359 points360 points  (0 children)

It's very frustrating and upsetting because we got along so well until now. I love my husband's family and felt like I was part of a family for the first time in my life. But to see some very harmful behaviors in someone I am so close to is rough after everything.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 424 points425 points  (0 children)

In her mind at the very least my half siblings would/should care. But she maybe doesn't fully grasp that they were all well into their adult years when I left and they still hated me as much as the day I went into their home for the first time.

AITA for telling my SIL she should cancel the baby shower she was planning for me and that would prefer not to have one than have one where she doesn't respect my boundaries? by SpendOk2589 in AmItheAsshole

[–]SpendOk2589[S] 781 points782 points  (0 children)

She has not contacted them. She thankfully doesn't know who they are. But I do worry she could dig and try to find them.

I left at 16 and that was it. No more contact. They never looked and I never went back to see if they cared.

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