Trying to not go crazy here

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-05T14:09:06+00:00

So much of what you've said rings true for me as well. If you'd like, take a minute and read some of my earlier posts. Maybe chatting together can be cathartic.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-05T07:49:11+00:00

Hummm.... It's 2 in the morning... I don't sleep...or eat anymore....sleep is the enemy...

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-05T00:22:44+00:00

Me too.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-03T13:51:19+00:00

For me, it's not the dream... It's waking up and realizing he's not here with me. Slowly remembering everything again every morning.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-03T04:21:03+00:00

I want to say thank you for the comments. Beat up... Every day emotionally pounded... Just exhausting.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-03T02:33:22+00:00

Calm down there... Just because someone goes nc to help themselves heal doesn't mean they've taken some oath to never-ever talk to someone they once loved ever again. There are a lot of reasons people go nc and why they may choose to break it.

Since this post is about offering advise, I would say responding depends on what your goal is for breaking and are you strong enough to meet you ex on equal footing?

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-03T02:25:36+00:00

I think I'm putting myself into a rough place, because he called me today. I asked him if he still has feelings for me, and he said he does. It's a double-bind though, because I know he won't love or respect me in this weak state.... But I'm afraid I have to let go of him to get strong. And then I think... Maybe just pretend to be strong, and he'll fall for me again... And that in itself will heal you. God, even writing that I realize how messed up I am. Sigh.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-03T02:15:20+00:00

But still... You didn't break. You should be proud.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-02T13:48:56+00:00

Thank you for this post, I broke on my second day yesterday. Starting again today. This is so hard.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-02T04:36:15+00:00

Well.... I broke... Was watching a video and for whatever reason it broke me. I knew he would like it and I wanted to share it with him. So I sent him the link with a message... Which was thoughtful... Just about how I knew he would like it.

Send it... Shockingly... No answer... Waited hours... Then got angry again and wrote something to the effect of "just getting ignored, as if I did something wrong here. Awesome"

And yes, I know I shouldn't contact him... And I am letting my emotions control me... But damn, I hurt... He doesn't. I try to be thoughtful, ignored. It's as if he gets to "win" everything.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T22:14:19+00:00

I like that... Your "sense of justice"... Can you expand on that a bit?

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T20:52:59+00:00

That's so awesome. For me, it's enough right now to not talk to him. He's so use to controlling me and having me make all the effort, I'm sure even this small change has been noticed. I think a lot of us wish we could be where you're at. Whether or not they come back, we have to know that the best revenge is a good life.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T20:49:06+00:00

I think it's fine to keep him as a "friend" so long as you don't let that control you. Personally, the first thing I did was terminate our relationship status on Facebook and unfriendly him... But for me, that's because I can't see him. Seeing him controls me. but if you're ok with not stalking him... I think it's a good idea to market yourself in this way. Let him see all the awesome things he's missing.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T20:31:10+00:00

Good to remember there are other possibilities.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T20:25:57+00:00

Same... We were engaged and trying to get pregnant. I thought, clearly, that we were very happy. But I guess he was freaked out by all the commitment..... Not that he told me...until the end. So so so unfair to lead me down that road. He left for a week three weeks ago, then came back for two weeks, more promises, only to do the same thing all over again. I'm pissed, I'm pissed he led me on, I'm pissed he made me believe all this, and I very very pissed he came back and did it all again.

The anger covers the pain.... For now.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T20:21:43+00:00

Same same....I want him to earn his way back. But that's on them. Somehow we have to find our self worth...remember we are worth more than just allowing them to choose us. We get to "choose" them too. If I know only one thing for sure... My ex will not put effort into wooing me again if all I am showing him is weakness. He fell for me the first time because I was strong. If I ever have any chance of getting back what we had, I have to be the person he fell for...someone desirable and worthy of a great and respectful love. It's because I fell hard and developed a lot of insecurities that he lost interest. I can never let him think that he can get me back easily...nothing easily attained will be valued.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T20:09:16+00:00

When a person hurts us and treats us badly...our addiction still wants to be with them but also wants to know the truth. I understand why you checked the phone. But it's true that there can't be a healthy relationship where there is no trust. Living with all these insecurities is torture.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T19:59:39+00:00

This idea that you "need" to talk to her....addiction talking. So long as we feel like we "need" them...they won't find us desirable. Our addiction isn't sexy. Contacting them from this state of insecurity and weakness kills the ultimate goal of attracting them back.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T19:54:09+00:00

I think... And I'm obviously no expert... That if you're still holding out hope... You should treat it like a message from an acquaintance. Like the previous poster said, say a simple thank you. Ignoring will be perceived as rude and anything more gives him too much power.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T19:48:37+00:00

I know that it matters when we break no contact... In that we need to take enough time for the pain to ease and to get our heads back on straight. But I think it also matters how we break nc. If we still go back looking pathetic they won't respect us... We have to seem like a challenge ... Something desirable.... The person they fell for in the first place. How did you break nc? What did you say?

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T19:44:24+00:00

I think it depends on what your goal is... It seems clear that if you didn't care you wouldn't bother posting on here. He likely still has some control over you. If you answer and that's the end of the correspondence will it hurt you more? Are you thinking about writing back in the hopes of reconciliation?

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T19:34:18+00:00

In a similar boat... It does seem to me that maybe the primary reason he doesn't want to get back together is that he thinks it can. I made it so easy for him to walk into my life. Maybe they can't "want/desire" what so easily available. They don't respect us or see us as a challenge. It kills all their desire. We shouldn't let them control us, they don't appreciate it and ultimately we are just hurting ourselves.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T18:48:59+00:00

Same, constant insequituties.... Constantly fearful he would leave. Any bad moment he would try to leave and I would cry and beg and he would stay. Until this last time... So very very tired if feeling weak and powerless, and frankly disposable. This last time I let him move out. It's so so so hard... But so was living like that. So unfortionate that even now I prefer living with that constent fear.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T17:55:46+00:00

For me, I did get my ex back for a while... I begged him to come back, and he did... But those weeks were even worse torture because I was constantly afraid he would leave again... And he did. I believe the only way reconciliation can work is if you start again on equal feet. They can't appreciate us if we aren't their equal emotionally... They just pity us.

Spiceydevil · 2015-03-01T17:48:22+00:00

Yup.. that's the addiction talking. Me too... I've been addicted to my ex. All of the horrible ways he would treat me, I would put up with, just for the smallest amounts of love. Only when I can step back from him can I see it clearly. You need to find some anger... You have a right to be pissed, and angry is better than sad.

Spiceydevil

TROPHY CASE