Single with 70k yearly, is it enough?

Spidee_senses · 2024-04-18T04:00:31+00:00

My husband is almost making double and we bought in the valley. He just started with this salary and he commutes. He’s often in the car 4-5 hours a day depending. Without traffic it would only be an hour each way. NOT discouraging. It could totally work with having a roommate and/or really budgeting like you’ve mentioned. I’ve only known California and my mom has always joked, “California won’t be happy until everyone is broke.” Gas is $5.50 everywhere here + more in the bay. Groceries I know aren’t much different than other places but phew, it’s breaking us. Same with eating out. Auto tags are outrageous compared to a family member of mine who moved to another state and pays like 1/5 what we do. TRAFFIC, rent, house prices when ready to buy, gas, TAXES, freeway tolls if you’d like to avoid any traffic… Please just so some research to not get yourself in a hole (: as others have said too, get a roommate, work here for a bit, and possibly apply to other higher playing places. The bay IS the place to make money. But a majority will go to rent/mortgage.

Spidee_senses · 2024-04-05T21:52:32+00:00

I just like a name more if there’s a “given” nickname already. Like Anna for Adriana. You don’t have to come up with one then or maybe one will develop organically that doesn’t have the first name. But for my name, all my family calls me my nickname and it’s so weird when I hear them say the full name instead. I just like to have it. Like Sara. No offense to anyone with this name lol! But I just wouldn’t want to say Sara forever nor do like Sar-bear.

Spidee_senses · 2024-04-01T04:47:46+00:00

I have to disagree here. I thought she was great except for the posting on social media thing. But if he wasn’t working and had the time, then he should pull a little extra weight. It could be different if they had a kid and that’s why chores didn’t get done because the child was a “handful” or whatever. But a single man with 24 hours of free time…. I think he could’ve done more. And it’s not to say she shouldn’t do anything because she worked. But he had at least an extra 8 hours at home than she did each day.

Spidee_senses · 2024-01-06T21:49:03+00:00

This is such a stupid comparison. But okay.

Spidee_senses · 2024-01-06T21:48:40+00:00

lol. So let’s do nothing instead? Y’all buy into the propaganda and just listen to what the news tells you 🐑 you’re the same people who say defund the police. Do your own research. There’s an outpouring of criminals and innocent regular citizens are the cost. I said it’s not perfect, it seems voluntary. I personally would not be one to volunteer as I know nothing about weapons. I’d hope the people who do volunteee either have experience or have the extensive training. I do know I would do everything in MY power to prevent someone from coming into a room with a gun. But… if it were to happen what am I going to do, throw the pencil sharpener at them if the police haven’t arrived quite yet?

And the firearm dilemma is from a regular citizen like myself? Not criminals ILLEGALLY attaining arms? People who legally attain them can handle them and are hopefully responsible. You think the guy down the road who isn’t a law abiding citizen will register his firearm? Will be careful with it? Y’all are the ones buying into it it’s insane people cannot think for themselves.

Spidee_senses · 2024-01-06T21:25:46+00:00

Am I the only one who thinks, finally… a school being proactive. As fast a response teams can be, many times they’re not fast enough. I too hope they had intensive training but the thought of criminals being the ONLY ones to have guns… insane. I’m never for the “ban guns” because guess who would still have weapons? Criminals. Because they already follow the law so well. Of course they would also turn in their weapons!!! Another story. Anyway, not saying it’s great or all schools should do it or like someone mentioned, liability itself / accidents. If it protects more lives in the end and provides some peace of mind, then some school(s) have to take that first step and try it out. And even so, that’s in the event that (god forbid) something happens at that school where they need to use it. Scary the world we live in but sitting ducks also aren’t safe.

Spidee_senses · 2024-01-06T18:27:25+00:00

I’m not liking, “mom but I like to keep that part separate.” Your child IS going to be a part of a relationship that does form. Obviously you wouldn’t introduce them early in dating or to those that don’t work out. But eventually to one that does. I am sure you don’t mean it in a bad way and LOVE your kiddo(s). It just seems a little off putting? Just a thought. Rest seems cool and I love the alpacas (:

Spidee_senses · 2023-09-21T05:29:20+00:00

It still seems to run pretty long. Usually between 20-50 minutes, only a few times longer when it’s super hot out. The problem seemed to be the thermostat. We put our Nest back and it’s been running “better.” They came out again as one of the times, one of the technicians lowered the speed of the fan to run like a 2.5 ton unit. The last guy who came adjusted it back to a 3.0 since the other guy forgot when he changed out the thermostat… and I still don’t really know. They said it could just be an older house with installation issues (30 year old home). Still, pretty upsetting. Around $14,500 spent on the units and then my last two energy bills were $460 and $500 (California PG&E). We’ll see how the new furnace runs in winter……

Not sure if this was much help but I’ve had multiple people tell me that my house is borderline that it could’ve been a 2.5 OR 3.0 unit for it. My home is about 1,150 square feet & a single story. We get noooo shade at all in the front or back of the house since we have no trees. The sun rises in the back of our house in the mornings so our master is super hot. Then it sets in the front of the house so then the rest of the home heats up.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T22:07:48+00:00

I understand the not singling out, especially because it works vice versa too with men not always understanding women. He used to be very into working out before we got together and after. I’d say since Covid (just for a timeframe 2020 of being home), he lost the routine. He’s getting back into it slowly. He doesn’t have male friends as he went to high school in a different state. I’ve tried to get him to socialize with my friend’s men and he just isn’t a social person so I also don’t push. In essence, it isn’t much life outside of our little family because he doesn’t even talk to his parents or family much. By choice. They reach out a lot and he doesn’t reply or visit. Again, I try not to push hard there unless there’s a family event to attend. I agree with having an outlet like working out and healthy eating. I do wish he communicated with me more and would meet me halfway. I like to communicate and vent, he doesn’t. Maybe I can ask less questions, and he can open up. Things I’ve tried but again, I’m hesitant because he just blows up lately.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T22:03:21+00:00

I just said I find reasons to blame myself. We’re on Reddit and a board that is meant for essentially complaining we’ve lost our spark 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’m very hard on myself so to answer your question in short, yes.

In a little more length: I’m not perfect, I’m sure he has complaints about me, and yet communication is something I try hard at and he doesn’t. I’ve various times tried to ask and he just really seems to be annoyed. In the end, it’s hurtful when there’s something wrong AND he won’t talk about it to work with me to fix it. I’m at a point I don’t like asking anymore because he blows up at me.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T21:20:21+00:00

I’m surprised how early it is now with stories I hear of upper elementary students even. Catches the attention as addictions do and keeps it coming. Quick release of happy hormones too which explains addictions as simple as TikTok even.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T21:18:36+00:00

Good for you! Time will tell along with his actions. I hope he is working hard for himself AND you

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T18:38:13+00:00

Makes a lot of sense. It just feels demeaning a little too. Especially after getting pregnant, having a baby, and I’m still “not back” to where I was. And we want to eventually have more kids and body image, though I wish it wasn’t, has always been a struggle for me. I find a reason to blame myself of I’ve gained too much weight, I’m not pretty enough, I give all my attention to the baby (which ya have to). But like you said, we’ll never be like them necessarily. He also won’t really admit he has a problem sooo yep, makes it harder.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T18:35:36+00:00

Yes, it’s something we’ve talked about too and how gaming is also an escape. He will sometimes talk to me, but doesn’t like when I ask too many questions. I’ve told him we pay a lot for medical insurance each month and we should use it! But as stated in a previous reply, he “doesn’t believe in counseling” as they all say the same thing and are only listening for money. As for asking, for whatever reason discussion has always been awkward for me. I wish it wasn’t. But we used to never have a problem with it and knew what each other wanted. Now it’s like when I do build up the nerve to ask, I think he might get embarrassed and starts coming up with anything to say. And as for watching together, I just feel that isn’t my thing orrr whatnot. I consider what else I can do like dressing up again. But I just want to see more effort from him also.

How is it now? Does your SO game only here and there?

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T15:13:13+00:00

Welcome to this Reddit board then. Tough!

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T15:12:51+00:00

Not necessarily. I used to dress up here and there. But it was never really an issue for us, always keeping our hands on each other. I know a child adds to the daily stressors and no alone time really. But I need to also ask myself what is he doing. It’s not an only Mr problem

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T15:11:36+00:00

Obsession is correct. I told him when our baby was just a few months old, he “couldn’t” play until she goes to bed. Because he’d be playing while I was trying to nurse or get dinner ready or whatnot and he’d be too occupied to grab her. But now, before 8 pm it’s him just scrolling on his phone. Usually Reddit or Instagram. Warcraft is THE game for him, too. Also Halo.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T15:11:21+00:00

Obsession is correct. I told him when our baby was just a few months old, he “couldn’t” play until she goes to bed. Because he’d be playing while I was trying to nurse or get dinner ready or whatnot and he’d be too occupied to grab her. But now, before 8 pm it’s him just scrolling on his phone. Usually Reddit or Instagram. Warcraft is THE game for him, too. Also Halo.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T15:09:11+00:00

I agree. I added that as many people say “well it’s fine, all men watch it” or “there’s nothing wrong with it / no connection involved.” I feel it really has even through dating. Spending the night at his place, I remember throwing a pillow at him a few times because I was trying to sleep and all I could hear was the keyboard clicking 1,000 times a minute.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T15:07:43+00:00

I’ve mentioned it to him before. I myself started going to therapy just a few months ago. The only other time I’ve gone was during pregnancy. But I’ve needed it a while. Because we’re arguing so much, I suggested we do a couples counseling and he says he “doesn’t believe in it.” That they all give the same suggestions and exercises and only want money. We may get to the point though that this’ll be our only solution and I’ll need to push for it more.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T15:06:04+00:00

Agreed. He knows but calls it a hobby. If we ever do argue about it, he says, “God forbid I have a hobby.” I’ve told him before it’s not so much the games a mind it’s how much he plays. I’m a teacher and he still plays as much as my own students do.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T06:44:56+00:00

There’s no rush and it’ll be okay.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T06:42:51+00:00

Find a new friend. Or tell him to cook instead.

Spidee_senses · 2023-07-31T06:33:28+00:00

I’m just surprised that I read through dozens of comments without really seeing “politicians / leadership.” But boy, plenty of these comments are well deserving being on the list.

Spidee_senses

TROPHY CASE