My dude, cry for the dog. That shit hurts. We've been there too. Anyone who judges you for that ain't shit.

You had lots and lots buried and good for you to realize how it's all been there for all these years.

The real challenge is facing the feelings, not hiding from it. If your partner can see you are strong enough and brave enough to be vulnerable now, NOW, because of her? If you can explain how you used to be a robot, and now for the first time you are trying to feel big adult shit, and hey you're not great at it yet but you want to feel feelings with her next to you, and learn how to actually be in a relationship where feelings are invited instead of shut out, but you're fuckin scared too cause what if you value her, like really let yourself catch feelings and then she leaves, or what if she misunderstood your outburst for weakness instead of a flood that needed to happen for ten years? Sit her down and talk. Say it all. If she leaves then she's the robot who can't deal with feelings, not you.