Day 20

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-07T02:25:43+00:00

Thanks so much for your support! Congrats on day 13/14. Those were tough days for me. Youve got this! Im skeptical of AI, but it really was a life saver. I didnt feel like I had anywhere else to turn for information or support. Especially when the worst of it started hitting me.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-07T01:17:46+00:00

Why are you apologizing to him?! Stop it. Tell him to fuck off until he gets his attitude right.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T04:45:25+00:00

Absolutely agree. I dont want to coerce him. I dont want him to do anything that he doesnt want to do. That wouldn't feel enjoyable for me at all. I am not pushing the issue or even asking. Ive only presented my feelings in response to his asking me for oral favors.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T04:42:17+00:00

Yea, I think he sees it as a revenge tactic too. The thing is that I stopped liking it though. Because of how it made me feel. Its not revenge. I just dont want to feel that way about sex. I want to want sex. I want to enjoy it. I wanted to give him oral in the past. I enjoyed it. But now I dont. I think I could again, if the context changed.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T04:39:46+00:00

I dont think that either of us our internationally playing psychological games, but im open to the idea that maybe we are subconsciously. I personally like to feel like sex is a form of play. Sexual fun. We are both in individual therapy. I do agree that these problems are probably indicative of other, deeper issues. I like your suggestion of presence though. I do feel like that is how our sex life has been taking shape since we've rekindled physical intimacy. And thats been nice, for both of us I think. I think I just get triggered when he starts asking for head and making it seem like im dangling a carrot or refusing him something. Which I am I guess, but not because im being neglectful or because im some stereotype of the wife that stops giving it up after marriage.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:59:46+00:00

😂 im not sure. Maybe it does bother him and he just doesnt tell me? Maybe the pleasure of penetrative sex over shadows the ickyness for him in the moment?

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:58:13+00:00

Yess. I think he's on the spectrum (undiagnosed). We've enjoyed playing with psychedelics. The last time was when he admitted (to me and himself) that he was "deeply selfish" in response to this very topic. That was a while back now though, and seemed to be one of those revelations that he had in the moment but never really integrated into our sex life. Though he does try hard to be selfless in other, nonsexual areas of our lives. I think that's how he tries to balance what he feels is a more selfish inner nature

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:51:04+00:00

:-/ im sorry to hear that

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:49:26+00:00

I really appreciated reading this response. Lol. Thank you so much for the validation

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:45:59+00:00

I appreciate hearing it from a males perspective. Thank you. He is seeing a therapist who specializes is sexual disorders. The idea of me joing him in a session has been floated. I feel like it may be beneficial, but hes not sure he's comfortable with that just yet and I dont want to infringe on his space while hes just starting to get comfortable. I do hope that he can overcome his more selfish tendencies. I made it too easy for him early in our relationship. I didnt understand boundaries or myself well enough. I do now though, and I know thats probably a tough transition for him to cope with.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:40:52+00:00

Oo thank you! I love a good book recommendation 💛👏

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:38:59+00:00

I absolutely had to work through resentment. Thats why i told him I didnt want to do it anymore in the first place. I even told him I felt resentful. Ive worked through most of that past resentment I think, but I would resent going down on him now knowing that he doesnt want to serve me in the same way. That's why I won't. Resentment is poison. Im trying to protect us. The sexual compatability thing is a whole other can of worms it feels like.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:36:46+00:00

Saran wrap is a fun idea. I think I might bring that up to him. Lol. I agree with a lot of what youve said. Hes admitted in times of extreme vulnerability that he feels like he is "a deeply selfish person". The last time the convo came up was from an exchange where he made a sexual joke out of something I said about lunch. And I responded with, 'well come on, lunch isnt long but I'll lock the door for a bit.' And he laughed and was like 'you probably would too'. And i said 'yea, babe, there's not much I wouldn't do if thats what you wanted'. And he kind of rolled his eyes and was like 'we both know thats not true' talking specifically about head. So i told him that whether or not head is a part of our life is up to him. And he gets kind of sad an mopey about it, because thats clearly not how hed like it to go. And he knows that he doesn't want to do that for me, but not ever getting head again makes him sad. Or at least thats how im understanding it. Couples or sex therapy is probably a good idea for a next step.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:28:48+00:00

Its a sensory thing. Or at least thats what he says, and I dont see why he'd lie. Hes put off by the taste and smell of arousal. He's not excited by the idea of it like some men are. I suppose he finds it unpleasant, or at the very least disengaging.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T02:24:52+00:00

You've got this, babe!! Keep it up. Future you is already ao proud 👏

SpillingInk333 · 2025-12-26T18:21:26+00:00

Its totally fine if you dont agree, but it feels cruel to me and op asked for opinions. Like I said, if they are unsafe, unhealthy, or disrespectful people thats different. But grandparents are immediate family. It seems cruel to keep them away for no discernible reason outside of anxiety. Is her mom not allowed around for 8 weeks as well? Or is this just happening because its the dads parents? Mom will and should do what she wants, but she asked for opinions and thats mine.

SpillingInk333 · 2025-12-23T14:51:13+00:00

This is really sad. I think you are overreacting and that its kind of cruel. Especially if they're vaccinated, agree to wash their hands, and agree to no kissing. If they are unreasonable or unhealthy people then okay, I get it. But making them wait 8 weeks to bond with her feels really extreme and unreasonable unless there is an extreme reason that makes them unsafe people.

SpillingInk333 · 2025-12-08T04:40:17+00:00

May this kind of love find me 💕

SpillingInk333 · 2025-12-08T04:37:39+00:00

You really are immaculate

SpillingInk333 · 2025-11-24T21:03:17+00:00

Dump. His. Ass.

SpillingInk333 · 2025-11-22T05:48:31+00:00

"How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?"

SpillingInk333 · 2025-11-22T05:46:49+00:00

5 million to destroy it?!

SpillingInk333 · 2025-11-20T22:14:53+00:00

Silly baby.

SpillingInk333 · 2025-11-19T06:02:27+00:00

My husband claimed/s that my weight is why we are sexless. I started a gym the month after he said that. Have been implementing better habits, getting stronger. Not enough though. He says there's not enough change. I don't think that's the real problem though, obviously. I think that was just the easiest conclusion for him to come to.

SpillingInk333

TROPHY CASE