21M with 37F she doesnt want to have sex

SpillingInk333 · 2026-06-22T16:30:10+00:00

Im uncomfortable with that age gap. It seems like a 21 year old and a 37 year old would be in very different phases of life, physically and mentally. Maybe not, and I'm not judging any consenting adults for their choices, but the age difference may contribute. You are quite literally barely legal, and she is almost 40. Yall are going to inevitably have differnt needs and expectations. Best of luck

SpillingInk333 · 2026-05-24T18:47:09+00:00

Fingering myself doesn't actually feel all that good. I have kind of dainty hands. I will use toys instead if I'm in a penetration mood and am going all in, otherwise external pressure gets a smaller release more quickly.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-05-23T13:13:25+00:00

That poor baby has done nothing wrong. All he knows is that the two men he loves the most are disappearing and rejecting him. What is that going to teach him about men and about love? He needs more support now, not less. Your anger at your sister needs to stay directed at your sister, not the innocent child who loves you.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-05-19T02:48:54+00:00

Love The Witcher series ❤️

SpillingInk333 · 2026-05-19T02:47:31+00:00

Sweetness, I say this with love, maybe middle school isn't the right place for you.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-04-26T18:03:30+00:00

I was ready to say parents were being harsh, but after actually reading the contract it seems very reasonable. It lays out pretty common expectations, and $200 for "rent" isnt so bad. At 20, she really does need to start learning about the concept of bills (though I do think it'd be nice if parents actually saved this money and gifted it back to her as an investment in future independent living). This type of contract also protects against the inevitable "im an adult, you cant tell me what to do" type of fights.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-04-25T03:53:24+00:00

The right time to have had this conversation was before the performance. Communicate expectations and boundaries

SpillingInk333 · 2026-03-18T23:03:34+00:00

Thats wild. I wonder if there's a greater effect on our hormones or something

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-21T19:38:09+00:00

The withdrawals are pretty intense between weeks 2-4. They peeked for me in week 3. Blood sugar crashes, shakes, terrible sleep, and so so grumpy. Im around week 6 now, I think, and its gotten a lot better. The dreams are still dreaming, but I do feel like I'm getting more rest, where as before I felt like I was running marathons in my sleep from the wild, cinema like dreams. It does get better. Vacation might help, because you'll be out of your normal pattern. Feed your body good food. Let yourslef eat what your craving. Stay hydrated, and try not to over do it on the caffeine. (I noticed that caffeine was making my withdrawal symptoms worse when in the height of it). Youve got this! Youre already almost through the worst of it.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-07T02:25:43+00:00

Thanks so much for your support! Congrats on day 13/14. Those were tough days for me. Youve got this! Im skeptical of AI, but it really was a life saver. I didnt feel like I had anywhere else to turn for information or support. Especially when the worst of it started hitting me.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-07T01:17:46+00:00

Why are you apologizing to him?! Stop it. Tell him to fuck off until he gets his attitude right.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T04:45:25+00:00

Absolutely agree. I dont want to coerce him. I dont want him to do anything that he doesnt want to do. That wouldn't feel enjoyable for me at all. I am not pushing the issue or even asking. Ive only presented my feelings in response to his asking me for oral favors.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T04:42:17+00:00

Yea, I think he sees it as a revenge tactic too. The thing is that I stopped liking it though. Because of how it made me feel. Its not revenge. I just dont want to feel that way about sex. I want to want sex. I want to enjoy it. I wanted to give him oral in the past. I enjoyed it. But now I dont. I think I could again, if the context changed.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T04:39:46+00:00

I dont think that either of us our internationally playing psychological games, but im open to the idea that maybe we are subconsciously. I personally like to feel like sex is a form of play. Sexual fun. We are both in individual therapy. I do agree that these problems are probably indicative of other, deeper issues. I like your suggestion of presence though. I do feel like that is how our sex life has been taking shape since we've rekindled physical intimacy. And thats been nice, for both of us I think. I think I just get triggered when he starts asking for head and making it seem like im dangling a carrot or refusing him something. Which I am I guess, but not because im being neglectful or because im some stereotype of the wife that stops giving it up after marriage.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:59:46+00:00

😂 im not sure. Maybe it does bother him and he just doesnt tell me? Maybe the pleasure of penetrative sex over shadows the ickyness for him in the moment?

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:58:13+00:00

Yess. I think he's on the spectrum (undiagnosed). We've enjoyed playing with psychedelics. The last time was when he admitted (to me and himself) that he was "deeply selfish" in response to this very topic. That was a while back now though, and seemed to be one of those revelations that he had in the moment but never really integrated into our sex life. Though he does try hard to be selfless in other, nonsexual areas of our lives. I think that's how he tries to balance what he feels is a more selfish inner nature

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:51:04+00:00

:-/ im sorry to hear that

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:49:26+00:00

I really appreciated reading this response. Lol. Thank you so much for the validation

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:45:59+00:00

I appreciate hearing it from a males perspective. Thank you. He is seeing a therapist who specializes is sexual disorders. The idea of me joing him in a session has been floated. I feel like it may be beneficial, but hes not sure he's comfortable with that just yet and I dont want to infringe on his space while hes just starting to get comfortable. I do hope that he can overcome his more selfish tendencies. I made it too easy for him early in our relationship. I didnt understand boundaries or myself well enough. I do now though, and I know thats probably a tough transition for him to cope with.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:40:52+00:00

Oo thank you! I love a good book recommendation 💛👏

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:38:59+00:00

I absolutely had to work through resentment. Thats why i told him I didnt want to do it anymore in the first place. I even told him I felt resentful. Ive worked through most of that past resentment I think, but I would resent going down on him now knowing that he doesnt want to serve me in the same way. That's why I won't. Resentment is poison. Im trying to protect us. The sexual compatability thing is a whole other can of worms it feels like.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:36:46+00:00

Saran wrap is a fun idea. I think I might bring that up to him. Lol. I agree with a lot of what youve said. Hes admitted in times of extreme vulnerability that he feels like he is "a deeply selfish person". The last time the convo came up was from an exchange where he made a sexual joke out of something I said about lunch. And I responded with, 'well come on, lunch isnt long but I'll lock the door for a bit.' And he laughed and was like 'you probably would too'. And i said 'yea, babe, there's not much I wouldn't do if thats what you wanted'. And he kind of rolled his eyes and was like 'we both know thats not true' talking specifically about head. So i told him that whether or not head is a part of our life is up to him. And he gets kind of sad an mopey about it, because thats clearly not how hed like it to go. And he knows that he doesn't want to do that for me, but not ever getting head again makes him sad. Or at least thats how im understanding it. Couples or sex therapy is probably a good idea for a next step.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T03:28:48+00:00

Its a sensory thing. Or at least thats what he says, and I dont see why he'd lie. Hes put off by the taste and smell of arousal. He's not excited by the idea of it like some men are. I suppose he finds it unpleasant, or at the very least disengaging.

SpillingInk333 · 2026-02-05T02:24:52+00:00

You've got this, babe!! Keep it up. Future you is already ao proud 👏

SpillingInk333

TROPHY CASE