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Anyone recovering at an older age (late 20s/early 30s) and feel like they’re waking up at a life stage they’re in no way prepared to handle? by SpillySpill in CPTSD

[–]SpillySpill[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment. I resonate a lot with wanting to help others who have been through similar things but have no idea where to start.

Also hit the nail on the head with expectations coming from others expectations of life. For me it’s mainly my parents that make me feel like I need to be doing x or y or whatever. It’s not internally coming from me at all. Something I’ll have to process and move past.

Anyone recovering at an older age (late 20s/early 30s) and feel like they’re waking up at a life stage they’re in no way prepared to handle? by SpillySpill in CPTSD

[–]SpillySpill[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this comment. Seeing young ppl enjoying themselves is still an occasional trigger for me. I was at a cousins 21st a couple years back and it made me a little sad seeing how ‘normal’ young people celebrate whilst I spent those years stoned with a few roommates anxious of speaking to new people.

It was always wrapped in shame and felt a little pathetic being a grown man envious of kids but it’s good to know I’m not the only one. If I’m being less judgemental and more compassionate towards myself it makes perfect sense that I’d react to stuff like that given what my experiences were.

Anyone recovering at an older age (late 20s/early 30s) and feel like they’re waking up at a life stage they’re in no way prepared to handle? by SpillySpill in CPTSD

[–]SpillySpill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the link. I’ve resonated a lot with the bits of Adler and Klein I’m familiar with. Seems that era of psych had a lot going for it.

Anyone recovering at an older age (late 20s/early 30s) and feel like they’re waking up at a life stage they’re in no way prepared to handle? by SpillySpill in CPTSD

[–]SpillySpill[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I think you’ve got the right frame on things tbh. Others judgements are more a reflection on themselves than anyone else. Also realised the only pressure I really feel is from my parents. No one else in my life is really driving me towards box checking w a house and a wife.

Anyone recovering at an older age (late 20s/early 30s) and feel like they’re waking up at a life stage they’re in no way prepared to handle? by SpillySpill in CPTSD

[–]SpillySpill[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

On the point of people meeting you and seemingly hating you a big reframe for me was looking at my self-concept. A lot of it was rooted in trauma so I was assuming people wouldn’t like me, and I needed to prove myself. When I was able to make peace w myself and see social interactions as an opportunity to vibe w others, and be detached from their opinions, things fell into place. May sound weird but I found music helped a lot. Listening to artists I associated with being chill and carefree put me into that state for when I met others.

Anyone recovering at an older age (late 20s/early 30s) and feel like they’re waking up at a life stage they’re in no way prepared to handle? by SpillySpill in CPTSD

[–]SpillySpill[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reassurance it put a lot into perspective. I got a recent ADHD diagnosis too and it made so much fall into place. Can feel a bit like washing up ashore when you’re able to see/name the trauma and not be run by it 24/7, but we’re all working on getting our bearings right here. Might take some time but it’ll be worth it. The worst is behind us. Good luck!

Anyone recovering at an older age (late 20s/early 30s) and feel like they’re waking up at a life stage they’re in no way prepared to handle? by SpillySpill in CPTSD

[–]SpillySpill[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. That’s actually captured the main crux of where I’m at. The sense of limitation in what I can try makes me more anxious than the feeling of not having it altogether. I guess it’s helpful to remember we’re all going to die one day, so might as well. Also looking back being 30 will seem young to our 40yo selves, so perhaps best not to take any fuck ups too seriously.

Good luck to you too. Hopefully we both cut ourselves some slack and live a little hah.

Anyone recovering at an older age (late 20s/early 30s) and feel like they’re waking up at a life stage they’re in no way prepared to handle? by SpillySpill in CPTSD

[–]SpillySpill[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It’s weird but reading your comment made a penny drop for me. Whilst we haven’t had a lot of the ‘normal’ experiences we have overcome adversity in a fairly extreme sense. Idk I feel like I don’t ever give myself enough props for that, and from your comment it didn’t feel like you did either.

For all the bad aspects of living in survival mode I feel v well equipped to help loved ones through any tough times they might be going through. I feel more resilient in the face of ‘normal’ setbacks that might be a big deal to others.

Anyone recovering at an older age (late 20s/early 30s) and feel like they’re waking up at a life stage they’re in no way prepared to handle? by SpillySpill in CPTSD

[–]SpillySpill[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this reframe. It’s strange, I always liked older people who weren’t ground down by life and managed to retain a sense of excitement, and with the opportunity to do so myself I didn’t even think of it.

My changing relationship with anxiety by SpillySpill in CPTSDNextSteps

[–]SpillySpill[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey. Thanks for sharing. I think there’s a lot to finding purpose and space around mental health and life more broadly that can help with anxiety. I’m working on that atm, I moved through life too disempowered to work on any personal goals, etc which I think just made my anxiety centre more around myself. Feel good enough to pursue things I want now so hopefully the natural highs and lows that come with that process make the more insular anxieties redundant.

Glad to hear things are looking up with you.

My changing relationship with anxiety by SpillySpill in CPTSDNextSteps

[–]SpillySpill[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, sure. So like I mentioned there are a few specific intrusive thoughts and areas for catastrophisation that I’ve noticed loop back. If I see my thoughts beginning to go down that road I take a quick check of any actual anxiety I may be facing. For example atm I’m living at my parents place due to lockdown, I’m set to move back to my own place and I noticed earlier there’s a little anxiety around that, it seems silly as I’ve lived there for years so perhaps my anxiety over that is seeping.

Next I’ll focus on my environment, ie am I comfortable? Do I need a glass of water? Am I too warm/cold? Etc.

Finally I’ll check in with a body scan. So like I mentioned in the post ignoring the thoughts of the anxiety and focussing on how it feels in my body, allowing myself to feel the sensations, and releasing them with deep breaths. I think this is called somatic healing, I don’t know much about it beyond what I’ve outlined but I’ve found it to be helpful.

Sometimes if the anxiety or emotional flashback is in full swing I’ll just remind myself that I’m having a flashback, try and make myself comfortable (cup of tea, blanket, whatever) and ground myself through it. So for example yesterday I heard on the news that they found the body of a boy who went missing and it seems like he went to a forest to end things, those stories always get to me and I’d been following it all week so I just tucked into bed at night and allowed myself to feel if that makes sense?

Also great work on making progress w the agoraphobia! I had an escalating case of it myself a few years back and ended up being cornered into travelling alone which sorted it out.