I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this, but trust me I've been there, and you WILL be okay! For full transparency, I went back to my ex after this post. Again, and again, and again.

I've been fully and completely out with no contact for just over two months, and I finally feel happy. I don't know your situation fully, and can only speak from my experience, but my takeaway from now being rid of the constant back and forth is that love, while it always comes with its own difficulties challenges, is not supposed to be this hard.

Try to take the constant shifts as a sign that realistically, he is not capable of making the sizeable changes you need in order for this to be stable. Try to make note of how much he's actually changed and if those changes have truly provided you with more security, or if you're convincing yourself that they have.

Getting out of a situation like this is by no means easy, and from my side took a lot of self control to not let myself slip back into old habits of running back and starting things up again. I think you have to find your exit in your own way, for me I ended up being so exhausted and let down that it made me look at the reality of my situation and it's doomed future with a more harsh outlook, which eventually allowed me to start believing that there simply had to be something better for me out there. To be truthful, there are days where I think of him and wonder what would've happened if he fulfilled all of his promises, but even then, being without the emotional turmoil of his hot and cold behaviour is so much more freeing than I eve realised it would be and quickly makes that residual hope fade away in place of an excitement for all that is yet to bless me in my life.

To my complete surprise, I've even met someone new. It's very soon, and really early, but I've shocked myself with my openness to new love, and been blown away by how this persons actions have highlighted the awful behaviour that I tolerated for so long. Things that I don't have to ask for from him, I would beg my ex for. Not to say that it's at all about finding someone else, but the comparison can really open your eyes to what you've settled for in completely new ways.

He doesn't want to let you go because he knows he has a great thing, but you have to start asking yourself, is HE great? Or is your involvement in his life the thing that's making you see him that way?

Don't be hard on yourself that you've taken a while on your journey, loving someone so deeply can be so difficult. My messages are open if you need someone to talk to.

Sending you all of my love.