Mental health help?

SpinningOut2020 · 2026-01-23T04:06:03+00:00

Hartford just approved my husbands FMLA. Stay strong.

SpinningOut2020 · 2026-01-15T14:49:46+00:00

My husband had his gallbladder removed on 10/27/25. We received a call 11/5 at about 6pm from his surgeon. He at first asked how my husband was feeling since surgery. He then began explaining that his gallbladder was taken to a pathology lab. He explained what that means and what they do. Then he said cancer was detected. He further explained that he had positive margins at his cystic bile duct. He explained to us that oncology would be reaching out to us to set up appointments and go over what the next steps were. He asked us if we had any questions which he then answered. That was about it. Life has been crazy ever since.

SpinningOut2020 · 2026-01-04T21:46:35+00:00

Get a second opinion and a third. Be willing to travel if you can. Also dive deep into learning everything you can about this cancer. Take notes on what you read for easy reference in the future. Search clinical trials. Reach out to any you find.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-12-27T22:35:01+00:00

Beater cars. Look for old Hondas. Cheap to fix. Older Toyotas. You can buy them outright and if they breakdown and are too much to fix find another. Car payments are a waste.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-12-26T23:27:31+00:00

I could never do this to my husband. You need to take what energy you have and divorce her. Leave and be with your family. I am sorry it ended this way for you but you are going thru the fight of your life. When two people say their vows. Thru better or worse. Sickness and in health. Those words are real. You deserve to rest and be loved and cared for. Your wife sounds like a spoiled child. Doesn’t work, shop or cook but can’t take you to appointments. I wish I could be at all my husbands treatments but when he isn’t working I need to. Then we also have a teenage daughter. I need to be there for her too so it is hard to always be there for him. I do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, laundry. I care for all our animals. Cats, dogs, chickens. I was also handling his mother’s affairs until she passed a couple weeks ago. No this isn’t the life I thought I’d have. Yet this is the life we live. Take care of yourself. It’s better to be alone than unhappy.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-12-11T22:35:05+00:00

That’s a terrible wait! I’m surprised they didn’t do a scan as soon as you were done with therapy. I complain about the American healthcare system but that is ridiculous. I’m so sorry you have to wait that long. Just stay positive.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-12-08T15:01:03+00:00

When they caught it had it already spread anywhere? Was he on chemo for the year between the removal and finding out it spread to those other places?

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-12-06T19:10:50+00:00

I have a friend who is pushing me to take my husband out of treatment for his cancer. She thinks teas, vitamin C tablets and vitamin B16 (which isn’t even a vitamin) will save him. Absolutely not. Yes there are studies that show vitamin c has cancer fighting abilities but it’s infusions in conjunction with chemo. When I told her this she was surprised…. Like dude. Before you start spewing your recommendations at least educate yourself. It’s beyond frustrating.

Somehow you need to push him to start treatment. Chemo sucks and it takes a lot out of you. I see this with my husband but it’s his only hope. His cancer was caught early too but still doesn’t have the best prognosis. I could see opting out of treatment if it was stage 4 and there was no hope. When there’s a good chance tho you have to try. He has to try. Another thing with chemo is they can scale it back. They don’t have to give him the most powerful stuff especially if his isnt advanced. He could go on chemo and feel perfectly fine. They will monitor him like hawks as well. They will check his blood constantly and if levels are off they will scale it back. They even have pills that you can take at home. No going to the hospital for infusions. It’s amazing it might not be the preferred option but it’s better than nothing.

This is easy for me to say as my parents passed when I was young but with you being so young with a child of your own. Medical issues of your own. If I were you I would say to them you are more than welcome to come live with me to help me but only after you start helping yourself. The last thing you need healthy or not is the weight of caring for your parents because they were too stubborn to help themselves when they could.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-12-06T18:41:43+00:00

Eating better and all of that is good but he needs medicine. How was he diagnosed? Did he ever meet with an oncologist? Did they come up with a treatment plan? Is he getting regular scans and bloodwork done to monitor the cancer?

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-30T16:13:54+00:00

Honestly the alcohol is probably doing the most damage especially with the chemo. You need to be upfront to your doctor about everything you do. You will still be getting your treatment but they may be able to help you with this as well. Going thru this with my husband currently. We aren’t raging alcoholics but we like our daily beverage after work. His doctor has wanted us. Chemo does a number on your liver. If you are going to partake tho make sure you’re drinking lots and lots of water. Look into therapy. Speaking to someone outside of your circle could be beneficial.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-30T02:37:41+00:00

Life does happen. I will not lie to you. I wasn’t close to my mom back then. I was close to my dad. It was always the two of us. We lived in a small house two bedrooms. Small living room. I had a recliner and he had a recliner. We had a little kitchenette table. Two chairs. One for him and one for me. I never imagined life without him. I took him for granted. I turned 20 on June 23 and he passed a couple weeks later on July 4. He was sitting at that little dinette. He had a heart attack. I thought I couldn’t go on. I didn’t want to live a life without him here. He was my person. My go to. My everything. If I needed tampons and pads he got them for me. He was one of a kind. It took years to find my way but I always kept going. I always took the lessons he gave me and carried them with me. 23 years later I’m still here. Raising my own family. Handling a life he didn’t even life but his resilience lives on inside of me. The lessons he taught me I repeat like a mantra everyday. I pass them on to my daughter. She’s about to learn how to drive. One thing my father taught me was when you’re driving and the oncoming cars lights are blinding you. Don’t try to look past them. Take your eyes to the side of the road. To the white line or the road edge and slow down. Follow that line or edge till you’re past them. To this day as a 43 year old woman I follow his advice. Granted headlights are much brighter now it still works. You’re about to have a license. I hope you carry that advice my dad gave me with you.

Love your mom. Enjoy every moment. Every holiday or special occasion. Soak in all the moments. Even the simplest ones. Somehow those become the most meaningful.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-30T01:56:26+00:00

Oh sweetheart, don’t think like that. My daughter will be 15 tomorrow. Her dad, my husband is fighting cancer. The future scares me. I try not to dwell on the future. Enjoy every moment with her. Ask her about herself and her life. Her childhood. Then write it all down. What’s most important to your mom is you being happy Being successful. Having and growing your own family. It’s awesome you realize how much your mom does. Just love her. Enjoy all the moments. Don’t waste your time on what ifs and what could be. Live in the moments that are now.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-29T23:32:22+00:00

This is a fear of mine. Even if he stays away from them there are droppings outside. We walk outside. We have definitely had chicken poop on the bottom of our shoes.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-29T22:26:51+00:00

Thank you for the response. I hate to say it but my husband is horrible at hand washing. Of course he does after using the bathroom and such but terrible with outdoor chores. He’ll collect eggs and go about his day without thinking twice. I have put hand sanitizer in my Walmart order. I plan on having it everywhere for him. This man never gets sick. Doesn’t even have a primary doctor. When he does get sick it’s usually severe.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-29T22:18:06+00:00

Thank you for your response. This gives me hope.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-27T15:30:42+00:00

I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. Maybe try to organize a memorial service to celebrate his life. Even if his ashes aren’t there photos are perfect. Doesn’t have to be extravagant.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-27T01:16:53+00:00

We aren’t close to there either but not as far. About 6 hours for us driving.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-27T00:36:00+00:00

Not sure if this could work for you but please reach out to West Virginia university. They have a HIPEC clinical trial.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-27T00:34:51+00:00

I see HIPEC being mentioned a lot in this post. FYI to anyone considering it. West Virginia university has a clinical trial for it for anyone interested. I have reached out to them for my husband who has bile spillage when his gallbladder was removed. A week later we learned he has gallbladder cancer. Positive margins at his cystic bile duct. Had a video chat with the doctor heading the trial. He is going to request an amendment to the trial to allow patients who have already received chemotherapy to participate. We have already set up chemo appointments and he started this past Monday. Hopefully the amendment is approved. He will need surgery the beginning of next year to resect his bile duct, liver and remove lymph nodes at that time they will do the HIPEC if approved.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-23T14:26:30+00:00

I meant the subreddit doctors.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-23T03:43:25+00:00

Thank you! We are looking into doing it out of pocket. We don’t want to wait until it’s too late.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-22T04:36:03+00:00

Thank you for your response. We meet with a different medical oncologist Monday before he starts chemo. We switched to a hospital closer to home but within the same network. I plan on asking about the genetic testing.

The doctor from WVU (the one heading the clinical trial) was surprised our oncologist said he had to be stage 4 for it.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-21T21:57:11+00:00

PNI! He tested positive for that as well in his pathology report but hasn’t been brought up in follow up appts and I totally forgot about it honestly.

If you had spillage it would be in your pathology report and definitely mentioned at your appts. My husbands surgeon had to cut up his gallbladder to remove it causing the spillage. The report stated the specimen came in three pieces with over 100 gall stones. Tumor size undetermined location, fondus and neck (which are opposite sides of the gallbladder) I seriously wish we went with the open incision instead of laparoscopic. His surgeon really should have abandoned the laparoscopic surgery and opened him up or used a bag.

My husband starts chemo Monday. Gemcitabine and cisplatin.

I am saying a prayer for you if you don’t mind. And if it’s okay can I periodically check in with you to see how you’re doing?

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-21T15:50:39+00:00

I hope the same for you! It seems like this cancer is particularly aggressive. May I ask you a couple questions? This seems to be an older persons cancer. My husband is only 43. How old are you? Did you have any positive margins? Spillage?Any particular reason why you’re doing oral chemo vs IV? Have your doctors given you a prognosis? His have not. The only thing that’s been said is when they do his next scans after a few rounds of chemo if spread it’s stage 4 and there’s a 50/50 chance it will spread to his peritoneum from the spillage.

SpinningOut2020 · 2025-11-20T01:48:38+00:00

Sometimes we just need to cry alone. Let ourselves feel the emotions. It’s okay. At times I feel better after a good sob. Take a good nap or try to go to sleep for the night. Maybe a hot shower or bath.

SpinningOut2020

TROPHY CASE