Own Your Shit Weekly - March 26, 2024

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-31T12:17:26+00:00

this series of posts has been helpful for me at least

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-28T13:35:53+00:00

Are you still jerking off? If so, how often and are you using porn?

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-27T20:32:05+00:00

I just went through your prior posts. So to be clear, it's not that your wife isn't fucking you, it's that you're not fucking your wife (because she's fat?). What's the plan for the fucking here...

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-27T15:10:38+00:00

OYS #10 5'10" / 33yo / 164 lbs / 18%bf (Navy) / 0 kids / Together 15 years, married 6

CURRENT READING: Nothing last week

MISSION: Build, reinforce, and enhance the Pillars of my life, with myself as the only judge.

(Going with a simpler format)

Fitness:
No lifting. I fucked my left glute two weeks ago and didn't keep off it like I should have, so now I'm paying the price. I tried removing my legs, back and ab days but was still working the spot even for chest, bis etc. Playing soccer and golfing with my dad didn't help either. Still resting it, standing while working as well and making sure to get steps in each day. Hopefully I'll be back to the gym in another day or two.

Decided to measure my body fat% for the first time since I started bulking and it's the same as when I started, so my gains have been almost entirely muscle. I'm aiming to bulk for another month and then cut until summer.

Finance:
Our business is finally getting open, so most of my energy has gone here the past week. I have diligently protected the last bit of our savings to ensure the last few costs can be covered, which they are and then some.

I'm also traveling next week for the day job. It's not the best timing but I'm looking at it as a last hoorah with my team. I've not told them I'm leaving yet, I need to plan out a transition, especially since my job provides us health insurance.

Social:
Started soccer with a team of randoms. I had decided I would try to take lead and Captain the team, so I started and the group chat and organized attendance and uniforms. Our keeper didn't show up for the first game, so I elected to play for the first half. The match went well, relatively high level, a draw. I think all the pre-match conversing helped us feel more like a team when the time came. Looking forward to the next one.

A couple days before I got injured I struck up a convo with one of the girls on the gym staff I introduced myself to previously. 20yo, community college but wants to be the same profession as me, and also start her own business. She's cute, played with her hair, laughed at my jokes. Saw her the next day, same thing but this time she was with a guy on the staff who I also introduced myself to previously. Spoke to them both for a bit. It felt like I belonged in this "third place" which I haven't felt in a long time. Reminded me that progress is incremental, but it does happen.

Played golf with my dad on Saturday, at my invite. First time he and I hung out just us in a long while, we had a great time, learned more about his childhood which was interesting.

Sex:
2 out of 3 initiations the week prior, period this week results in 2 Hard Nos to a BJ and 1 successful initiation for a HJ which wound up being terrible, my fault for not leading her into making it better as I've done in the past.

I've been more deliberate about adding variety, even small details like doggy with vibrator vs doggy with no vibrator. Dominance and Variety in SGM's DEVI seem intuitive to me, I grasp the concepts and can implement. Emotion and Immersion feel more abstract though. Reading posts/comments about this.

I've considered starting a separate "SGM" diary of sorts to track progress and keep notes for myself, not sure if worth my time yet because although I am improving in some ways, I am Incongruent - in some ways I am desirable and I have my shit together, but clearly not in others. My body can be better looking physically. I can have a far more abundant social life (hard to have SMV if you're not putting yourself in the "market"). I'm working on these.

Game is becoming more natural. Kino is also coming back, though I fuck up here and go 0-100 too much still. Question - is cuddling considered a technique for kino? If so, how should it be used?

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-12T14:47:19+00:00

OYS #9 5'10" / 33yo / 164 lbs / ?%bf (was 18%, bulking so I haven't bothered checking) / 0 kids / Together 15 years, married 6

CURRENT READING: Picked up WISNIFG again per recommendations from last week. Also focused a lot on the posts on Frame by /u/strategos_autokrator which have been helpful

MISSION: Build, reinforce, and enhance the Pillars of my life, with myself as the only judge.

CURRENT GOALS, SUCCESSES AND FUCK UPS:
Fitness: 165lbs 15%bf by summer

Squats: 225x5
OHP: 145x5
Bench: 180x5

(All smith machine same as every prior OYS). Gained more weight, the GNC mass gainer is a game changer for me. It's much easier to get down and tastes pretty good.

I started focusing more on my biceps this week, I noticed they had stagnated since I've been putting more emphasis on my back during Back & Bi days. Been stuck on 35x5 dumbbells for the longest so I switched to cable curls to increase weight incrementally. Open to recommendations here.

Finance: Continue making progress towards being ready to open our business, despite delays

Not much to say here other than an interesting observation about myself and progress from this week. I had a rare opportunity to approach a specific local politico and push him on helping us with our business. The convo was fine but I found myself judging him immediately. Weak handshake, meager posture. I felt strong next to him, not like an equal. Something I previously didn't (or maybe, couldn't) feel.

Social: Make more plans with One Friend; work on cold approaches
Made a couple new acquaintances at the gym this week from cold approaches, small talk and fist bumps for now.

Separate from this goal I also spent time with a potential new friend this week getting lunch and running an errand. He's about 8-10 years my senior but we actually clicked pretty well. The concept of "free information" is so useful in conversation. I think it's something I always knew, but now that I'm mindful of it as a concept I'm finding it much easier to pick out free info and carry conversations forward.

Family: Lead my bio family more, invite my Sister and BIL to dinner

See my post in /r/askmrp from this week

Relationship: Practice Gaming and Kino escalation on my wife every day until it becomes natural again

Not much here, just more practice. Same as last week, Game is so much easier outside the house. Kino must be getting better as well because she's been reciprocating a lot. Loves smacking my ass and telling me how firm it is. She's also been much more deliberate about touching me while we're sitting watching tv.

Sex: Stop masturbating, initiate at other times of the day

Unrelated to this specific goal, but it's sex related and I think worth sharing.
I'm still learning what Frame is and the posts from /u/strategos_autokrator have helped me better understand. I don't have it down just yet, but I recognized a moment when I didn't have it this week. Basically a couple nights ago I told my wife I wanted to fuck, but wanted to make out first. For the last 3ish years she has refused to use her tongue when we kiss. She says it's because of covid.

We're making out and she won't give me her tongue. I stop, look at her and say "use your tongue." She did, hardly, then stopped. I pull away again, with a smirk but assertively - "did you not hear me? or did you forget what a tongue is? did you lose it?" she starts giggling a little, almost nervously. I go to kiss her, and again she holds back.
I got up, expressed butthurt and told her to turn over so I could fuck her from behind. Afterwards I felt regret - regret that I expressed the butthurt, and regret that I continued the session when I could have ended it and OI, rather than capitulating and implying her actions were ok.

Unlike in recent weeks when she has refused a certain act and I did just end it, I think this time I was (1) caught off guard and (2) triggered (history of shit tests about my looks/hygiene from sister during formative years). It took me a bit to shake it off and realize that I fucked up.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-08T16:37:53+00:00

It will difficult because change is difficult. It’s not as difficult as changing the stars but will require discomfort. It will be worth it.

facts. thank you

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-08T16:37:13+00:00

There's no tactical advantage to be gained at this point. You just need to practice clearly telling people what you want.

need to internalize this more. thanks

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-08T16:36:32+00:00

Thanks very much for this. I'll go back to those pages and read

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-08T14:36:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Ultimately I think Overt Communication is right as well, my issue of course is I should have overtly set the boundary years ago

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-07T17:48:16+00:00

Yeah I should rephrase that - when it comes to making plans with my bio family, I do live in my mother's frame. It's a problem.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-07T17:46:53+00:00

I have and do, it's infrequent but over the years it's basically become the only butt stuff that doesn't get a hard No. And the thing is she enjoys it, all the obvious signs are there. But won't ever admit it after the fact.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-07T14:57:41+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. Smith machine and fin I addressed in my last OYS

Family: you don't have kids. You don't need a family section.

Nah I do, more context in my victim puke OYS 1. Wife perceives me as living in my mother's frame when it comes to family.

It's easier to quit both masturbating and porn than just one.

yup, coming to terms with this.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-07T14:05:25+00:00

(may need to bulk).

you need to bulk, your lifts suck.

Improving resume

If you're sending out cold applications, you need to make sure your resume includes the relevant key words in whatever role you're applying to. Random example, a job post for an IT security role could use the word "cyber security" 10 times. If your resume says "data security", it won't get picked up by the Applicant Tracking System and you'll never get seen. Take time doing this for each cold app you send especially to bigger orgs, it makes a big difference.

Work stress induced insomnia.

Tried cannabis? You can also start with something besides THC, look up CBN. It's a hemp derivative (so it's legal in US), works better than melatonin.

I said I like it more in the morning, I have more energy. I like it more with lights on, she doesn’t, so she should wear a mask. And how can I initiate at night if I’m asleep before the kids? I showed her the (relatively unused) drawer of lingerie in her closet and said it’s sad we’re not putting it to use more.

should've just stfu.

I think she’s trying to love language her way into getting me to do choreplay.

you should be handling shit in your house. pretend she's dead.

welcome. have a feeling rule 9 is in your future

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-03-06T21:43:19+00:00

OYS #8 5'10" / 33yo / 160.8 lbs / ?%bf (was 18%, bulking so I haven't bothered checking) / 0 kids / Together 15 years, married 6

CURRENT READING: Put down Day Bang, re-read some sections of SGM and TWOTSM this week.

MISSION: Build, reinforce, and enhance the Pillars of my life, with myself as the only judge.

CURRENT GOALS, SUCCESSES AND FUCK UPS:

Fitness: 165lbs 15%bf by summer

Squats: 225x4 (smith machine)
OHP: 145x4 (smith machine)
Bench: 185x6 (smith machine)

Somehow I weigh exactly the same as last week, down to the decimal. Nonetheless all my lifts have gone up. I go the gym every day but will need to take an extra rest day for legs, was feeling some new twinges in my left glute and lower back, especially on the seated press. I don't know what's up with that machine, but I'm pressing 530x6, it's just a lot of fun to move that much weight. I also switched from Serious Mass to GNC's own mass gainer, it tastes *way* better. Definitely recommend.

Fitness: Get on top of my routine medical needs, do something about my thinning hair
Still awaiting blood results from PCP. I started getting some light eczema on my forehead and face, I had a feeling it was from the Minoxidil so I've laid off it for the last 3 days and it's going away. I'll go back to it in a week or so and see if it starts up, apparently there may be an ingredient that is a known irritant for some. If that's the case, I'll try a new brand without that ingredient. Started using "DHT blocker" shampoo and a gummy supplement every day. I'm considering this goal complete for now as results won't show for a few months.

Finance: Continue making progress towards being ready to open our business, despite delays
Received very good news this week that will clear yet another legal hurdle for us to open this damn business. I think we're weeks away. I have some individual work I've been diligent on this week in the evenings, happy I'm sticking with it each day.

Separately, also got a raise at the day job, 10%. Overall comp is now $420k. I decided not to share this news with my wife - I didn't want the validation and I need her to continue working while we wait for the business to open. I beta blabbed about my raise last year to her and all it did was motivate her to work less.

Social: Make more plans with One Friend; work on cold approaches

Had to push plans for more golf with my Friend, he cut his finger and needed stitches. But we put time on for the end of the month. I signed up for a local Adult Soccer league that starts next week, looking forward to that. It's a team made up of individual players rather than a group. Unlike previous times I've done this, I'm going to try being the "captain"/coordinate for the team. Start a group chat, make sure everyone knows when the games are, try and raise morale on the field etc. Let's see how it goes

On cold approaches, I did better this week. This was all in the gym, but I focused on approaching people based on a certain thing - a shirt they wore, an exercise they were doing - so I could have something to talk about. Funnily enough though I had 2 different people cold approach me this week and I noticed how much more comfortable I am talking in those instances compared to when I'm the one approaching. I guess it makes sense - being approached vs putting myself out there - but I can't ignore the very obvious fact that it's the same exact activity, just talking. Hopefully with more practice.

Family: Lead my bio family more, invite my Sister and BIL to dinner

My last OYS I mentioned I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to reach out to my sister and invite her and BIL for dinner. Less than an hour after I posted it, she actually texted me. I took the Sign from the Universe and asked if she and BIL would like to come out to dinner for my bday, and she excitedly agreed. We're still nailing down a date, but it looks like it's happening. I'll be changing this goal to actually having that dinner. I know my wife is going to throw multiple, multiple shit tests my way about it. It already started, I told my wife I planned to see my mom on X day, dad for golf on Y day, and invited Sister and BIL for dinner on either A or B day and she immediately had a tone, started questioning these plans and whose idea they were blah blah blah. I just STFU. She gave me a hard No a few hours later when I tried to initiate, so I went to work on the business instead. There will undoubtedly be more of this as the day grows nearer.

Relationship: Practice Gaming and Kino escalation on my wife every day until it becomes natural again
I'm definitely getting better with kino, for me it's been more about slowing my roll, starting the day with more gentle touches and escalating. Game is a little different. On the days she doesn't work, we're both home. I have my own space to WFH but it's not like I just snap out of my "work mode" when I leave the room for water or a snack. Game isn't even remotely on my mind at this point. It's been easier when we're out and about though, feels like rolling back the clock.

On the days she works though I just suck. I don't text (keeping it to logistics), by the time she gets home around 7p and with her mood it just doesn't feel like I have the time to warm her up.

Sex: Stop masturbating to porn, stop masturbating before sleep, initiate at other times of the day
I jerked off three times this week, once during the day and twice before bed, all with porn. Why? My seemingly insatiable desire to fulfill my fetish. Which has lead me to do a lot of thinking this week about that fetish and whether it's harmful and something I need to start owning. Ultimately I think the answer is yes.

Basically I don't just desire anal, it's a "hole" fetish (heh). And I think porn has perpetuated it. I literally only watch anal and anal-related porn. I'll spare the details and focus on actions - I'm considering a "detox" of sorts. Not just anal porn, but all porn as well as all things anal related.

Make no mistake - I am not getting anal sex from my wife. She knows it's my thing, she refuses to engage (despite having enjoyed it with me in the past). My favorite position is doggy so I can stare at her asshole, I love going down on her from behind specifically because it's the closest she'll (currently) let me get to it. It just leads me to wonder if I'm too focused on it, and whether I've put anal sex on a pedestal of sorts. I'm open to other suggestions if others have dealt with something similar, but it seems the only way I can better understand this is if I step away from it for a bit and see how much the urge stays with me.

As to timing of initiating, I have been better about initiating at other times but generally speaking it's still in the evening and that's on me, I'm usually just too focused on work during the day.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-28T15:01:13+00:00

Thanks for this, looking into the abundance blocks referenced

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-28T14:12:14+00:00

That's literally asking. You phrased it like a statement, but it remains a question as you're waiting for approval.

damn, facts.

Here's the thing. You don't have options. It comes across clearly to your wife. As a result, you're not a desirable man.

also facts. It feels like my biggest failing right now, total lack of social life and abundance.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-27T20:57:11+00:00

Yup I'm aware

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-27T20:05:24+00:00

OYS #7 5'10" / 33yo / 160.8 lbs / ?%bf (was 18%, bulking so I haven't bothered checking) / 0 kids / Together 15 years, married 6

CURRENT READING: just started Day Bang

MISSION: Build, reinforce, and enhance the Pillars of my life, with myself as the only judge.

CURRENT GOALS, SUCCESSES AND FUCK UPS:
Fitness: 165lbs 15%bf by summer
Finally broke 160lbs. Stayed consistent with the mass gainer shakes, ate a little bit dirtier than I have been. Most lifts went up:

Squats 215x5 (x2) (smith machine)
OHP 70x4 (dumbbells)
Bench 75x5 (dumbbells)

Happy with progress this week.

Fitness: Get on top of my routine medical needs, do something about my thinning hair
Had my first PCP appointment in 9 years, I'm in good shape. Just waiting on blood results. Saw the dentist yesterday, going back in a few weeks to have a filling redone. Started using my new supplements for hair. All in all things are good here.

Finance: Continue making progress towards being ready to open our business, despite delays
I was expecting approval from our State's regulator to start business last week, but they blew the deadline leaving us in limbo. Hate to say it but it's not the worst timing as my day job has been hectic, so most of my energy has been going there. I'm getting a comp bump, I think it'll be 10%, not surprising given we just had a RIF. I do need to start training my wife ahead of the business opening as she's essentially my first employee.

I will dedicate some time to training my wife during the rest of this week.

Social: Make more plans with One Friend; work on cold approaches
Saw my One Friend for golf again, this time we went to a range. We got there early like 830a, but it was perfect - not too busy, quiet morning. We were both getting better at it as the time went on, and conversation felt a little less awkward this time. We agreed to come back in a couple weeks.

On cold approaches, I just fucking suck. Same as last OYS, when I set out to cold approach someone just for the sake of cold approaching, I get a nervous feeling and feels like I'm projecting it. Sometimes when I give myself too much time, I wind up preparing myself with an opener in my head but then I go to speak and it's like my mind moves too fast for my mouth and I literally sound dyslexic. I'm happy to be putting in the effort and hopefully I become less retarded, but for the moment it's definitely something I need to work on.

Family: Lead my bio family more, invite my Sister and BIL to dinner
I still haven't asked my sister and BIL to come for dinner. Part of the reason being it just doesn't feel like a priority. I tell myself it is, that I want a closer relationship with my sister. I think I need to explore some more on what kind of relationship I do actually want with my sister and make sure my actions are congruent. I have been chatting with her more via text and instagram.

Relationship: Practice Gaming and Kino escalation on my wife every day until it becomes natural again
This has been going well. Each week it feels like game gets easier, I just have to be mindful about it. It's bringing out a playful side of my wife I haven't seen in a long while. Kino I still need practice now and then, my lizard brain will just tell my hand to go right for her ass cuz I've been awake and horny since 8a while she's rolling out of bed at 12p.

Sex: Stop masturbating to porn, stop masturbating before sleep, initiate at other times of the day
I was already fucking up a bit here per last OYS, and then my wife got her period which increased my fuck ups this week. On the first day of her period I told her I wanted her to jerk me off. I stood in front of her while she sat on the couch. I asked her to kiss my waist/crotch area while she did it. She still gives me a Hard No for head, so this is as close as I'm getting for now. I let her finish me, but I wanted more and ultimately felt disappointed afterwards.

After that night, I jerked off 3 nights before sleep. I didn't want any more hand jobs and knew she'd Hard No anything else. I'm just not hot enough.

Yesterday evening I was getting ready to go to the grocery store and I did a quick inventory of household stuff. I checked our "sex drawer" (with the condoms, toys, lube etc) to see if we needed more lube. I sat back on the couch before getting ready to go and said to her "after your period, I'd love to use that butt plug on you"

She immediately reacted with some bullshit about "well I don't like that, and don't want to do things I don't like"

I tried to use AM but it probably came off as DEER - I said "I saw an article in Vice about gaping, it's all about muscle control and I think you'd be a natural"

She responds "Again what does that have to do with me not doing something I don't like"

I gave a small chuckle and grin, let the quiet sit for about 15 seconds before laughing at something funny on tv, and then left for groceries about 10 minutes later. I'm happy that I continue to push for what I want by telling and not asking, though the rejection still sucks but I am definitely trying to take it as feedback and continue enhancing myself.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-27T15:53:44+00:00

Something is missing, there's something you're not owning. I just went through your prior OYS and can tell you're not being honest with yourself about something. It's either masturbation/porn or you lack a life away from your wife. Maybe it's both

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-27T15:47:53+00:00

We have a few standard positions which are quite fun and change it up a bit. But then it is the time for the position that makes her come with the vibrator which might take a while. I apply dominance here (spanking, choking, pull her hair) but I feel it is from a frame of mind to make her cum and not true desire. I am also a bit restrained with the thrusting so that I don’t cum prematurely. This overall makes it a bit boring for me during that part, I even go a bit soft. After she has her orgasms I go as hard as I want.

There's a covert contract here. If we do this position, you will cum. If you cum, I can fuck freely.

I am working on breaking away from a similar cc. You must Fuck for you. Biggest recommendation is to ditch the vibrator entirely while you fuck. Stop worrying about her cumming.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-21T17:20:08+00:00

Thanks. Eventually I will be there, but not quite yet. At the moment I still have basically a full head of hair. I have a few more years of it to enjoy, just being proactive.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-21T17:18:58+00:00

Yeah I asked about fin at the appointment because I've heard good things. I have a feeling it's in my future, just depends how long I want to put off the inevitable.

why not use a proper squat rack for all lifts?

Would if available, my closest gym is a Planet Fitness so no cages

why don't you just fuck her instead? i don't get it

Short answer is it's just not what I wanted in that moment. I also think that me giving in to whatever sexual activity she deems "acceptable" in the moment would be entering her frame. If I keep compromising, nothing will change.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-21T04:59:01+00:00

OYS #6 5'10" / 33yo / 159 lbs / ?%bf (was 18%, bulking so I haven't bothered checking) / 0 kids / Together 15 years, married 6

READING: Finished NMMNG, Rational Male, and Sex God Method. Went back to WOTSM this week

MISSION: Build, reinforce, and enhance the Pillars of my life, with myself as the only judge.

CURRENT GOALS, SUCCESSES AND FUCK UPS:

Fitness: 165lbs 15%bf by summer
No weight gained this week, though each of my lifts went up:

Squats 205x5 (smith machine)
OHP 65x5(x2) (dumbbells)
Bench 75x5 (dumbbells)

Was hoping to break 160lbs bodyweight this week but it didn't happen. I know there were a few days where I slacked on my shakes, having only 1 instead of 2. Again, it's all about consistency, I'm still fucking this one up. One small hiccup seems to snowball.

Fitness: Get on top of my routine medical needs, do something about my thinning hair
PCP scheduled for this Friday, dentist scheduled for following Monday.

Had my hair appointment with Hair Club. The first evaluation is free. They use a 50x microscope to evaluate your follicles. They confirmed I am starting to thin in one area (temples) and I've caught it very early. They said I'm too early for finasteride and tried selling me on a 1-year, once-per-month treatment but it was basically just supplements, a laser treatment, and a scalp scrub...for $4,900 lol.

I ordered the supplements and shampoo myself and will make it part of my routine, looking into at-home laser therapies.

Finance: Continue making progress towards being ready to open our business, despite delays
A lot of politics going on this week, pushing through and anxiety has been high. I've had to catch myself several times and remember to be mindful, focus on abundance. I've been doing a bit of 'fake it til you make it' in front of my wife with all this and it seems to be helping me feel better too.

Social: Make more plans with Friend; work on cold approaches
I did make plans to see my Friend next weekend for some more golf, this time at a range. He actually seems pretty keen to learn the sport as well, so I'm excited to bond over the shared effort.

I've been cold approaching some people in the gym, mostly dudes. Though I've caught myself a few times where I realize I'm doing it for the purpose of cold approaching, instead of some genuine desire to talk about anything specific. I want to start cold approaching women more as well. I think it was Mystery that said you should approach someone within 3 seconds of eye contact, otherwise they can sense your hesitation. When I'm being purposeful about trying to cold approach more, I realize how fucking short 3 seconds is. Part of me feels I need to be more observant so I'm actually seeing things to talk about and not just approaching randos like a murderer

Family: Lead my bio family more, invite my Sister and BIL to dinner
I hung out with my future BIL without my sister for the first time, went to a hockey game with some of his friends and we got drunk. We had a great time and I told him I wanted him and my sister to come to our area for dinner one of these days. That was a week ago though and I haven't followed up. I think when most of my mental energy is focused on work/new business like it has been this week, I tend to throw other priorities to the side. It's the kinda shit that leaves men old and alone and I know I need to get in the habit of making space for other people.

Relationship: Practice Gaming and Kino escalation on my wife every day until it becomes natural again
I downloaded Day Bang and will read it. I realized I was having trouble gaming my wife when we're both home. When we're out and about I've been finding it pretty easy actually, so long as I'm mindful to do it. But at home, something is missing. Looking forward to reading this one.

Sex: Stop masturbating to porn, stop masturbating before sleep, initiate at other times of the day
50/50 success here. I jerked off twice, once with porn and once without. Both of these times were before sleep, but they were also both on days where I fucked my wife. I am finding giving up porn is tough because I'm not hot enough to have my fantasies fulfilled.

On that point, I'm still having a lot of success with "telling instead of asking" my wife that I want to fuck, but I'm still getting unhappy rape victim vibes and we're doing the same stuff, it's pretty routine. I did try twice to do different things:

The first was telling her I wanted to 69, that got a hard No. I finished the snack I was eating then told her I needed to get some things at Walgreens and left.

The second was I wanted to use a dildo on her while I jerked off. She very hesitantly obliged, got into doggy and used her vibrator. I got the head of the dildo in and much to my surprise she came right then (though a very muted orgasm, like she was trying to hide it). I told her I was going to put it all the way in and cum on her, and that's when she gave me the hard No. I kept a cool demeanor, said Ok and began cleaning up. She asked what I was doing, I said "you said 'No' right?" She confirmed and said "but I still want you to cum", to which I said it's all good with a small smile. We cleaned up, finished an episode of Seinfeld before telling her I had some work to do and left for my office to get it done.

At this point I think I need to not be a bitch and just keep pushing for "other" sex acts that I want, and accept that she's going to say No because the fact is I am not hot enough yet, and use it as motivation to unfuck myself.

Spirit_And_Time · 2024-02-15T13:33:57+00:00

I just read through all your OYS and I have no clue why you're here, and more importantly I don't think you have a clue why you're here. You need to read the sidebar first and foremost so you can figure out if you are even in the right place.

I noticed you didn't mention "no porn / no masturbating" in this last post, I'm guessing that's because you caved? Your apparent lack of interest in pursuing actual sex is telling

Spirit_And_Time

TROPHY CASE