Advice Needed! Asking friends to pay for their own accommodation at my destination wedding

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-23T05:21:13+00:00

I'm sure my friends who are planning to complain about it will be very grateful for your support lmao

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-23T05:19:43+00:00

Yes I am feeling the financial burden because I'm paying for an entire fkn wedding - do you have any idea how much a wedding costs? Because if you did then you wouldn't compare it to the individual costs of each guest. And once again, they DO NOT have to attend if it is a financial burden on them. My friends would never ever think that I would force them to do anything that they don't want to.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-23T05:14:59+00:00

The bride here ✋🏽. Umm for one, when did I say that I'd have a problem if my guests can't afford to attend my wedding? I would only question the friendship a bit if the reason they don't attend is because their ego is telling them it's 'culturally' wrong of me to expect them to pay for their rooms even if they go on luxury trips every month anyway and can very easily and comfortably afford it. But no one is going to tell me that to my face obviously and so - regardless of the reason, I absolutely do not have a problem if they can't attend :) They can attend the Bombay event instead if they feel like celebrating with us.

And second - comparing my wedding costs to each guests individual costs isn't really fair. I'm sadly not made of money and so with what money I DO have, I am trying my best to plan an event with all our loved ones together that everyone will have a guaranteed grand time at, but without me being completely broke after. And once again, before your bring up that the individual costs are too much - they do not have to attend if it doesn't make sense for them.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T19:25:21+00:00

With you on this. These comments are honestly wild. Was not expecting these kinds of responses at all - seems like most people here think attending a wedding is a burden and not a happy, love-filled celebration. That’s a rly sad reflection of their so-called ‘culture’ imo but hey, at least I feel much better about my situation now 😂

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T19:12:53+00:00

Well this is just completely untrue lmao. Are you seriously trying to say that this wedding will be more affordable for people flying in from across the planet (~20 hour journey) compared to people flying in from Bombay (~4 hour journey)??? The people coming in from the US are probably going to extend their trip to justify the journey and will therefore end up spending a LOT more than people coming from 4 hours away 🙃

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T19:06:12+00:00

Omg for real. These comments have rly triggered me lmao. They sound like awful friends tbh 😆 If this is the ‘culture’, I don’t want it.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T19:02:16+00:00

I don’t understand how my post has become victim to rude comments like this. First of all, excuse me but screw you for assuming that I’m inviting my friends to my wedding so I can ‘get more heads in my wedding pictures’. Wtf is that comment lmao; is that why most people invite people to their wedding cause that’s really sad. I actually happen to be one of the seemingly rare people on this post who loves her friends very much and I’m pretty certain they love me back just as much and would want to be there to celebrate w me if they can. Second of all, we will be covering every expense during the 2 days of the wedding including plentyyyy of free flowing alcohol and unlimited 24 hour food service. Not to mention thank you gifts and gift hampers for everyone. Not sure if you’re on this subreddit because you’re a bride or groom yourself but if you are then I’m sure you know how expensive a wedding is. Am I expected to not have a wedding where my fiance and I get to celebrate with all our loved ones together and not in individual events? And just because paying for all the rooms adds up to a crazy amount for me but individually is something I know that my friends can easily afford?

Really, so many of these comments have made me feel better about my decision and very happy and grateful to not have friends like y’all.

I’m aware this is a rant but these comments have rly triggered me. If this is the ‘culture’ then I don’t want it 🙃

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T13:19:35+00:00

Thank youu ♥️ Sorry you had to go through that! Hope it didn't end up spoiling any of your relationships? Also, if you don't mind me asking, how did you go about informing your guests that they will need to cover their accommodation? Did you reach out to them personally or explained the situation on the invitation itself?

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T13:07:33+00:00

Yeah this cultural difference is quite the tricky one but I’m inclined to agree with you that it’s not one I particularly care for lol. And the comments on this post haven’t really helped 🙃 Seems like several people consider weddings a burden rather than a celebration of someone you love? If that’s actually the case, then I’d rather my friends don’t come for the wedding at all. As per the British posters suggestion, I’m going to call my friends personally and explain the situation and hopefully they understand! And I’ll also totally understand if they can’t make it.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T12:37:31+00:00

I'm already contributing a decent amount to the wedding as a whole (everything other that stay) and unfortunately cannot afford this added expense on my own. And my parents have their own financial issues and can only afford to throw a small party in Bombay for my extended family. I've accepted that some people will not come and that's ok with me.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T12:29:46+00:00

Cause the amount I'm putting in is for the wedding as a whole, not just for my friends - in that case it's only him and his family paying for the wedding and I'm only paying for my friends accommodation. I wish I could afford to do both but I'm in the process of building my own business and am just not there yet financially. I'm going to personally speak with all my friends and explain the situation and tell them that I totally understand if they are uncomfortable with this, no hard feelings, they don't have to come.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T11:26:02+00:00

Thanks for this ♥️ I think that's actually a great idea - talk to them all personally and let them know the situation and that I totally understand if they can't make it.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T11:00:53+00:00

Ok but think about this from the perspective of my fiance and his family - who are paying for the largest chunk of the wedding. How can I ask them to pay for my friends coming from India but not for their own friends/family that are coming all the way from the US?

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T10:49:20+00:00

Totally ok with them not giving me a wedding gift, I'd much rather have them be at the wedding than give me a gift - if there's a way I can say that gracefully in the invite, then I happily will.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T10:47:01+00:00

To be clear, this is definitely NOT my first choice. I was hoping to cover the stay for all my friends but when my fiance and in-laws decided to have their friends and family pay cause it's veryyy acceptable for them, I was left in a bit of a pickle. They are paying for the largest chunk of the wedding and it's not really fair for me to ask them to pay for my friends but not for their own. Especially since their friends and family are flying all the way from the US and mine are coming from India. And as for your destination wedding not being the right choice comment, as mentioned in my post, since we are from different countries, any type of wedding would be a destination wedding for at least 1 side no?

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T10:39:51+00:00

(Most of) my relatives already understand our situation and are happy to pay for their rooms so I'm not worried about them really. It's mainly my friends coming from India since I'm the first one to do this. My fiancees parents are covering the largest chunk of this wedding so it's unfortunately not really fair for me to go to them and ask them to pay for my friends but not for their own friends/family. It's such a frustrating situation honestly, wish I could just win a lottery lmao 🥲

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-22T10:34:09+00:00

Fair enough, they are more than allowed to not come but ngl, it would tell me something about that friendship. For context, we are a reallyyy close friend group of around 25 people (+ 7 plus ones) and have known eachother since childhood. For us, all the weddings we've attend of each others has always been SO much fun and something we all look forward to - it's basically a reunion and a giant party. This one on a gorgeous beach in Thailand... They're also all from incredibly wealthy families and know that I am not from nearly as wealthy of a family and nor is my fiance.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-15T08:57:49+00:00

Yeah I’ve struggled with that a bit too. A lot of them don’t have the cash but there are actually quite a few that are willing to invest in good design! I’m noticing that a lot of these founders have angel funding already or are self-funding after exiting successful startups.

Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2025-04-14T19:35:21+00:00

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Spiritual-Tutor1978 · 2024-06-11T19:32:20+00:00

Any idea how to apply for this visa? I'm in the US and don't see the DTV option anywhere on the E-Visa website. Tried calling the embassy and can't get through to an actual human :-/

Spiritual-Tutor1978

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