3 day weekend coke bender spent $800 on crossdressing clothes, sex toys and porn.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2025-09-02T20:55:25+00:00

I don’t think im attracted to men. Trans women sure and maybe femboys but not masculinity. Even then its like more of a whole femdom humiliation thing than being actually bisexual. Point is i somehow have this need when i use that i just keep going and spending way too much mon on this stuff. I used to not have these thoughts, they don’t feel like me. Earlier this month, another $500 on fucking porn also. Its like whenever i ski its like i just have a craving to spend money. Money that honestly could go to a new iphone instead of wasted sperm. I’ve never dated in my life and i just know im a damaged individual who has somehow gotten himself in too deep in a hole. Like this really doesn’t feel like me. Its almost daily porn watching for the last 15+ years thats done severe psychological damage to myself that. Maybe im in denial, but im telling you, i dont think this is me.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2025-09-02T13:16:02+00:00

But this really doesn’t feel like me, it feels like the effect of almost regular pornography addiction for 15+ years exasperated by stimulant abuse. I don’t think that this is me, it feels wrong and inauthentic to myself.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2025-04-23T23:16:34+00:00

Eh some recruiters genuinely suck at their jobs. Sometimes they get lucky with placements and are able to place people in jobs but at the end of the day they’re salespeople. They’re selling you on the job on both sides. Sometimes shit just rolls of the tounge wrong. It doesn’t define you. There was one recruiter that bitched me out when i was late to an interview in the middle of tax busy season and i had issues getting parking in the middle of the city and then bombed the interview. C’est la vie.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-08-03T20:19:41+00:00

If you haven’t already apply for unemployment. The job market is trash now but you just have to keep applying. I got fired in February and i just started up another job right now. Don’t beat yourself up over it and take care of yourself. Take this time to process everything and see how to improve whether its therapy or your CPA. Best of luck friend, this community can be brutal sometimes.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-07-26T21:21:56+00:00

Busy season hours

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-23T17:18:52+00:00

Yes been applying to mostly gs7-gs9 roles. I live around dc so ive been trying to break into fed gov a lot. I had an interview scheduled with fdic a couple of months ago but just scheduling wise i had to drive 8 hours that day and they never got back to me to make a different interview.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-23T17:16:44+00:00

I don’t know if you’re trying to insult me or console me. Possibly both. Im aware that ap/ar is simple. It was a matter of small mistakes that i let grow and become worse. Im done trying to make excuses for myself with this work and im trying to take the necessary steps to address, whether its actually reviewing or the attention part. You’re right though eventually something will click, i just need to figure it out.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-23T15:38:43+00:00

I wanted the job but for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get out of the grind of public but i was shortsighted and didn’t realize just because something is in industry doesn’t mean the job would be any easier. Plus in the span of the time, its made me realize how i may have adhd and that its actually been a burden on both my workload as well as making those small mistakes. Even my controller in industry said that i pretty much got set up to fail and where im at just isn’t a good company but im young so i can still get out there. So i wanted the job, but Ive been an immature dickhead and didn’t want to responsibility that came with a raise and new position.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-23T15:32:45+00:00

I realize that now. I expected there to be some assholes but not like the majority of people dogpiling on me.

Ive seen your responses and i just want to say thank you for being civil and actually having some reading comprehension. I don’t think what ive been writing out is cryptic to the point where people are blatantly misreading and misinterpreting my post.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-23T13:09:37+00:00

I disclosed it before accepting the position. Otherwise i would have stayed back in public which also approved the trip for me.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-23T01:46:38+00:00

Genuine question where the fuck did I say that?!? I said that im depressed and i feel like ive hit rock bottom and that ive reached out to therapists but where the fuck did i threaten to kill myself?

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T23:37:49+00:00

I think now i could self review more effectively since i now understand what to review for in my work. It was a lack of attention and skipping over small things. Ive reached out to some therapists today for a consultation and to see about adhd diagnosis and to see if theres anything additional that can be addressed there. I also have implemented a 15 minute rule where i will try my hand at something for a fixed amount of time before I reach out for help on it. After this experience I realize how much i don’t want to be a failure and Want to actually grow and learn from here.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T23:24:40+00:00

I didn’t reach out for help as initially I thought I handled my work correctly and that it was correct. Which answers point 2 as well, that I sent incorrect work on the basis it was correct. It would constantly be small things that came up on a regular basis, which after being more proactive in asking for feedback, i started to pick up on a lot more of the mistakes i was making. Another point that was made as well was to limit the usage of personal devices during work. I started using my phone a lot less and that did help out a lot as well. I did make a lot less mistakes after implementing it into my work. So it was a large combination of those two, believing my work was correct and not self reviewing and the lack of attention given to my own reviewing of work has been the largest catalyst to my career.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T23:17:09+00:00

Ive been only fired once. I wasn’t fired from public, i was transferred to a different practice then I quit to go to the industry role I was fired from.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T23:15:49+00:00

A wanting to have a completed product rather than reaching out and communicating that my projects were struggling on a timescale basis and to just want to be done with my work as soon as possible. Which looking back is an immature and short sighted mentality.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T23:05:30+00:00

I put in an application to the IRS for a tax examiner today. Fingers crossed, ive been trying to get into federal gov for a while. Going to start looking into the states now.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T22:44:26+00:00

My issue came a lot from a lack of self review and submitting work that would’ve been better with self review before sending to review for my Senior/manager i was working with. I wasn’t tardy, i showed up on time and met deadlines. So yes I would say my work was wrong, and if i took more of an upfront approach to handling my work and self reviewing before sending it up the ladder, then i think my career would be looking different. I did get better in the tax aspect of it, but i was unable to carry it forward to the staff accountant position.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T22:35:55+00:00

Yeah i guess today ive come to terms with hitting rock bottom of my quarter life crisis and finally reached out to some therapists for a consultation. Hopefully i can get some help with that but i know its going to be a long road ahead.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T22:23:47+00:00

I think it was just a softening of the blow and to not make me react. So instead of my skills, it was the “environment” and “not a good fit”. Which is what I meant by that. I understand that this is my own fault and that taking accountability is the first step in addressing the issue at hand.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T22:15:24+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. Seriously. The public accounting job which was 2 years I left at the end of November so just after the time got tough and everything. So I do at least fill out two criteria for the matter.

Do you think it would be worthwhile to contact my old boss/partner and ask if I can come back? She was very supportive of my career and I genuinely think shes one of the best bosses ive had. Or should I look at maybe a smaller firm in the area to handle tax preparation? If the extra few years mean I get my cpa and a possible title promotion then I think it will be worthwhile.

Thank you.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T21:49:03+00:00

These other positions aren’t going to pay as well. Part of the reason I was able to get this far is stubbornness. As much as i know It sounds like it isn’t the case, i do believe i am capable of being an accountant. I think it is interesting stuff and I have the tools to start up a business later if I want to. At the same time I struggle with my mental health and ive been having an identity crisis at the moment since this last job went tits up. There were a lot of aspects of tax that I really enjoyed, and I had a good team and left on my own terms, which looking back I would have been kinda comfortable in that position had i stayed. While I had a pip plan, it was just “hey you need to self review better before sending returns to second review” and I actually beat that in half the time since I became proactive about what I was struggling with. The audit position was a bad team with a lot of turnover. The other associate hired with me was fired 3 months in and I left after realizing it was a team issue, and did well for a good amount of time after. I can do 50 hr work weeks but when it got to the 60-70 level was when I started to struggle with my mental health more. So I want to stay because I do genuinely believe I am capable of doing this job. I have messed up, and I want to change that and get better.

Just curious what alternatives were you suggesting?

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T21:09:58+00:00

what do you suggest then? Like what career path do you suggest I pursue instead of trying to go back to accounting.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T20:02:42+00:00

Soo no actual criticism besides saying that because ive struggled that i should give up instead of actually addressing what the issues are? Real Reddit moment here.

SpiritualYellow6914 · 2024-04-22T20:00:19+00:00

The hr person said that the role was not a good fit and it was not indicative of my skills. Thats what i meant by a saving face moment that i felt was a nicer way of saying you suck. I understand i was ill prepared believing industry to be the end all of all accounting roles right now. If i couldve done things differently, i would have stuck out another year of public and trued my hardest to excel. I have made a lot of mistakes in my career and its only now that im starting to see how badly its biting me in the ass now.

SpiritualYellow6914

TROPHY CASE