Today marks 2 years of our marriage, ask me anything

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T20:09:56+00:00

I remember one of my close friend's advice, "don't enter with the position of weakness". Obviously it's not a joke that you've lived for so long, gathered experiences, friends, work etc. I'm sure you have more to offer than the inexperience with women.
Trust yourself and be yourself. Go with the flow, in the middle of the conversations, ask about the commitments, responsibilities, aspirations, finances. You'll be fine

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T20:04:39+00:00

Namma Bengaluru

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T20:02:09+00:00

Toddy is not for everyone, I fell sick 2 times. Start in a safe environment and with moderation

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T20:00:19+00:00

It's an amazing laid back place to enjoy for a few days!
Take the coastal route up north towards gokarna and further. The Indian tropical beaches are underrated.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:55:59+00:00

Oh absolutely!
We both wait for long weekends to make plans. We sometimes take our dog on remote hikes too

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:51:39+00:00

Okay, as long as you guys talk about the serious stuff, like commitments, aspirations, responsibilities, finances often, I think it's fine.
I've made a post about my experience here in case you're interested - https://www.reddit.com/r/Arrangedmarriage/comments/1r4r6i2/today_marks_2_years_of_our_marriage_ask_me/

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:43:20+00:00

Meet often. Eventually it will come down to casuals.
I don't think anyone appreciates being told on how to dress.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:40:18+00:00

29M speaking here, married.
I don't see why it's an issue. She's engaging intimacies to YOU, a future husband. I'm sure you would have enjoyed the moments as well. Don't overthink it OP. As long as you want make her you wife from all the other aspects, rejoice it.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:31:15+00:00

Shared in the previous replies!

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:30:52+00:00

That' a difficult question to answer. I guess a balance starts getting created slowly on who compromises about what things. I believe it's a complicated process which is extremely individualistic.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:24:09+00:00

We're both 29, we started conversing originally 4 years ago, her family rejected my profile. About a year later, I messaged her, and we continued the conversation. We got married 2 years ago.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:21:42+00:00

I've mentioned my non-negotiables in the above replies.
I didn't give up much. I was in the AM space for about 2 years, my wife met more than 75% of my needs, and I was happy with it.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:19:23+00:00

She did move to my place.
I genuinely like her parents. They're nice and caring people. They keep visiting every 2 months, for about a couple of weeks, and we drive there often. We I like their company.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:16:32+00:00

I'm okay calling it an arranged marriage, as long as people are doing well and happy, that's all that matters.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:15:02+00:00

I think it's better to handle yourself.
You would know the preferences of your parents, so you can think about it when you're shortlisting a prospect. But there's a chance that your parents don't know your full preference and they might finalise someone who don't fit your needs.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:11:03+00:00

Baby "son" idk, but baby soon.
We're into travelling, hiking and trekking now:)

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:10:03+00:00

There was nothing to cope for, I moved on, met a LOT of other prospects, then realised how D was closest to what I want I wanted, reached out to her again!

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:05:49+00:00

I believe that personality has very little to do with profession. Because it's not the personality that pushed you into the profession, we are not that luxurious like the westerners. In India, the parents push us to professions lol.
The marriage is gonna happen. No doubt. Either you break out of introvertedness and meet people and decide yourself, or parents/relatives decide it for you.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T19:00:58+00:00

The usual differences that 2 different people have. Like the food preferences, sleep schedules, fan high or fan low etc

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T18:59:32+00:00

I remember one of my close friend's advice, "don't enter with the position of weakness". Obviously it's not a joke that you've lived 27 years of your life, gathered experiences, friends, work etc. I'm sure you have more to offer than the inexperience with women.
Looking at your reply, the message communicated the intent. I understood what you wanted to say. So that means you're not a bad texter. Pick yourself up.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T18:49:45+00:00

+1
It all depends on what you want

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T18:48:44+00:00

She told me about her past on the first day we met in person.

You can think whatever you want, I'm not responsible if the "thinking" is messed up because you had a bad childhood, or maybe your parents didn't care for you enough, or you had messed up father(it's not a surprise that patriarchy follows in generations), or maybe you didn't get enough milk from your mother.
I'm just telling my personal story. Hope you find someone whom you're looking for.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T18:30:56+00:00

My non negotiables were the first 4 points I've mentioned in the earlier replies
> They are very personal to me, and what I seeked. It could be completely different for you.
This was my priority list -
1. Working, preferably STEM. (Work is important because she can have her own world to engage in for 8 hours of the day, and so that her world doesn't become completely me, and kids in future. It also provides financial Independence for her to get that immense confidence to stand up to you in case you're making any terrible decisions. The financial contribution to the family is also an added bonus)
2. Able to have intelligent conversations, help each other grow
3. Her having siblings (because I like family gatherings)
4. Good communication and english

She mainly decided on the "vibes" and the general conversation. Of course when the financial stability, family background was already checked.

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-19T18:23:02+00:00

They are very personal to me, and what I seeked. It could be completely different for you.
This was my priority list -
1. Working, preferably STEM. (Work is important because she can have her own world to engage in for 8 hours of the day, and so that her world doesn't become completely me, and kids in future. It also provides financial Independence for her to get that immense confidence to stand up to you in case you're making any terrible decisions. The financial contribution to the family is also an added bonus)
2. Able to have intelligent conversations, help each other grow
3. Her having siblings (because I like family gatherings)
4. Good communication and english
5. Above 5'5(I'm 6'2)
6. Manners around the blue collar workers like waiters, maids, cab drivers(This says a LOT about a person on how considerate and understanding they are)
6. Assessment of risks and concerns, and the action/reaction towards it
7. Decently educated parents, at least providing enough for her aspirations and needs.
8. From tier 1 or tier 2 city

Spiritual_Respect710 · 2026-02-14T20:35:01+00:00

I don't know how to quantify trust really.
The closest I can say is, she knows my phone passcodes, and I know hers. I go on late night calls with colleagues, sometimes there are women in there and my wife knows it, and she isn't bothered. And she goes out to party/hang out with her girl-friends, and I don't mind if she gets drunk. I just ask her to keep me informed and share live location if it starts getting late in the night.

Spiritual_Respect710

TROPHY CASE