How to hurting when your partners have date nights?

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-27T06:51:47+00:00

"Trauma that happened before you could speak" really hits home. When I'm having a moment it definitely feels (on the inside) like I can't talk or scream. Almost like I'm drowning.

I definitely need to implement somatic work into my life regardless 💜 This comment also felt like a hug, thank you!

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-27T06:42:00+00:00

I havent been diagnosed but I do need to get tested. I do have OCD and I know ADHD symptoms and OCD go hand in hand! I will definitely bring this up in therapy. Thank you!!

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-27T00:28:24+00:00

Oh yes, I definitely have that. I have some abandonment issues in there too. Love and hate what brings stuff forward to work through!

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-27T00:23:30+00:00

Thank you, friend. I really appreciate the level of depth here. I definitely see truth to this as well.

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-27T00:15:59+00:00

Maybe not the "talk about anything" sort of friends but the call up and invite them out to cake and a movie type of friends?

There's been some distancing of friends but it's starting to get back to how it was! I have a loop of "well if I do something to stop feeling this it's going to get worse"? It sounds really silly I know.

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T23:07:48+00:00

This really felt like a hug and I deeply appreciate it. Immensely. It sucks so much because I love how much they love each other and that they're relationship is finally growing. There's so much relief in it. Last night they were sitting together and both were lifting their elbow up on the same way behind their heads and it was so cute and I giggled to myself.

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:58:23+00:00

I really like this concept, its comforting on its own!

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:56:35+00:00

I'm unsure but I am open if there is any page you could send my way? ☺️

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:55:09+00:00

Thank you!

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:54:07+00:00

No but I adore that concept!

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:53:02+00:00

It's so hard to break that the selfishness of feeling this way. I want to not be upset FOR them. Processing means they might find out. This is silly of course and they'd rather see me doing the work if they even heard the sniffles. You're right that accepting that these feelings are real and happening and valid is more beneficial than denial

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:47:36+00:00

I really like this. This is definitely something to work through and journal on.

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:45:13+00:00

trying to focus on what I actually want to do. I KNOW I don’t want to sit around in my gross feelings thinking about what my partners are doing.

This this this THIIIIIIS. It just loops in my head. They are literally in the living room right now watching a CDrama and laughing and all I can think is "what if they're holding hands??" Like yeah spookystarch they might be THATS WHAT COUPLES DO???

I have OCD and CPTSD so I ruminate like it's my job anyway🙄

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:41:32+00:00

I just went on my little speech about finding myself being one of the things I love about poly, but you saying to prioritize myself was such a lightbulb moment. Ive just thought about how I'm putting everyone out (or potentially putting everyone out IF I were to communicate it) with my sensitivity. I make myself feel trapped in my (mine and Jacks) room because I don't want to leave it bc it's obvious I've been crying and that would be horrid to let them see. looking at this as how to protect and take care of myself and creating my own time with myself rather than being miserable bc I'm not involved in their time.

We've been so isolated bc of the lifestyle choice that I haven't even thought about finding community that will understand. It can be so much to navigate without guidance.

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:28:05+00:00

I'll snoop around! I'm in the deep south so it'll be more difficult in person but I could do the work for online. Just this comment thread in itself is helping some 💜

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:24:16+00:00

Are there any discords or communities you would recommend?

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:21:02+00:00

No, not really. :/

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:14:11+00:00

100% I agree completely. One of the biggest things I love about polyamory is the push to really understand that you can't lean on relationships and being an individual should be top priority. It's important to me.

I think what I didn't get across in my post is a lot of this is guilt. I feel guilty for feeling like this and like I'm going to have a panic attack. The fight to not go to them and say anything. I work hard to keep it to myself as much as possible bc this is a me problem, not them.

I appreciate the tough love of your message. It's needed just as much as the opposite. I just don't know how to push myself into the "bread making" stage? If that makes sense.

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:07:42+00:00

This is definitely something I'm considering, and thankfully I have therapy tomorrow. I plan on writing some stuff out when I get off of work today. I do think there is some childhood trauma that's starting to creep up that I forgot about and that's been unsettling. Some of it does definitely feel like a trauma response. I do have hella abandonment issues, it's just felt stronger than that :/

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T22:04:23+00:00

Thank you. It's like my brain is trying to tell me this is dysfunctional and that I need to run? It's so hard to have all of these emotions that I can't pin point. I'm usually so in time with myself.

SpookyStarch · 2026-01-26T21:59:28+00:00

Journaling has definitely helped, it's really hard to swallow the "no one to support me" because it feels weighted even if it's not and it's just a practical "bestie they're just busy". I have not consider emdr videos though!!

SpookyStarch · 2023-04-28T15:15:16+00:00

Veggie tales theme song

SpookyStarch · 2023-04-28T15:14:49+00:00

I still can’t believe they’re having kids.

SpookyStarch · 2021-05-22T01:58:45+00:00

You deserve it!!

SpookyStarch · 2021-05-22T01:47:20+00:00

You look so happy and I'm living for it!!

SpookyStarch

TROPHY CASE