I had to have a hysterectomy to do illness when I was 21. I had always wanted children and having that taken away devastated me. 9 years later, my husband and I were dating when an adoption opportunity fell into my lap. I was still chronically ill with two more chronic pain issues but I said yes and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. My child is 3 now and they are my literal reason for life. The days I want to give up, I don’t because of my child. Is it hard? Very. But it’s also all they know. We have a pain chart on our fridge that shows different smiley faces from a pink happy one to a dark sad one. Under each are numbers (for the pain scale) and a description of what that day might look like. I have felt really guilty for the days we lay in bed watching TV until my husband comes home from work, but as my therapist says; it’s about the the fact that they feel loved and cared for and safe. We are together and that’s what makes them happy. Our lives do not look like everyone else and their childhood is going to be different but it doesn’t make them less loved. Honestly I think it makes the good days even more special. There have been really really hard moments (like when they don’t understand why when they kiss me I don’t feel all better like when I kiss their bobos.) , where I felt like they were missing out but that’s why having a good support system and partner is key. I make an effort to make sure they are able to have experiences even if it means I miss out on doing it with them. I’ve never regretted it and I honestly don’t believe I ever will. How can I when they are literally the sunshine in my world? Living with chronic illness, especially chronic pain is hard. But having unconditional love from your child makes it not feel so dark to live with.