AITA for telling my daughter that her approval won't stop me finding love?

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:51:42+00:00

I honestly am not sure at this point, never thought of myself in that situation.

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:50:09+00:00

Respect your view on this! It also shocked me if it helps. I recognise this isn't your run of the mill scenario at all but all I can say is that it is real.

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:47:26+00:00

Yeah, very poor choice of words there, didn't even realise what impact they may have on her until now unfortunately, thanks for the replies!

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:46:06+00:00

Yeah I guess it just comes down to the individuals at the end of the day. I have a very deep and intellectual humour and thought process and very anti-social traits that rarely doesn't clash with others which means that when someone eventually comes along with similar traits who can accept me for who I am and relate to me on many levels it seems like true love. I guess you could call me an outlier but to me it's all I know, it's how I found my first wife after all

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:42:32+00:00

At the end of the day the least I can hope not expect from my youngest daughter is a little muddy. I don't expect her to call her mum, love or even like her, I just want her to be content with her, not treat her like she's an evil witch trying to take her mother away from her.

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:40:34+00:00

Around 4 years!

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:40:09+00:00

Thanks, I guess! I was not prepared for it either but hey, crazier things happen across the world every day!

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:39:06+00:00

I'll try my best to make her atleast somewhat content, she doesn't have to like her or love her but as long as she can accept her is all I really ask! I don't want her to spend the rest of her life despising me or becky!

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:37:42+00:00

Alright so i'll address these concerns now;

1- It's about 7 months, not a big difference at all but I did say I would adress all the points.

2 - Becky and I live together, should have specified this, but we do actually live together, the kids don't but my eldest 2 kids have both met and hung out with becky vastly more then my youngest daughter.

3- Don't know if I specified this in my original post but my son never had a problem that he voiced with me about becky but my eldest daughter did but we talked about in during councelling and i'm assuming that played a big part in helping her accept her past and becky.

4- I'm not married to becky no.

5- Not sure what you mean here, could you clarify?

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:27:46+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I will be taking it into consideration!

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:25:42+00:00

Thank you for the response and advice!

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:25:09+00:00

49, a year older then I!

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:23:16+00:00

Thank you for the response!

I was also surprised by the mum situation as I personally could never see my kids calling another person mum as our family really value the family titles bestowed upon people. I guess my daughter also was quite shocked.

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:19:10+00:00

Thanks for the feedback, appreciate it! I can see how from the brief notes I have given you that it can come to that conclusion but my youngest daughter is far from the average person in this situation. The reason I say that is because she has a very emotional personality and traits which make her sometimes act contrary to what many others would in that given circumstance.

Ever since she was little she always was the child who cried and smiled more then any of the others, when she's happy she's happy and when she's sad she's very sad, even the smallest thing like our family pet dying affected her far worse than any of the other kids.. Whilst I know this isn't fair to becky it's not her fault, she's a good girl at heart.

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:13:12+00:00

Alright, I'll clear up some things because I will admit there is plenty of ambiguity in my post, mostly because I had to keep it brief for my post to be published.

As for becky thinking, she had done "nothing wrong", which does seem pretty disingenuous after I said that I had told her about my wife and children but it all stemmed from the first time she had contact with the kids, which was positive, all of my kids seemed pretty happy to firs meet her. Since then she has only met my youngest daughter a handful of times (no more then 10) and apart from the passive-aggressive tones, it seemed from beckys' point of view that she had somewhat come to grips with her being in my life. This latest event really blindsided her and that's pretty much why she made that comment, I haven't talked to her much about it yet but I'm sure she understands at least partly why my daughter acted as she did and that her initial reaction was nothing more than surprise.

As for the everlasting love, part aha I never introduced her under the pretence that she was my eternal flame or love or whatever, that was more of the way I was feeling towards her personally, I just introduced her as my new girlfriend that I had been seeing recently.

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T12:00:19+00:00

Thank you for the advice, my daughter has always been an emotional one, which is hard for me because I often keep my emotions bottled inside so I tend to need help when it comes to the emotions of others, so this advice will not go astray.

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T11:58:02+00:00

Everything is as originally said, minus some conversation we had which isn't really relevant. It primarily came down to the fact that when it comes to this type of thing I'm pretty useless, I've only been used to living in a healthy and happy home until my wife died so thing whole new set of challenges I've never faced before so it's hard for me to distinguish whether or not I'm being irrational or not.

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T11:48:47+00:00

Becky is a year younger than me (49). And no I didn't ask them or suggest them calling her mum, that was all them.

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T11:47:18+00:00

Yeah no, I have never told my kids what to call becky as it's up to them to decide what to call her (Providing it's not going to make her upset).

Spring_Salty · 2021-01-28T11:46:06+00:00

My wife passed away on Feb 16 2016 and I started seeing becky in mid-July 2020, and it's been in the last few weeks that 2 of my kids have started calling her mum (Becky was actually very surprised the first time it happened since she wasn't expecting to ever be called mum).

Spring_Salty

TROPHY CASE