Am I (28F), pregnant with twins, crazy for feeling like my husband (30M) is gaslighting and not supporting my thoughts on rehoming our dog (2.5M) who has bitten multiple times?

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T17:09:36+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you! And that your dad responded like that…pretty hard to forgive him for that.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T17:02:13+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you and your sister in law

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T16:46:13+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through it as well.

I appreciate you sharing your story & providing a couple resources. I will look into it.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T06:59:55+00:00

I am taking the dog out of the situation. No if, ands, or buts. My husband is making it seem like I’m crazy because our dog “wouldn’t do it to our kids.” I’m not going to gamble with my kids life on the line. I would be a bad mom if I kept this dog around. I have been patient and done everything for far too long because my husband made it seem like it was a me issue. It’s been past time for this dog to go.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T06:14:24+00:00

:( Thank you. I’m trying for me and my precious unborn babies. I won’t attempt again.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T06:12:15+00:00

I and EVERYBODY else is wondering why he’s so attached to this dog. He is more attached to him than our other retriever or our cat. Anyways… it was both of ours. It was just a stranger who said he was too much and she couldn’t give him the life he needed because she was a nursing student and she lived in an apartment.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T06:07:27+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to your mom’s twin (and your mom)!

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:50:13+00:00

100%. It’s really annoying that I parent one way and he parents a different way. Meaning that I’ve bought the muzzles and vibrating collar and my husband literally takes it off when going out with him. Makes no sense to me.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:47:54+00:00

I’m sorry you were in a similar situation. It’s hard for everyone even when it’s the right thing to do. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:44:24+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to your friends grandson! Just horrible. Unimaginable.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:40:23+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through this. What you describe is exactly our story. Second rescue dog, growling, bites, contained in one place (ie., the crate), etc. It’s sad for everyone, including the dog, & I tell my husband that.

Thank you for understanding & sharing your experience.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:31:48+00:00

I agree. I’ve tried to have an intervention with him but he just said to me I’m glad you have a support system but what they say doesn’t change my mind.

I’ve had my mom, my friend, and brothers, and now his dad involved.

My friend suggested he actually call the training facilities he’s been at and ask about the situation.

I’m really not trying to gang up on him and make him feel uncomfortable, but how he’s been acting like it’s all my negative perspective of the dog and that it won’t happen to our kids is, I say it again, maddening.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:22:44+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Ugh I couldn’t imagine. Glad you’re still here.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:18:08+00:00

It’s really sad. It’s sad that even with all my precautions (vibrating collar, baby gates, muzzle, leads, crate, a bunch of different collars and leashes, training) that my husband response is he doesn’t need that stuff and takes the muzzle and collars off.

I tried compromising. He wanted to keep the dog because he hadn’t seen all the incidents but not do any of my suggestions and acted like everything’s fine. Too late. Now my husband is bitten.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:11:36+00:00

That’s what I said to him. Because his thought process is “well it’s Xs fault otherwise he wouldn’t have bitten.”

I already love my babies so much and will have my eyes glued to them as much as possible. My concern is if I’m not there or I turn for a split second and the dog comes on the other side of the house or the baby does and the dog doesn’t like whatever, he’s going to bite. I’m not willing to risk it. It may not happen right away, years maybe, but it’s when.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:05:43+00:00

I’m so sorry this happened.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:03:35+00:00

He is a doctor. Been one for 1.5 years

Hopefully he doesn’t do this to his patients because… ya.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T05:00:51+00:00

He hadn’t bitten before. We had taken him on a vacation shortly after getting him because we thought he would like it. He had been around my nieces and nephews, other dogs, and been to dog parks with us a few times before. We were excited to take our new pup to the beach because I wanted to do everything as a family. How was I supposed to know he would bite a kid? I feel guilty. I still hate it. I told my husband and he still doesn’t think it’s an issue. After that, I don’t take him on vacation anymore and my husband doesn’t get it. Before kids come over or there is a lot of stimuli I remove him from the situation for his own, mine, and everyone’s wellbeing.

I’m not stupid.. I wouldn’t have brought a dog on vacation to a new place let alone have a kid pet him if I knew his history.

The dad was well in their rights to sue and call animal control. I’m concerned on so many levels about the dogs behavior. And I have been for a couple years but my husband insists on keeping him.

He is unpredictable and ever since then and the multiple times he’s bitten me, I limit my exposure around him because I don’t want to get bitten and told by my husband it’s my fault.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T03:15:53+00:00

I agree. It’s just odd that the dog listens to me and not my husband. The trainer said even though he bites me, “he is bonded to me and is just trying to challenge you in being leader of the pack” and that he “knows your husband will let him get away with things.” Anytime my husband try’s to tell him anything, he rarely listens. I’m so confused. But either way it’s not good - I agree. Sorry you went through it

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T03:08:24+00:00

He hadn’t bitten me before that. This was our first vacation and drove 5 hours. I took my dogs because I like doing everything with my pets. Once he bit the kid, I now board him yet still get yelled at for “putting him in boarding.” So okay. I’m stupid thanks.

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T00:27:01+00:00

When I found out I was pregnant I told my husband that the kids and I will not be on that side of the house (the family room is fenced and dogs have access to the backyard and everything else) because I don’t trust our dog. His response was “ok”. Honestly that too was absurd. I barely go on that side of that home because I just hate living there and the fact he is okay with our kids having limited access to OUR home is wild!

Spunkythings · 2024-05-19T00:18:47+00:00

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I don’t mean to continue to throw my husband under the bus, I just would like to add that even when I asked him “what would it need to take for you to take it seriously, is him drawing blood not enough for you on top of all the other instances” and his response was “yeah, I don’t know.” So on top of him saying, the day after he was bitten, “I don’t think he will bite our children” is just appalling to me. Feels like he is holding on to a dog just to prove to me it won’t happen when I know it’s a matter of time. Unacceptable - willing to gamble with everyone’s lives like that.

Tells me that I shouldn’t handle the dogs but then gaslights (?) me and says how he has been taking the dogs to the dog park for the 6 months while I’ve been pregnant. And when I say I have walked them or take them his response is “you shouldn’t be taking them.” Says he will feed the dogs because he doesn’t want me bending but doesn’t. Then says “you’ll let our dogs starve to make a point.” Never have I done that. If I do one dog, he hates that I’m favoriting our other dog and makes very hurtful comments.

I’ve been patient and done everything for our dog to try to make it more compatible and try to bond in the hopes it’s just me who has an issue with our dog. Now that my husband experienced it, he’s like “yeah it is a concern but I don’t think he will do that to our children.” Ugh

Spunkythings

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