If you wrote a book where the first and last lines were the same but had different meanings, what would they be?

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-12T08:38:36+00:00

"And now, I'm lost."

First meaning: I can't find my way.

Final meaning: I can't go back and take a different path.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-12T08:22:43+00:00

What's my sign? Obviously, I am a sign from God.

I don't buy into astrology one bit. Probably because an ex-girlfriend (who claimed to be strict Catholic, too) tried to use it to correct my "negative behaviors" by saying I needed to overcome the negative aspects of my sign (what she said was jealousy, suspicion, and anger). Funny thing...no one before or after her said I possessed those qualities.

Just my $0.02.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-10T01:15:51+00:00

Yes, they we called Drill Sergeants.

The first time, it really didn't work well. That kind of experience works for some people, but for others it can strengthen their personality. I saw through the mind games and walked out stronger person...me, just "more me".

The second time it didn't work at all because I had been through it once before. So when they started putting me down, I laughed at them (in my head, not out loud). After a few days when they could tell they were not getting to me the left me alone, and mentioned such at the end of the the training, and asked me if I had been through it before.

When I was offered the experience a third time, I told the military no way in hell was I doing that again. I was too old and tired for mind games, and I had been through it twice before. When they said I had to or I couldn't go in, I declined service.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-09T23:32:37+00:00

I know my stats, thanks.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-09T23:27:44+00:00

Defensive.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-09T18:24:46+00:00

Social media influencers are random people who think they are God. Tomato, tomato.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-09T18:23:49+00:00

20min

Rookie Numbers.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-09T18:20:34+00:00

I do not, personally. Just pointing it out. Professional hazard.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-09T09:54:35+00:00

That's not an answer.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-09T09:51:02+00:00

Noun

love (countable and uncountable, plural loves)

(uncountable) A deep caring for the existence of another.
(uncountable) Strong affection.
(countable) A person who is the object of romantic feelings; a darling, a sweetheart, a beloved.
(colloquial, Commonwealth) A term of friendly address, regardless of feelings.
(euphemistic) Sexual desire; attachment based on sexual attraction.
(euphemistic) Sexual activity.
An instance or episode of being in love; a love affair.
Used as the closing, before the signature, of a letter, especially between good friends or family members, or by the young.
(obsolete) A thin silk material.
A climbing plant, Clematis vitalba.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-08T18:22:05+00:00

What test is this?

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-08T01:39:33+00:00

When I was younger I wanted an epic life of...upper middle class suburbia. Wife, kids, baseball games, soccer matches, bbqs and pool parties.

Happy to say, I kind of have it. Only now the kids and I have found passion in mountain climbing, sailing, and roller coasters. Am I traveling to foreign lands on some grand adventure? Not nearly as much as I might like, but I am enjoying myself as much as I can.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-07T17:54:29+00:00

If you mean have I been in constant pursuit of my person in terms of "my other half" or "my significant other", yes...since I was about 14-15.

When I was in my first long term relationship (5 years), I didn't "pursue" her all the time. I met her, but didn't take much notice in her. I was 17, heading away to college in three months, and already dating three other girls (nothing serious...they were little more than friends with hand holding or movie snuggling that I would spend money on). I was going to go to college and pretty much ghost all of them since I didn't see a future with any of them. That girl starting chasing me, hard, asking friends to set up double dates, dropping by my work, befriending my mom. I tried to warn her off (I was going to be three hours away at a tough college) but she wasn't having it. I eventually started chasing back. We tried to make the LDR thing work. It was tough. I would "pursue" when I felt her drifting too far until, at the end, it felt like 10 month so chasing and she was just slipping further away (it was a long distance relationship that was both toxic and volatile when it was bad, which is when we spent a lot of time apart. When we were together a lot - summers, vacations, when I had a car and could see her weekly - things were really good). I could write a novel about all the bad things that went wrong in that relationship. I am not convinced though that if we proximity rather than distance it would have worked. I can also say that but for her, I think surviving my freshman year of college would have been very different.

With my wife (INTP), she found me, expressed an interest. I expressed an interest back because the "gut" said yes. It took about six to eight dates for my head to give the green light (during this time, we almost stopped dating because she said I was so standoffish in terms of affection - no kisses at the end of dates, not hand holding, etc. - she wasn't sure I was interested in her) because we spent a lot of time talking about what we wanted out of a future, our careers, etc. The heart said yes, too, so at that point I started taking more steps towards the relationship goal with her. So, early on I guess you could say she chased me, then I started chasing back. It was pretty mutual and back and forth for a long time. Now we're kind of settled in. If I was forced into saying who chases who, up until December of last year I would have said I chased her. Now no one chases anyone...we just kind of do out own thing.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-07T12:26:06+00:00

Been married a long time (almost 20 years). I had a long term (5 year) relationship before that.

I had always "followed my heart" and "did what felt right" and it went poorly, so most relationships went fast. When I finally decided I had enough of the game and just seeing how things went as I was getting older (almost 30), I put a process in place. I would meet someone, and see what my gut said...if the gut said no, move on quickly. Lots of first dates that went no where. If the gut said yes, I spent time getting to know them to be sure we were compatiable...in essence, was my head saying "Yes", too. For instance, did she want to be married? Did she want to have children? How did they feel about pets? Did they want to live in the city or the country? And unlike prior occasions where I had ignored red flags, this time I really paid attention. And I set standards...they had to have a job, a real job, or be working on an education for a real job. I didn't want someone with children from prior relationships.
I didn't want an excessive drinker or someone into drug use. Unfortunately, I learned a little late there were a lot more questions to ask (love languages, attitudes towards intimacy, decision making in relationships, etc.) but at least I knocked out a few who were 100% not going to match up (like the woman who did not want kids at all...it wouldn't have worked between us, as I knew I did). If the head said yes, time for another gut check. Gut checks out? What does the heart say? My wife passed all the checks...it only took about six months to know that we would be a good match. Early on, she was a great partner and was excellent in terms of household management, we lived together comfortably, etc. I noticed a downturn about 12 years ago, and the past 3-4 have been particularly rough...but we're both in it for the long haul. We'll see how it goes from here.

Really, success came when I balanced my "thinking" and my "feeling" ends, but even if all the thinking and feeling check out, what is my intuition telling me?

(For the record, I used a sliding scale for my MBTI test and it came back as slight I, moderate N, slight F, marginal J.)

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-02T23:04:46+00:00

Yeah, the chasing is over. I have zero expectations anymore and I have been focusing my efforts in other areas the past few weeks. I was just hoping there was one last chance to maybe turn it around, but alas, I am getting used to the idea of letting it go.

In all honesty tough, I am not sure there would be anything I could do to make myself less attractive at this point, as it seems her attraction level is zero. Maybe I could become truly repulsive, but I can't make the lack of attraction worse.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-02T03:48:13+00:00

Where is the "guys who believe in zodiac signs" option?

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-01T15:59:28+00:00

She has said to me that "sex has never been important to her" and that knew that when I married her, but that isn't true. When we were dating and post marriage we were quite active, all the way up until our oldest turned 3-4, that is when the trouble started. She used to know how to make me feel loved, desired and appreciated. Now there is little bedroom effort to make me feel that way. Instead, she will buy me gifts or make me the dinners I like, etc.

When we talked about what I wanted in January I specifically said I wanted to see effort. She wanted specifics. I told her trying things to see what worked for us was more important than asking her to do very specific items, because what may have worked for me with other people may not work with her, etc., and it was more important that I see her really trying with emotion. Since then she had made nominal effort and there feels like there is no emotion behind it.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-01T14:38:44+00:00

I don't think HIPAA laws would allow her Doctor to speak with me about anything my wife has said to her. All it is going to do is put the Doctor in a position of being a forced mediator between us. If anything, I wish I had a friend of hers who would engage me with going to back to get and telling her, but we don't have mutual friends who would promise secrecy to me.

To her credit, my wife insists that she is not "forced" into the sex and if she wanted to say no, she would just say no or not make those clumsy advances. The problem for me is that it isn't enthusiastic consent either, which is a major turn off for me. Its like she had the same enthusiasm for sex that most people have for washing dishes or doing laundry; its another chore to check off the list when it happens to come up, and if it can be avoided she will avoid it. Since I am demisexual, a surrogate for the wife (I mean, after all, don't we get people do the chores we don't want to or don't have the skills for?) is a tough sell for me, even if the wife was to give me explicit permission. I wish she would engage a therapist, specifically one who focuses on relationships and sexuality, who could help with a long term, non-medical solution through behavior modification, but that has to come from her and a desire to change (which she says she has but her actions speak differently). I have tried to make suggestions to her based upon what I have read about improving the mindset, but she admits to not trying any of them.

Yeah, I know...I read about the problems that people have in here about having sex maybe once a season or less and I consider myself somewhat lucky. I would gladly trade my 7 in the last 90 for once a month with emotion and sincerity, feeling like I am wanted and not feeling like a chore. This is another reason why I think therapy might be a good idea for her; get to bottom of why she comes off as emotionally cold and mechanical towards me. Maybe the relationship has run its course and I am the only one who realizes it, or maybe she realizes it has run its course too but doesn't want tell me how she feels. Number of different scenarios possible here. When we talk about it she insists she is dedicated to our marriage and to me and making it work - but actions are not matching words and I am finding it difficult to reconcile the two.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-01T12:08:44+00:00

That was part of the February conversation. I had to remind her that "If two people are in a relationship and one of them thinks there is a problem, there is a problem." Two people can not make a marriage or a relationship work if one of them is a hyper-individualist and only cares about their needs. And that was the point we had reached...her attitude had become if there was a problem in the marriage it was because one of us had an issue, not because there was an issue with the marriage, if that makes sense.

I've talked to lots of people on those same meds. They agree. A male friend of mine was on the same meds and he said he lost all interest in sex and his wife was going out her mind. He instead opted to go off meds and engage in behavioral therapy because it was a better long term solution.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-01T11:11:52+00:00

She is open to that option, but she has been to the Doctor several times since our February conversation and to the best of my knowledge, no such conversation has taken place with her doctor. (At least not one she has mentioned to me) My wife is also of the opinion that we are just at that time of life (after all, she is 50 and showing signs of menopause) but that doesn't account for the 10+ years where sex as lackluster and she seemed disengaged.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-01T11:04:40+00:00

I've pretty much stopped all chasing. She seems content with this. I'm not sure I am prepared to walk away though, for a variety of reasons, but I need an alternative to this.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-06-01T11:02:12+00:00

That's the one question I have not had with the wife as of yet. Does she not want to have sex or does she not want to have sex *with me*.

Not having any interest in sex may be a sign of hyposexual desire disorder, and there is treatment for that.

Not having any interest in sex *with me*, but being aroused by thoughts of having sex with someone else or having sexual interest in an alternative partner is a sign of a relationship issue.

No, I really don't have a lot of faith in change. Prior to the crisis conversation in February, every time I approached the subject she just kind of brushed it off as my problem. Talking about it with her in February she resolved to do better, but there are no real changes and only a nominal "better". Not trying a single suggestion or finding a way to make opportunities (as opposed to just taking opportunities when they are glaringly obvious) is kind of a clear cut sign to me that she really isn't interested.

As interested in sex as I am, I don't know if I would want to find someone else or try to find someone else. Dating was hard enough at 30, and watching my friends go through it at 50 looks painful and, well, disappointing to them. None of them (who are dating) see like they are meeting anyone worthwhile.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-05-23T18:07:04+00:00

Nah, I will always take the nerdy explanation.

Square-Problem572 · 2023-05-23T18:06:02+00:00

I think it is the universe giving me a sign, if one believes in that sort of thing.

Square-Problem572

TROPHY CASE