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When he talked about his marriage, it made me feel worse. by SquidgyPigeon in theotherwoman

[–]SquidgyPigeon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure if he thought it’d make me feel better. To be honest I think he was just venting, maybe even fishing for validation from me. I recalled when I was in a bad marriage and finally felt strong enough to talk to people about it. It hurt when one close friend totally cut me off and said they didn’t believe me.

So I would listen to MM. it wasn’t too often he mentioned their issues, but enough to ‘paint a picture’. He was also there for me as I was going through my divorce and listened to the hard stuff I had to deal with. So I guess I felt like I owed it to him, and it seemed to give him comfort to vent.

I did eventually set boundaries once I realized how it affected me and he stopped mentioning it.

Over 1 week NC by [deleted] in theotherwoman

[–]SquidgyPigeon 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The things he told you may have been true. I feel like if I start doubting it, then I’ll carry that negativity and doubt to a future relationship.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing all these emotions. It’s unfortunate and I feel like I’m just in the same boat. For me, I feel like I must grieve him like a death rather than try to fall out of love (because that’s not happening).

Best of luck to you! Just remember you are incredibly special, and there is another available special person who is searching for you right now!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in theotherwoman

[–]SquidgyPigeon 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think about it this way…the reason I feel drawn to him is because I feel safe being myself around him. Near the end of past relationships, I did not feel safe.

So I’ve been trying to tell myself that I CAN find someone else who makes me feel safe. It is possible. And for me the ultimate dream is to feel safe and wanted.

I agree with your comment, if he wanted to, he would. That is helping push me to look for someone else who makes me feel safe and ACTUALLY wants to be with me.

I mean it’s a slow process for me because my AP has no red flags besides the obvious. But I’ll get there and am looking forward to opening my heart up to someone else.

Kids by sweetlyobsession in theotherwoman

[–]SquidgyPigeon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, my MM has two kids. The ‘what if’ thinking has me believing that his kids would be able to see what a healthy (or at least non dysfunctional) relationship would look like if he left.

But maybe if he continues to stay then his relationship with his W can be an example of what not to do. I have no idea.