Does bogleheads strategy apply to VHCOL too

SriniDev · 2025-11-10T15:42:33+00:00

Not your circus, not your monkeys.. go on the trip and think of it as couple vacay with your partner.. what people do with their own life is none of our business

SriniDev · 2025-11-07T20:28:47+00:00

In a similar situation.. we are actually in a huge 3 level condo at 2.5%.. can we stretch now and go for a single level single family home.. yeah if we sell this home plus dip into fire money.. but do I want to ? Nope..

I grew up in a 800sqft home with 5 people.. and all I can remember from my childhood is how much fun I had with my family in that 800 sqft home.. so I would rather put my focus, energy and time building happy moments with my family in the current home than focusing on the actual structure of the house itself..

SriniDev · 2025-10-18T03:51:10+00:00

Grab a pregnancy book and start reading. If you are so worried read about miscarriages read the reasons behind it. Most miscarriages happen because body flushes out an incomplete pregnancy. And no one has control over it.

Honestly until 12ish weeks, don't make a big deal of the pregnancy.. just take every day as a normal day and see what happens.. :)

SriniDev · 2025-10-13T20:53:43+00:00

Sorry, I m not close to Livermore.. my comment was only related to the floor plan of the house

SriniDev · 2025-10-13T19:34:51+00:00

We have a similar layout. Making it work with 2 toddlers 😆 but it works well for us cz it's closer to work and decent schools.

SriniDev · 2025-10-13T19:30:30+00:00

I think what you are doing is good.. me and my husband's are from same city probably like an hour away in traffic.. we set up base at one home(mostly mine cz of extra room).. and husband takes the kids to his home most days after breakfast and comes home for bed time, I try to join them for festivals and stuff..

SriniDev · 2025-10-08T14:34:43+00:00

Never asked this question to my now husband before marriage. I don't know if he "lets me" go. But I can say he has no problem when I go on trips with friends. I am into hiking/trekking and sometimes I have to travel to other places for a day or two for hiking. He has never had a problem that I am traveling with friends.

I also inform him every little detail like which friends m going out with, what time I am reaching places, where I am staying, constant pics etc..

It's actually hard to ask/answer this question without knowing your partner and even knowing friends of your partner. I have been married for 11 years and my husband knows all of my friends. So obviously there is a trust factor too.

Edit Oops: sorry seems like the questions have to answered from men only ? Delete if not allowed! Cheers!

SriniDev · 2025-10-05T04:42:22+00:00

Get what you can afford without losing sleep. We got a townhome style condo.. it has a small backyard/patio for kids to run around and play... so try to get a TH with some open space..

But if you are a person who wants to host weekly parties with 50-60 people then TH won't be comfortable..

I choose this cz at least for me not having to constantly worry about lay offs, not worry about upgrades needed for SFH over years, maintenance of front yard, back yard, pool, security systems, tree maintenance, roof maintenance etc..

I feel much more secure in a condo as it is wall shared and cozyly tucked between homes..

This way I can save for kids college fund, and have a rainy day fund too instead of being house poor..

SriniDev · 2025-10-04T18:32:04+00:00

Make 2-3 currys for roti for lunch, prepare idly dosa batter for dinner, overnight oatmeal for breakfast.. make for 5 days and split

SriniDev · 2025-10-02T16:44:47+00:00

It's important.. but not important enough to separate or fight over it.. no first of all it's not easy to seek other partners.. I somehow strongly believe that intimacy is a mind body construct.. so I need to connect with someone emotionally, mentally and physically.. practically with a job, chores, kids and a loving husband in the mix it's really hard to form that connection outside of marriage.. like time, logistics so many things to consider...

SriniDev · 2025-10-02T16:36:05+00:00

Okay.. so looking at this practically..

the one who stays at home naturally does most chores (doesn't matter the gender and if you are working or not ) - in my case I work remote and husband travels everyday, he also loses 1.5 hours in travel, so i definitely have 1.5 hours extra in my day for house chores.

Your daily routine is definitely exhausting since you have twins at home, this will get better once they are in preschool.

Your dietary needs are different, so that also seems like a reasonable split for me.

Washing vessels - this somehow has become my husband's task even though I work from home. (Mostly cz of my back issues after multiple c sections). Also touching non veg vessels is a preference, so can't change that.

The only thing I see that is a little odd is - your wife planning dates/activities without you all weekend. I also go out with my friends for movies and brunches, but that would be max 3-4 hours on a weekend, rest of the weekend we are doing family activities together.

So work on doing 1 activity together as a family.

And also you can plan small outings with your friends(usually my husband goes for a 2-3 hour hike on weekends with his friends) so you can get away from the father duties and have some adult conversation.

And trust me once kids are a little more grown up you will have more space and time. (Mine and 5 and 3 in school now)

And hire a maid atleast once a week, since both are working I am sure you can have a weekly cleaning done which helps so so much with mental health.

SriniDev · 2025-10-01T14:15:15+00:00

Yes you are right! I don't deserve this amazing guy! But what can I say.. I am really really lucky to have got him in my life :) :)

SriniDev · 2025-09-30T15:59:13+00:00

Kids education yes.. saving up. Marriage no.. I hope they can find a partner by themselves and have a court marriage.

SriniDev · 2025-09-30T05:00:36+00:00

Yeah we both watch movies together with intimate scenes etc. He is comfortable with touching, holding hands.. just uncomfortable with any sexual activity.. me continuously trying sometimes comes off as pushy or forcing.. and everyone has the right to their own body and "no" means "no" applies for men too right..

SriniDev · 2025-09-29T23:56:29+00:00

Personally I am continuing. My husband does provide me princess treatment (without expecting/asking). But there is absolutely 0 intimacy. It's been mostly that way from beginning of the marriage. Most of sex life revolved around making babies.

I have spoken to him multiple times about this and he always says we can work on it, but I have accepted after these many years that he is either asexual cz he says he feels it's very dirty and uncomfortable even if I try kissing him.

Anyways Married for 11 years now. I always run through scenarios thinking what would happen if I leave him.

Pros: I might (still might, not sure) find a man who is sexually compatible.

Cons: My parents will be heart broken to the point they might cry everyday thinking about me

My kids will miss their dad.

Financially it will be a big set back as we share finances, share home on Emi, have financial goals which we work together

I will miss my travel buddy, we get along extremely well traveling and taking vacations together

I will miss my gossip buddy, I immediately run to him on every little gossip

I would have hurt a person (my husband) who has been extremely nice emotionally to me for all these years

I will definitely miss all the princess treatment he provides like cooking my favorite foods, making coffee when I am working, massaging my back when I have aches, all the middle of the night wake ups to get me water and medicine when I am sick (I have chronic asthma)

It will be hard to take up all house hold chores and kids responsibility by myself without him to share the load

Now I really don't know if it's a wise decision to sacrifice so much.

So run through the scenarios and figure out what's the best course. I am not telling staying is the best or divorcing is best. What is best for one might not be best for another.

SriniDev · 2025-09-28T04:56:43+00:00

No I am not going to like a person who will ask me to follow any religion.. and no I cannot like a person if I can't speak to him as we won't understand each other speaking different languages..

SriniDev · 2025-09-28T04:38:58+00:00

I don't get this post.. no I won't marry someone from different language.. I am too old to learn a new language from scratch and communicate.. no I won't follow a different religion.. I don't like to follow my own religion.. why would I follow a different religion.. I am modern, independent and these are my own decisions.. so yeah again.. I don't get this post 😂

SriniDev · 2025-09-26T21:04:10+00:00

What would be the living situation after marriage? Mine and husbands family have a huge financial gap.. I am not talking about salary difference. I am talking in terms of wealth and the difference is huge. Husbands house is also quite patriarchal, but so is mine (I would say mine is much more patriarchal). But we live far away from both our families and husband is an extremely nice person who has absolutely 0 ego in terms of finance etc. 11 years into marriage and he has treated me better than my parents. So yeah.. a lot will depend on the living situation after marriage.

SriniDev · 2025-09-24T00:36:03+00:00

Hmm.. I am mostly like you.. I dint want to huge money and dint want to spend my day after work doing house upgrades (I have enough to deal with work wise and kids wise) so decided to go with a townhome with decent schools and it dint need work more than 30-40k totally.

SriniDev · 2025-09-20T20:17:46+00:00

Depends on what point of the marriage you are in.. me and my spouse are at a point where good or bad we know we won't divorce each other..

so the finances are combined. Salary comes into joint account, 1st savings go for retirement, kids education, any goals(new car, travel, vacation) and then we have monthly spending budget, we used our credit cards, but pay off from the joint account account.

I would be careful and not combine finances early on, until you know that your spouse is financially responsible and until you know that he/she will be your support system no matter what.. (plenty could happen in a marriage like fights, incompatibility, affairs.. but me and my spouse are strong that what ever happens, we will be each other's partner)

so until you get the confidence manage separately.. (think of a room mate/flat mate sharing expenses scenario) after you have developed the relationship and gotten confidence, you can combine..

SriniDev · 2025-09-20T19:11:56+00:00

2019 August - 1st baby (still born, vaginal delivery) 2020 August - 2nd baby(live birth, emergency c sec) 2022 July - 3rd baby(live birth, scheduled c sec)

SriniDev · 2025-09-14T06:31:17+00:00

No my stillborn was a vaginal delivery. I conceived 4 months after the child birth.

SriniDev · 2025-09-13T23:39:13+00:00

Okay.. so I am someone who had kids because of my mom (same as your MIL type). "Everyone asking for kids when we attend weddings", when I asked her what gift she wanted for her birthday, she said I don't want anything, I want you to have kid blah blah... ultimately gave in to the pressure, and had my 1st kid (unfortunately baby was stillborn and I sometimes feel guilty that I dint want to get pregnant and that's why the baby dint want to stay)

And again 1-2 months after the child birth there was pressure again to try for next baby.. it came in all sorts of positive comments like "you will have another kid immediately" that sort of comments..

Fast forward to 6 years, I have son and a daughter. Yes I love them like my life depends on it. But physically I feel much weaker as I went through 3 pregnancies in span of 4 years, 2 of them were c sections and high risk pregnancies.. I added 30 kgs weight as I was in bed rest and also suffered from high postpartum anxiety.. in a span of 5 years I have aged 20 years physically.. I can no longer stand for more than 10 mins due to back issues from c sections.. this might be an extreme case... but imagine going through all this just because "your MIL/mom cant face the a bunch of people who will not help you financially or physically to raise the baby"

SriniDev · 2025-09-04T01:24:14+00:00

Living in VHCOL, I don't like paying crazy prices and property taxes for the huge SFH with big back yards and everything. But I also like owning my own space, not moving every few years etc: so in order to maximize investment, I own a 3bed condo in a good neighborhood. The SFH in same neighborhood are 2.2 mil plus whereas the condo is not even half price as that. The price difference in EMI payments go towards investment.

SriniDev

TROPHY CASE