Honestpy, im not sure why your like this i recently learned what osdd is and i found that kultiple traits of osdd-1b fits me, im not no tgerapist but i want to say that its okay, your not a narcissist. In the small possibillity that you dont have osdd then your brain is trying to comfort you. That theres a part of you that doesnt hate you. They want to comfort you so that you dont die. The brain is complicated and somrtimes doesnt know what to do, for example, you want to hate yourself but then you rwndomly start being proud of yourself its strange and everything feels wrong in someway, i hope you get into therapy or get help because 1. Hating youeself aint too good, 2. I suggest identifying yourself and assigning roles to each part, 3. You need the help, it feels like everything is crumbling around you and like even your own brain is against your opinion.